Finding Jaime

Chapter 99

Jaime's mood improved a little after he'd had some time to process what was happening with Ethan. By dinner time he was in a better mood and as soon as Marvel saw him come downstairs, she jumped up and ran to him, and his mood improved even more as I watched him interact so sweetly with his sister. His brothers came over and fist bumped and hugged Jaime.

We got the kids to change into nicer clothes and took them out to celebrate Jaime's good news.  Everyone chatted and joked. Everyone smiled and laughed. It was the nicest time we'd had in a long time. Everyone was happy. Everyone was smiling. Even Jaime.

As we were leaving the restaurant, me carrying a very sleepy Marvel, Meagan with her arm around Jaime, his phone started ringing.

"Hello?" He said. I watched his face. He was frowning, listening to the caller. He didn't say anything. He walked away from the car so we couldn't overhear, I suppose.

"Okay. Yeah. I hear you. Okay, okay. I'll try. Thanks," Jaime said, hanging up and sliding his phone into his pocket. He came back with his head hung.

"Everything okay?" I asked

"No. But can we wait until we get home?  I'll tell you there," he said.

"Yeah, sure, of course," I said.

We got the kids into the car and I drove home. Jaime was quiet and the boys were leaving him alone. Marvel had fallen asleep.

I kept checking on Jaime in the rearview mirror. He was looking out the window but didn't seem to be really looking at anything.

As soon as we pulled into the driveway and I stopped the car, Jaime was out of the car and heading to the front door. He had a key now and let himself in the house. I figured he was going upstairs and would talk to him once I'd put Marvel to bed.

"I'll take her," Meagan said. "You go talk to Jaime."

I nodded and went to his room. His door was open and he wasn't in his room. Or in the bathroom.

"Dad?" Bronx said.

"Yeah?"

"Jaime's in the pool," he said. "And he's still in his clothes."

I frowned. That made no sense. And Bronx didn't seem concerned. The kids had had swimming lessons. Bronx wound have been able to recognize if Jaime was drowning or in trouble.

I ran downstairs and into the backyard. And there he was. Jaime was in the pool, fully dressed. Just floating on his back. His socks and shoes were on the pool deck.

"Jaime? What are you doing?  Why are you in the pool fully clothed?"

"Have you ever done it?" Jaime asked.

"What?" I asked

"Just floated in a pool fully dressed for no particular reason."

"No. I can't say that I have purposefully gotten into a pool fully dressed and just floated. Come out of there. I'll get you a towel."

"Emmanuel's dead," Jaime said, flatly.

"What? Who? What happened?"

"Emmanuel. Mrs. Lopez's son?  My former best friend?  The guy who punched me in the face before we left on tour."

"Right. What do you mean?  What happened?"

"He got caught in the crossfire between Frank and some of his guys and some guys that don't like Frank very much."

I sank into a nearby chair.

"Jaime, I'm so sorry," I said. "I know he meant a lot to you."

Jaime moved so that he was standing up in the pool. The water was just above his waist and hips.

"I don't know how to feel," he said. "I feel like I should be sad, and I am, but I feel like I should feel more than I'm feeling."

"What are you feeling?"

"Nothing," Jaime said. "Just, regret, I guess. Emmanuel was pretty smart. He coulda been something. But he hung with Frank and never did anything at school."

"I'm so sorry, Jaime. Any idea about the funeral?"

"Friday at St. Sebastian's. Noon."

"Do you want to go?"

Jaime lay back in the water and floated on his back again.

"No. But I will. For Mrs. Lopez," he said. I smiled. The kid has a big heart.

"Okay. I'll take you," I said. Jaime shrugged, and lay back, floating in the water again.

"Here you two are," Meagan said coming outside. "Jaime, why are you in the pool in your clothes?"

"Because I wanted to," he said, staring at the sky above.

"Jaime got some bad news," I said.

"Ethan?" Meagan said quietly.

"No. His friend Emmanuel. He died."

"Oh. Oh, Jaime. I'm so sorry," Meagan said.

"What happened?" Meagan asked me.

"He got caught in some crossfire."

Meagan shook her head. Gang violence wasn't exactly new to the city.

"Jaime, come out of the pool. Let's get you dried off," Meagan said.

"No thanks. I'm okay," he said, distractedly.

"Jaime?" I said. He wasn't looking at anything. He was just staring at the sky.

"I got him. I'll sit out here with him until he's ready to come inside. I think he's processing," I whispered to Meagan. She smiled sadly at me and nodded. She went back inside to check on the younger boys.

I sat on one of the lounge chairs and watched my son as he floated in the pool, his shirt billowing a little around him.

He was silent and I wasn't sure he was focussed on anything.

"Dad?" He said.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Ethan's going to die," he said. I heard his voice waver. "He's nine and he's going to die. Emmanuel was fourteen and he's dead. What's the point?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, we fight so hard to stay alive and we die anyway. What's the point? Why did I bother fighting so hard when I'm gonna die anyway someday?"

"Because," I said, tears threatening. "Because the people around you, who also love you, want you to stick around. Why things happen like Ethan, or Emmanuel, I don't know. But it's not fair. And you fought so we could remind you how much we all love you."

Jaime was quiet.

"Emmanuel was my best friend," he said. "We grew up together. We started school together. His mom registered him a year early. He was so smart. His life was a waste. He could have done anything he wanted to. But now he's a slab of meat in a morgue, getting colder."

I didn't say anything. I knew he was coming to terms with what happened. I just watched my son.

After a while, he came out of the pool and stood on the deck, just dripping on the ground. I got up and went over to him.

"Why?" He asked me, cocking his head.

"Why what?" I asked.

"Just," his lower lip was quivering. "Why?"

He broke down and started crying. I gathered him in my arms and we both sank to the ground as Jaime's thin frame was wracked with sobs. I couldn't make it better. I couldn't bring his friend back. I couldn't cure Ethan. I couldn't promise Jaime that his cancer wouldn't come back.

But I could hold and console my son.