Finding Jaime

Chapter 67

The remaining two weeks in the hospital were not any easier on Jaime. He got weaker and weaker and sicker and sicker from the chemo. He whined and cried more and slept most of the time.

When they visited, the kids sat quietly around their brother. Marvel would climb onto Jaime's bed and lay beside him quietly. He didn't seem to mind but often fell asleep before the kids went home.

School had started and Jaime had asked to take at least the first semester off. For now I had him still registered at Santa Monica High. We had enough to deal with without complicating things with registering at a different school. I made arrangements with the school for Jaime to take the first semester of his Junior year off. We'd revisit before the end of the semester and see how Jaime was doing.

Saint and Bronx were back in school and so we went back to the schedule we'd had when Jaime was in the hospital after his suicide attempt. Meagan would bring Marvel after the boys went to school and they had their play dates or programs. Meagan would go home after lunch, get the boys, bring dinner and if Jaime was okay, they'd eat in his room. If it wasn't a good day either they all stayed home or they'd eat in the cafeteria and come visit after.

Jamie spent the last two weeks of his hospitalization in varying amounts of pain. It pained me to see and hear him cry in pain. The nurses did their best to manage his pain, but it usually meant heavy drugs that put him to sleep.

The day before we were due to go home, Jaime had some imaging done. We'd get the results after his chemo appointment in a week. That last night in the hospital, I packed up everything that had migrated to the hospital in the last month and sent most of it home with Meagan and the kids. It would be less for Jaime and I to deal with the next day.

Jaime slept through most of the day anyway.

"Looking forward to going home?" Nora asked Jaime in the morning as she started helping him get ready to leave.

"I guess," he rasped. His throat still had sores that made it hard for him to speak. The doctor had said with the chemo being lowered in frequency, he should start to see some relief from the sores soon.

As soon as the discharge papers were signed, I helped Jaime into the wheelchair that would take him to the car. Meagan was downstairs waiting.

"Take care, Jaime," Nora said. Jaime nodded.

"Thanks Nora," I said.  She smiled at us as we left.

Downstairs, I pushed the wheelchair to the door of the car. I figured Jaime could sit in the front and recline the seat. I helped him into the car. Marvel watched on quietly. Meagan took Jaime's hand as he sat in the seat. I helped him put on his seatbelt before climbing into the back seat.

"Jaime come home?" Marvel asked.

"Yep. Jaime's coming home," I smiled at Marvel.

"He no more sick or need the medicine?"

"He still needs the medicine, he doesn't need to be in the hospital for it anymore. He'll have to come back to have the medicine but he isn't needing it as often. So he can come home to sleep."

"Jaime, you happy to come home?" Marvel asked. I saw Meagan look over at Jaime, who was lying back, his eyes closed. He was wearing a beanie covering his now completely bald head. He'd lost every strand of hair, eye lash, body hair, everything. He complained of being cold all the time, when he didn't feel like his skin was on fire.

"I think Jaime's having a sleep," Meagan said to Marvel.

"I be Jaime's nurse?" Marvel asked. Meagan smiled. She looked over at Jaime again who i noticed smiled a little when Marvel said that.

"Jaime needs the best nurse," I said.

"Marvel's the best nurse," Jaime rasped out.

Marvel clapped her hands.

"I be Jaime's nurse! Jaime, you want pam cakes?"

"No thanks, Mar," he said. Marvel looked a little sad at that. Pancakes with chocolate chips were their 'thing'. Before all this, as Jaime was settling in at home and when we got back from England, I'd sometimes find Jaime and Marvel up earlier than the rest of us and having already made pancakes for everyone.

Jaime bonded with his sister that way. He'd bonded with his brothers over video games and sports. The boys watched the Dodgers together. I'd taken them to a game just before we went to London and the four of us had had a blast.

We pulled up to the house and Meagan parked in front of the door. She got Marvel out of her seat as I helped Jaime out of the car. He winced in pain as he got out. His bones and joints ached.

"Do you want me to help you upstairs or do you want to stay downstairs?"

"I'm way too spent to go upstairs. Can I just lie on the couch?" He asked. I nodded and held my arm around him as I helped him walk into the house. He moved slowly and I wouldn't rush him.

"I feel like an 80 year old," he said.

"Remind yourself of that when you're 80," I said.

Jaime didn't respond.

I led him to the couch and helped him lie down. I handed him a blanket and covered him.

"Thanks, Dad," he said.

"Any time," I said as I went into the kitchen to organize all the medications Jaime would be taking at home. He had meds for the nausea and vomiting, the pain, to protect his liver and kidneys, medication that he would take between chemo infusions - tablet form of chemo.

I heard Marvel talking in the living room and poked my head in. She was showing Jaime a picture and describing it. He was listening with a tired looking smile on his face.

But he was smiling.