Complicity [h.s]

34

Harry Styles

Tangled in the sheets, I toss and turn in my bed that gets more uncomfortable by the hour. I've been lying in the pitch black nearly all day and night. I just want to sleep, but it's made nearly impossible. My mind is alive, and I can't reel it back in. Even reading Aven's journal hasn't helped. I have too much on my mind, and if I keep going, things will take a dark turn.

I peek at the clock—11:45 pm.

I turn on the bedside lamp and see light for the first time in a while. Squinting, I grab my pack of cigarettes and lighter, fishing out the last one and sticking it between my lips. I lay flat again and meet my eyes in the reflection of myself, sucking in the warm rush of smoke.

The mirror is there so I get out of bed every day. However, getting out of bed isn't something I need right now. I need to sleep even though I'm not tired. I'm sick of laying in the pitch black but lying with the light on and a reflection staring back at me isn't an option.

I blow out smoke.

Tension in my chest, I stare through the mirror nailed to my ceiling. Cigarette sitting between my lips, I tap off some of the ashes in the ashtray I keep on my bedside table. When faced with the mirror, my eyes wander anywhere else around the room that they can—anything to avoid the perception of me.

This is my last cigarette.

I should go get more.

Then I'll sleep.

Knowing it's just an excuse not to lay under the mirror, I get out of bed while polishing through the cigarette. Sliding on my pants, throwing on my sweater—I'm out of my room within seconds.

Quarter to midnight and everyone besides Louis and Nova is at the bar. I haven't seen Louis and Nova since the situation two days ago. They've been huddled in the bedroom ever since, and I don't imagine them leaving anytime soon. I don't think they're even fucking; they're just existing together. If I had Aven back in her truest form, I wouldn't be doing anything but be with her either.

How I would kill to have you back in your truest form, Av...

Walking out my bedroom door, the bathroom door opens simultaneously. Nova steps through, locking eyes with mine as we both freeze across the room. Her skin pale, eyes red, dark hair a mess. She stands in Louis' clothes, grabbing her arm and immediately tensing up at my presence.

I'm still not used to seeing her in this life.

"Hey..." I clear my throat.

She slowly nods.

"Hi." Her voice cracks like she's been crying.

This is awkward.

I veer towards the stairs across the room but stop before I get to the first step. Turning my head back, she skittishly approaches the bedroom door.

"I'm sorry for what she did," I admit. "But I'm glad you and Louis found each other again."

She freezes with her hand on the doorknob, looking back at me. Her eyes are full of fear and apprehension, but her lips manage to pull the slightest smile despite it. She enters the dark bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

I turn back up the stairs, heading onto the street toward the closest convenience store only a few blocks away. I run my hair back out of my face and throw up my hood, clearing my throat and putting my hands in my pockets.

I'll get a pack of cigarettes, smoke one on my way home and try to go back to bed. If I don't return to bed, I'll end up looking for Aven again. I can't do that. I need to leave her alone for at least a while after what happened. I've caused her so much pain and I can't even wrap my head around it. Anything I do could make things worse for her and ever since she used Nova as collateral, I can't be impulsive with my actions. If Aven wants help, she knows where to find me.