Heathens & Hand Grenades (Book 1 of the Heathens Duet)

Chapter 66- Callie

Completely and utterly numb. As though I'm submerged underwater, drifting off into the infinite expanse of nothingness, I know things are happening around me, but it's all dulled, muted. Hands touch, voices converse around me, beams of light break through the darkness, all observed through this hazy film. I'm a part of it even though I feel apart. My name is repeated multiple times, but each one sounds like it's distant, an echo in a long tunnel.

I just need to rest a moment. Better than falling apart.

I don't want to admit the fear that floats with me, that Colton finally succeeded in breaking me down. That all of this is just another one of his games to make me think I've won, just to rip the carpet from below me again. It would be just like him. The absence of hope threatened to break me once, before I got away. No one would even know where to look for me, instead looking for my masked men.

I fall into the darkness, drifting off into the blissful oblivion of sleep, where the Sandman is the only one who can claim me.

Sage is the first thing that hits me when I wake. The second is the arms banded around me, holding me like I'm something precious. The third, the slow even breaths blowing across my hair as he sleeps, his face the most relaxed I've ever seen it.

"He just fell asleep."

I startle at the voice beside me. The arms holding me tighten as his breathing stutters before falling back into a slow and steady rhythm, almost like a lion purring.

God watches me, mask in hand and twirling the straps around his fingers idly. His face is shuttered, a mask to mirror the one he's cradling. "I'm not going to ask you how you're feeling. I know there aren't enough words and by the way you're tensing your shoulders, they'd just be lies anyway."

I don't know what to say to any of that because he's right on both counts, so I just go with silence.

He nods and continues on. "I'm sorry. So infinitely sorry that if I told you every day for a thousand years, it wouldn't even come close to reaching the depths of the way we have hurt you. Th way I have hurt you." He reaches for my hand tentatively, not at all the sure commanding man I've grown to know and I let him. "But if you were to give me," two distinct coughs interrupt from the elsewhere in the room, "us, a chance. We will spend the rest of our miserable lives trying our damndest to make it up to you."

I'm floored by the sincerity pouring from his words and his eyes, but I don't know if I have it in me to forgive. My heart is hurting, I've been burned by them, literally from a result of their actions. It's petty to blame them for another man's actions, but rational or not, a part of me does.

"What happened to him?" I don't bother saying his name. They know good and well the only him I could be referring to.

Pretty Boy turns toward me from across the room where he's hard at work cleaning up the evidence of their arrival with a feral grin that takes over his face. "As of right now, nothing really. He's passed out in the bathroom. When he wakes, we'll all know. I have a list going if you want to add any requests, figured we should let you decide. Though I do have a few suggestions, a wish list of things I'd love to try if you'll let me."

"Dude," Dario elbows him and then grimaces at the move. "Ixnay on the torture plans. Are you trying to scare her off from us?"

"How is promising my pet retribution scaring her off? It's about as close to a declaration of love as anything else. What, were you expecting me to give her flowers and tell her everything will be fine? It won't be. All I can do is ensure that monster won't be coming for her or anyone else ever again. And orgasms, but those can wait."

"Jesus," God sighs beside me, his hands mopping down his face. "I don't know why I expect anything different coming out of your mouth. No filter at all."

"She's been living with his lies long enough. I vow never to lie to her. It's the least I can do."

"I want to watch."

Pretty Boy is smiling at me, but God looks concerned. "Are you sure?" I don't blame him. I'd be concerned by my own words even just a few weeks ago, but I'm a whole different woman now. I need to see with my own eyes that it's finished. I refuse to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life.

"Yes. Surer than I've been of anything else in my life. I need to see this through."

"If you're sure that's what you need, we'll make sure you get it," he concedes.

"I know Callie already clipped him once, but I just want one shot," Dario says casually, like talk of shooting someone is an everyday occurrence. With how we met, it could be. Unlikely, but still possible. Everything with us has moved so fast, it's still hard to realize there's so much I don't know about them. Including when Dario got shot. I can't believe I didn't notice. In all of the madness with Colt and I fighting over the gun, I knew I heard a fourth shot, but I must've brushed it off. Too focused on him and ensuring he couldn't use it against me. He would have killed me.

I scramble off my human chair, ignoring the snort of him waking, and rush to Dario's side. I want to run my hands all over him, strip him naked just to make sure there's nothing else I missed while I was too busy falling apart. How many other things have I let fly under the radar?

Instead, I cradle his face in my hands, kissing everywhere I can. "I'm so," kiss. "Sorry," kiss. "He never should have been able to touch you." Kiss. "How bad?"

"In and out, Callie Cat. Stitched up nice and pretty with some green thread. Pretty Boy let me pick since I was wounded," he grins like a little kid letting me in on a secret. I grin back. It's impossible not to with his infectious energy. I know he's doing it to cheer me up, so I don't spiral, but how can I not? "If this is the treatment for a gunshot wound, I should also tell you I scrapped my elbows going down the chimney. Oh, and my back and oof!"

He's cut off by Jaxson clapping down on his uninjured shoulder. "Was my bedside manner not good enough for you?"

Their playful banter is interrupted by the shower turning on, a horse yell and spluttering. "He's awake," the elephant in the room announces. As if we couldn't tell. I'm not sure which of us is trying harder to ignore the other, but both of us are failing miserably. I can feel his eyes on the side of my face, even when they swing off the moment I turn my head.

"The cabin is a total loss, right?" Jaxson confirms with God, who nods. I swear I'm missing something because we're still in the cabin and other than some mess that Jaxson's still cleaning up, it looks fine to me. "Good, good," he mutters to himself.

"Rise and shine Colton dear!" He sing-songs as he skips off toward the bathroom. I look around at the others to find a mixture of amusement and resignation.

My breath halts in my chest as I pass by Rave in the doorway. A million words pass between us in a glance, but we both seem to reach the same conclusion. There will never be enough and they will never change the reality in front of us, even with my problem tied up and lying in wait. His will always be me.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"Me too, Princess. Me too."

Crossing the boundary between hall and bathroom feels a lot heavier than it should be. I can leave, but I know I won't. I need this. No matter what.