mentally unstable ~ shigadabi

fourteen

Tomura's POV:

"Happy birthday." I smile to myself. "Hello Dr. Aizawa." He sets a grocery bag next to me. "Your sister is here. She brought you clothes." He sits next to me on the bed. "Try to have fun? You're turning twenty-one. Go get shit face. I want you to get so fucked up that you forget what planet your on." I cover my mouth and laugh. He places his hand on my head. "For one night just...stay out of your head?" I look down. "One night." I nod. "One night." I repeat. He stands up. "Get dress. I'll be waiting outside." I nod. He closes his door behind him. I pull out the items in the bag. It was more than usual. She added jewelry and...a tube of eye liner? What the hell?

I take off my white jumpsuit and get dress. My top was covered so that was nice. A long sleeved blue and white plaid button up with a baggy gray short sleeved shirt. It covered my scars and my stomach witch was nice. Waist down? Different story. My pants were black with holes in my knees. But they were tight around my thighs. This is so weird. She always gives me baggy clothes. Shit, I really don't wanna go anymore. I put the thick black choker around my neck. A silver chain. And earrings.
Kill me please?
I pull out the brush and walk into the bathroom. I wish she had given me a hair tie. I like it better up. I brush my hair which takes about two minutes. I always finger comb my hair whenever I get stress or nervous. I fold the jumpsuit and set it on the corner of my bed. "You okay Tomura?" Dr. Aizawa asks from outside. "Mhm."

"Words Tomura."

"Yes. I'm okay."

I stare at the tube of eye liner intensely. "Um, actually I-...I do need a little help." He opens the door. "I-I've never put this on before." He laughs.
"Sit." We both sit on the bed. "Look up and close your eyes." I fidget with my fingers. "Going somewhere special this year?" He asks. "She said we were going to an amusement park or something...I'm kinda scared though. She probably has something else planned." He pushes my bangs away from my eyes. "I'm sure you'll have fun." He closes the tube and hands it to me. "There." I take it from him. "Thank you." He grabs my bag. "Are you ready?" I nod. He leads me out of the room and down the hall. I tug on my sleeve as I get closer to her door. I knock twice.

"Come in you gorgeous motherfucker."

I unlock the door and walk in her room. "ACK! You are so pretty!!" Pretty. Pretty. Pretty. "Thanks Miko." She pushes my hair behind my ears before hugging me. "Happy birthday Muraaaa." She starts jumping up and down. "Thank you."

"Have fun, do drugs but not too many because if you die I'd die and that would get us no where." I laugh. "I'll see you later lover." I follow Dr. Aizawa out of the room. "HAVE FUN!"

I try to convince myself everything is going to be perfectly fine while Dr. Aizawa reviews our rules. I'm trying to listen but it's just so damn loud in my head. Again, kill me, please.

"You've got this." He opens the front doors. "I know," I mutter. "Tomura!" Hana. She runs up to me and hugs me, cutting up my air supply. "I'll see you later Tomura." He lets he door close behind him. "Love, I can't breath." She lets me go. "Sorry I'm just really excited! And you look sooooo nice." It's like her and Himiko are the same person. "Okay, come on." She grabs my hand and leads me to her car. "We're gonna go the cafe' first." I sigh. "I love you. Truly." She laughs.

She's happy. Way too damn happy. Overly excited almost. I don't get it. I know we haven't been face to face in a long time but she never acts like this. "Okay so, it's twelve right now so we can spend a few hours at the cafe'."

"Hours?"

"Yeah, that way we have time to talk!"

Since when does talking take hours? "Are you excited?" I scratch my wrist. "I guess." She softly hits my knee. "Stop scratchinggggg," she whines. "Sorryyyyyyyy." Honestly, I wasn't excited. I was terrified.

+

"What do you want?" I glance at the menu above. "Um..." She elbows me softly. "Can't be black coffee." I groan. "What? That's not fair." She gives me her mom look. I look over the different flavors. And the calories next to them. Part of me wished they didn't do that, the other part of me was grateful. I went with the lowest number, like I always do.

"Cinnamon." She nods. "Have you eaten?" Here come the questions. Have you eaten? When's the last time you ate? What did you eat? Are you hungry? "I had breakfast." She leans over the counter. "Want a muffin?" I look back at the menu, but I guess I took to long to answer. "I'm getting you a muffin."

There's that.

She orders and we sit in the back. "So, tell me about Dabi." I roll my eyes. "Really?" She nods. "There's nothing to tell." She knees me. "Come on, you wouldn't have mentioned him if you didn't like him." I lean over and slowly unwrap my muffin. "It doesn't matter if I like him if he doesn't like me." I know he doesn't like me. How could he? I'm a fucking freak. "You don't know that." I sigh. "Even if he did like me-which he doesn't-it's not like we can be together."

"Because of the hospital?"

Because of me.

"Exactly."

We can't be together because of me. Being with me is draining. The panic attacks, the spiraling, the episodes. Fuck the hospital, if we were out it's not like we could go on dates without me having a damn breakdown. I would never put Dabi through that. I'll never put anyone through that again. I didn't tell Hana though because she would just tell me I was being negative and none of that was true. But she doesn't know what it's like in my head. No one fucking does. So I just keep shit to myself. "He's an idiot if he can't see how amazing you are." I smile to myself.

We talk for a long time. Like a really long time. And it was nice. Hana lives two hours away from the hospital so we only get to hangout on our birthdays. That's why Dr. Aizawa gave me the flip phone. "Oh my, look at how dark it is," she says in a dramatic tone. "We should probably get going to the park." Weirdo. "What? You wanna go now? It's pitch back outside." She grins. "That's what makes it perfect."

"Perfect for what?"

She ignores my question and gets up to leave. I follow her. "I don't understand why we're leaving so late," I say, getting in the car. "Hana, it's almost eleven." She continues to ignore me. Which scares me even more. Though my thoughts about the time are interrupted by concern of my appearance. I really wish I hadn't eaten anything. I know it's my fault, I'm the one that wanted to go the cafe'. On the bright side, no one I know will be there. So I should be fine.

"Are you ready?" She asks tapping the steering wheel. "Not in the slightest." She parks and we both get out. She wraps her arm around mine and begins to skip. "You're gonna have o much fun." I laugh and roll my eyes. I catch something in the corner of my eye.

Then I see him.