Just Say it!

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JUDE POV- 16 YEAR OLD
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Just tell him already." Taylor groaned, rolling her eyes. I turned my head and she raised her eyebrows up at me.
"I'm not you Taylor, I can't just gather my confidence up to tell him. Plus, he's straight." I explain, rolling my eyes.
"Jude, Connor likes you. I know he does!" Taylor went on complaining, crossing her arms.
"Listen to my words. He. Does. Not. Like me. Let go of those three years." I repeated, shaking my head slowly as I went on explaining. Taylor huffed out a breath, turning around.
Connor can't like me, I mean he wouldn't. He's into his girlfriend.
But there was those times two years ago where I would see if Taylor's theory was right. When he held my hand, when he kissed me, and when both of us played footsie as we studied that one day. But those were only experiments. I know it.
Taylor just likes to believe that we could be an item, but it's pretty doubtful if you ask me. We barely even talk anymore, Connor and I. Daria chokes him with her kisses and they go on way too many dates-but I'm not jealous. No way, I'm not saying it. I scratched the back of my neck uncomfortably, noticing that was ranting about Connor inside my thoughts.
Ugh, I'm doing it again!
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I walked to the lunch room calmly, ignoring everyone and everything in sight like normal. Sitting at one of the lunch tables, I look down at my food sadly, feeling like I lost my appetite already. Looking over at Connor and Daria, it was obvious that she wanted PDA, so she grabbed his collar, and kissed him right on the lips. It seemed like Connor was taken aback by this, but he awkwardly melted into it, scooting himself closer to her. My skin shivered and I turned around in my seat. I have got to stop doing that.
"Hey weirdo." Taylor teased, sitting down in the seat across from me. She noticed that I took another glance at the two, and smirked. "Jude, you're doing it again." Quickly, I looked back at her with a shrug.
"No I'm not, I'm just eating my lunch." Picking up my sandwich, I make it convincing by biting into it. She rolled her eyes, looking at Daria and Connor.
"They make a bad couple, but that's just my opinion." Taylor shrugged, drinking her small carton of milk.
"You're saying that because you two stopped being friends." I chuckled as she glared at me.
"No, it's because she chose her stupid boyfriend over being my friend." She grumbled, looking down. I glared back at her.
"He's not stupid! He's smart and I-" I stopped myself from talking immediately, avoiding the next two words I was going to say. Because I love him. "Never mind, just let go of the past." I looked down sullenly.
"You what?" Taylor seemed more invested now, leaning in to hear me better.
"Because, I um, I.." I hesitated to put the words together, biting my lip. "I love Connor."
Taylor's eyes lit up in happiness and she smiled from ear to ear. "I knew it." She answered simply.
"I know you did." I whispered to myself, not wanting to say anymore about him.
"I'm sorry Jude." Taylor sighed, putting her hand on top of mine. "I know it's hard for you to watch your first love spend time with his beard."
"Beard?" I arched an eyebrow up in confusion.
"Fake girlfriend; it basically applies to both genders." Taylor responded, chuckling.
"Oh, that's weird." I nodded in unsurely, drinking my water bottle. She nodded back, but looked at the couple.
"Jude, you must've been in love with him for two years." Taylor looked back at me sympathetically. I looked down at the table, feeling my heart sink down in my chest.
"Yeah." I responded, looking at him took
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"Hey, why don't you ask him if you guys want to hang out?" Taylor said, putting her backpack on.
"We haven't talked in a while-we're almost strangers." I reply, shrugging as I put a book into my locker.
"Just try. Who knows, maybe it'll give you some luck." Taylor smiled, which made me internally sigh.
"I'll try, I guess." I nodded, and walked away to see Connor. The friend I haven't talk to in so long.
~
I approached his locker slowly and hesitantly, nervously biting my lip. When he noticed me, he smiled and waved. "Hey Jude." This made me chuckle, reminding me of when my mom had said, "the Beatles!" So, I just chuckled, which made him smile more.
"What's up?" I greet, lining my lips together nervously. He shrugged, putting a book into his locker.
"Nothing, you?" Connor smiled uncomfortably.
"Nothing." I look at my feet, regretting this conversation. We hadn't talked much since that kiss we shared in the 7th grade. Those kisses. "So I was wondering, do you want to hang out... Today after school?" I ask, biting my lip.
"Uh, let me check my calendar." He answered, opening his locker again to check. Seriously, a calendar? Daria must really love him. "Yeah, I think it's fine." Connor nodded. "Your house?"
"Yeah." I nodded slowly.
"Alright. Meet at the bench?" Connor asked as I nodded. The corners of his lips rose up as he walked away, leaving me love struck. Man, I've got it bad.
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"Wow, a lot has changed since I last came here." Connor looked around my house in amazement. Shrugging, I stared at him.
"Yeah. A lot can change in two years." I informed him as I set my backpack down. He looks at me awkwardly, nodding. Last time we were here, we were playing footsie in my room. Connor's eyes traveled from me to the living room.
"Oh, new game set?" He smiled in question. I nodded, clasping my hands together.
"Jesus plays it most of the time. I play Star Wars commander 4." I turn to him, exhaling.
"Oh, we should play that. I brought my iPad. You still have my PSP?" He questions. My ears burn, but I nodded silently. He smiled in response, looking at the ground.
"It's almost like old times-before things changed." Connor sighed-almost sounding sad.
"Yeah, I know." I blush, avoiding a smile. He noticed this, and I swore I saw his cheeks turn red too.
"Way too many memories in this house, huh." He laughed uncomfortably, clearing his throat.
"Yep." I said, for the millionth time as I grabbed a water bottle quietly. Connor looked me with an almost sad expression, but quickly shrugged it off.
"Anyway, get your PSP. It's game time." Connor smiled. I smiled back as we both walked up the stairs.
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"Dammit!" He groaned as I yet again, kicked his ass at the game. "How are you doing so well?"
"Remember the cheat you taught me?" I smirked, looking up at him. "It comes in handy."
"Ugh. Curse my 13 year old self." He laughed. We both looked down and continued playing. I pressed the A key down repeatedly and moved the arrows as fast as the speed of light. He looked at my psp nervously and kept trying to go faster. Then again, I beat him again.
"Yes!" I cheered, chuckling. Connor shot me a soft glare but started to smile.
"That's it." Connor said before suddenly tackling me to the floor, I mentally gasped, fighting to get up and away from him. He suddenly pinned me down to the ground, laughing as I did the same.
Suddenly, memories from the 7th grade came back. When him and I were playing baseball, which ended up becoming an intense moment on the ground, which was quite comfortable. He smiled at me and I smiled back, my heart beating out of my chest.
His smile disappeared, and his glance stayed right on me while I did the same. Quickly and unexpectedly, he leaned down fast and captured my lips with his. I closed my eyes and kissed him back, not knowing what else can do. There wasn't a way I could pull away because it's hard when your the one being pinned down; so I kissed backed.
He pulled away after a minute, his eyes widened and his lips slightly swollen.
"I'm.. I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that." He said, feeling his lips. "I don't know what came over me."
"It's fine." I responded with a deep sigh. "I know, you're confused."
"Confused?" He questioned, arching an eyebrow up. "What do you mean?"
"I-don't know what I mean." I bit my lip, covering up my answer.
"I'm not gay, Jude." He said, tears filling his eyes. "I just can't be." He got up, and left my room in a flash; leaving me dumbfounded.
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To be continued.
-A

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