Freedom and the Beast

Six

Chapter 6

"I'M A WOMAN and he's a man. It's normal to feel some sexual attraction to him, right?"

"That's right."

"So I can also be attracted to others."

"Yes, Princess."

"So... If I let another man fuck my brains out tonight, do you think mawawala 'yong nararamdaman ko para kay Domino?"

Channing looked at me tiredly. Kanina pa kami nag-uusap at pilit kong hinahanapan ng ibang paraan ang problema ko kaysa sumang-ayon sa suggestion niya. I mean, why the hell would I agree with his stupid idea? Me? Fucking with my ex? That's a huge NO for me.

"What the body wants, the body gets. Trust me on this, Free. No other man can satisfy your hunger for Domino," he said before sipping on his fourth Margarita.

I stared at the table in front. There's no way I wouldn't be satisfied with sleeping with another guy except Domino. Sex is sex. No matter who your partner was, you would still feel the same pleasure. What else could be a big difference?

***

"Wait. Stop," I told Arman while blocking his body before it could crush me against the mattress.

He was panting as he looked down at me. He's already shirtless and the strap of my dress was below my elbow.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his face red.

"I forgot I have to go somewhere," I said before pushing him away from my body.

He gaped at me, annoyed by my sudden change of mind. "Seryoso ka ba?"

"Yes. I'm sorry." Tumayo ako at inayos ang damit ko.

I left the hotel room bago pa siya tuluyang magalit. I ran inside the elevator and punched the ground floor button. I closed my eyes the exact moment the elevator door closed.

Shit. I'm such a stupid ass bitch. What happened tonight was a total wreck. I was not like this with those guys I hooked up with. I was a great woman. They were a gentlemen. Arman was a gentleman. I was the one who walked straight to him in the bar and asked him to have sex with me. But as soon as my lips tasted his, that's when I realized I made a huge mistake. I did not feel anything aside from wishing that I was kissing that particular guy instead of Arman.

I'm such an asshole.

I felt sorry for him. He was a good talker. He made sure I was fine until we booked a hotel room for our hook up. But then I bitched out. I left him there with a massive boner and pretended like it wasn't my fault. I lead him on for nothing.

My God. I couldn't believe I did that. My guilt was eating all of the cells inside my body right now. I should've listened to Chan in the first place. Hindi ko na sana kwinestyon ang sinabi niya tungkol sa katawan ko. He was not wrong in the first place.

I returned to Eleves Towers at two in the morning. Tulog si Ponyo nang makarating ako sa unit, pero nagising siya nang marinig ang pagdating ko. I walked lifelessly toward the bathroom to take a quick shower. I didn't bother to put my sleeping clothes on and just went straight to the bed after cleaning up. Umakyat din sa kama si Ponyo at nahiga sa tabi ko.

I woke up at six the next day. I was grumpy and in a bad mood the whole morning prep because I only had four hours of sleep. Hindi na nga rin ako naka-yoga dahil wala talaga ako sa mood buong umaga. Matamlay ako habang hinahatid si Ponyo sa school niya pati hanggang sa makarating ako sa trabaho.

"What's wrong with you?" nagtatakang tanong ni Nemmie sa akin habang magkasalo kaming kumakain ng breakfast sa cafeteria.

"Nothing," I said with a blank tone.