nsb oneshots!!!!

i'm right here (sebryan)

i'm right here (sebryan)
t/w: mentions of self harm, unhealthy habits, mentions of blood, su!c!de and low self esteem
don't proceed further if you feel like you aren't comfortable with these topics.

Ryan sat in his bedroom, staring into space. Sebastian had noticed Ryan zoning out a lot. He didn't ask Ryan anything, because he knew Ryan would push him away. The only person Ryan ever felt comfortable talking to about his feelings openly was Darren. It was quite weird considering the fact Ryan was the closest with Justin. But he couldn't ever be open about his feelings to anyone regardless. But Darren, as unserious as he seemed, was very sympathetic. Him and Ryan, on the surface, may not seem similar, but deep down, they really understood each other. It kind of annoyed Sebastian how he could never truly be there for Ryan but Darren could. They were roommates and it was straight torture for him to see Ryan not focusing on himself anymore. Sebastian kept staring at Ryan, debating if he should try to talk to him. He had noticed for the past few weeks that even the slightest bit of loud noise made Ryan flinch. He also noticed that Ryan had stopped eating much, and working out in an unhealthy manner. He starved himself and worked out, only to come back home and collapse on the bed. He was also constantly locking himself in their room. Sebastian didn't mind, he just wanted Ryan to feel safe. But he wasn't so sure that Ryan would be safe left alone by himself. Ryan was also wearing full sleeves when it was 35°C outside. It filled Sebastian's head with concern, but he couldn't say anything. He just had to stand and watch on the sidelines. He finally looked away from Ryan, deciding to go talk to Darren.

"Hey, Dar. You got a minute?" "Yeah sure bro, you need anything?" Sebastian stood infront of Darren, trying to come up with the right words to explain the situation. "Promise me, you won't laugh, or like tease me about it later," "If it's something serious to you, you know I'll never joke about it," Darren motioned Sebastian to sit down. Once he sat down, he didn't tell Darren about what he noticed about Ryan, rather he told him about his feelings towards Ryan. Sebastian's description of how perfect Ryan was, could be shown in a museum. He described Ryan's eyes as a maze, that he could get lost in them easily. Darren looked at Sebastian, raising a brow, "You're whipped, aren't you?" "Uh," Sebastian scratched the back of his neck. Darren just chuckled and said, "When you know when to tell him, you just know. It doesn't have to be now, it could be later. Give him time. He's going through some shit that he won't even tell me about, so I wonder how serious it is."

A few days passed by, Ryan's actions started to seem even more concerning. Sebastian had told Oliver about it, but Ryan wouldn't even open the door when Oliver tried talking to him. Justin, Kane and Regie went on a on-the-spur trip to Las Vegas. Darren had flown to visit his cousins in Minnesota (not factual, just for this story). Oliver, well Oliver had three photoshoots in three different states. Sebastian and Ryan were the only ones left behind. They would have the entire house to themselves for three entire weeks. Three weeks. Sebastian could do something in that time, couldn't he? The first two days, Ryan ignored Sebastian's existence. Sebastian was positively and very visibly hurt by it, but he shook it off. Ryan would spend most of his days locked in their room, or at a bridge near their home. Sebastian knew he had to talk to Ryan somehow. He needed to. A week had passed by without them even talking to each other. With the house so empty and no one around, Sebastian took note of two things. One, Ryan wasn't sleeping enough and two, Ryan had completely disappeared from social media. His profile picture on instagram was a black screen, same for his twitter, discord and snapchat. Sebastian was confused. On the 8th day of them being alone, Sebastian decided, he needed to talk to Ryan. He stood infront of their bedroom, contemplating. He managed to knock on the door, very very lightly. It was barely audible. In response, he heard a very panicked, "Wait, don't c-come in." Sebastian frowned. He needed to lie to get inside. "I need to change my clothes, I gotta go outside. It's important. I'm coming in." He heard metal crashing against each other, rummaging and rustling. He just opened the door. He didn't see Ryan, so he walked to the bathroom. He flung the door open. He was met with a sight he wasn't prepared to see. Ryan's arm, bleeding. His eyes, bloodshot. A blade in his hand, clutched tightly. Broken glass shards, bloodied. Numerous scars trailling up on both his arms. Some old. Some recent. Some freshly cut. Sebastian didn't know who started crying first, him or Ryan. Sebastian just reached for a cabinet, opening it and bringing out a few bandages and some antiseptic. He took out some cotton balls too. He set them aside and walked towards Ryan. He held out his hands, silently asking for the blade. Ryan hesitantly gave it to him. Sebastian picked up the bloodied glass shards and threw them out. He got the first aid stuff and sat on the floor beside Ryan. He didn't talk at all and gently grabbed Ryan's hand. He poured some anti-septic on a cotton ball and lightly dabbed Ryan's fresh wounds. Ryan winced and sniffled, but he let Sebastian clean his cuts. When Sebastian was done, they sat in silence for a while. Sebastian didn't know what to ask or what to tell Ryan. Ryan was also debating if he should just tell Sebastian everything. Ryan took a deep breath, "I know you're wondering what happened. I want to tell you everything Sebastian, but I don't know how," "Start from when it started, tell me when you're comfortable," Ryan nodded. He stayed silent for a little and started. "I don't know how to describe it. I don't even know what this is. But all I know is I hate that I can't do as much as you and the rest do for our group. I just sit here and do nothing. I hate how I look, I hate how I sound, I hate everything about myself. And there are the comments, always tearing me down. Those hurt me more than they should. I know I'm being stupid, but I can't help it. I feel like I'm being selfish by even thinking about this. The rest of you have it harder than me," Ryan was crying at this point. Really hard. Sebastian didn't say anything but pulled Ryan into a hug, careful not to hurt his arms. He ran his fingers through Ryan's hair, kissing him on top of his forehead. "It's okay to feel like this sometimes. It's not a competition about who has it harder. Everyone's issues are unique. I'll always be here for you, no matter what happens. I'll always keep you safe. I love you so so much, Ryan. You have no idea," Sebastian smiled at Ryan. Ryan was shocked at Sebastian's statement but he hugged Sebastian closer. Sebastian smiled and pulled Ryan closer. "No matter what happens, I'll always be right here."

thank you for reading!
i wrote this in literally a span of three days. on the train, on the bus and now in my hotel room. hopefully y'all like it!