nsb oneshots!!!!

scars (olegie)

t/w: descriptive mention of self harm, mentions of su!c!de.
Mentions of unhealthy coping mechanisms.
don't proceed further if you feel like you aren't comfortable with these topics.

Oliver sat on his bed, trembling. Sobs raking his body. He tried to keep it quite, muffling the sounds by pressing his face into his pillow. He had been scrolling through the comments again. Not the happy, positive ones. The ones that tore him down, pointing out each and every one of his insecurities, the ones criticizing his every move. He glanced at his screen again. The words from the comments, hurting. He knew he was being stupid. Some words from some stranger on the internet does not define who he is. Yet he's completely falling apart. He took a deep breathe, struggling because he was crying so hard. He got up off of his bed. Reaching towards his desk drawer. He didn't want to relapse but this is the only coping mechanism he knew other than drinking until he blacked out. He couldn't do that in broad daylight. He pulled out a blade. Hands trembling. He walked into his bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. The voices in his head, whispering.
He ran the blade on his skin, pressing hard.
1 because he was pathetic
2 because he was a bad friend
3 because he was selfish
4 because he was a bad leader
5 because he couldn't be there for his members all the time for his own issues
6 because he was a bad brother
7 because he would never be anyone's first priority
8 because he was worthless and undeserving of anything
9 because he only deserved to be miserable
10 because he deserved to die.
Soon enough, numerous new wounds were opened on his old scars. Blood was dripping from his hands. He ran his hand under warm water, wincing because it hurt a lot. And that's what he deserved. He couldn't shake off the feeling that he didn't deserve any happiness that he had now. He just wanted to leave or disappear and never come back. He washed his face so no one would suspect anything. He pulled on a hoodie and went downstairs. "Heyyy, Oliiii," Regie said before pulling him towards himself. "Hey," Oli replied trying hard not to let the strain of crying show in his voice. "You okay, bro?" "Mhm, I'm fine." Regie knew something was wrong but he let him be. Knowing he would talk to him later.

A few hours later, Oli found himself locked in his room. Drinking. Drinking himself to blackout. Or at least trying to. During times like these, he hated having high alcohol tolerance. He downed another glass and was about to pour another one, when his doorknob jiggled. He froze. Reaching for any full sleeve clothing he found. "Oli, open the fucking door, I'm tryna sleep bro," "Yeah yeah, opening it, wait," He put on his shirt before opening the door. "You been drinking inside?" "Yeah, why? I just needed a drink," " A drink? I see a whole empty bottle," "You know I've high alcohol tolerance," Oliver rolled his eyes. "You don't drink inside unless there's something going on. What happened?" "Nothing," "Tell me," "Nothing happened, why you asking?" Regie sighed and walked away. Oliver felt guilty for pushing Regie away but he grabbed the empty alcohol bottle and his glass, and placed them where they should be.
Regie was in the bathroom. He saw the blade. It didn't have any blood on it. But, why would there be a blade in their bathroom. Unless. Regie frowned and flung the bathroom door open. Waving the blade around Oliver's face, "The fuck is this man?" Oliver frowned, to mask his emotions bubbling up. "How the fuck would I know?" "I haven't been in our room the whole day and you've been here almost all day. What. is. this?" Regie pressed on. Olivers bottom lip quivered as his eyes watered. Regie's eyes that were radiating anger, now softened at the sight. He stood still, examining Oliver's face. Oliver couldn't hold in his tears anymore and let them out. He started crying full on. Regie pulled him into a hug. "Come on, let it out, let it all out baby," Regie gently ran his fingers through Oliver's hair. Oliver flinched when his arm rubbed against Regie's side. His arms burning from the fresh wounds. Regie looked at Oliver. "Can I?" He asked as he was reaching for Oliver's hand. Oliver only nodded, wiping the stray tears off of his face. Regie slowly rolled up Oliver's sleeve and gasped. "Oli..." he trailed off. All the fresh and old scars, visible on his arm. "How long has it been since you relapsed?" "Today," Oliver sniffled. "Come here," Regie pulled him into a hug, rubbing circles on his back. "You can tell me whenever you're ready, okay?" Oliver nodded in response, clutching Regie's tshirt as he hugged him closer.
Oliver slowly pulled away from the hug and looked at Regie, "I deserve to die," Regie's eyes grew sad. "No Oli, please don't say that. What would I do without you? What would Sebastian do without you? What about Mateo? Your mom? Your dad? The other nsb members? We would be lost Oli," "Sometimes it's good to be selfish, I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve the happiness, I don't deserve anything good that happens to me. I'm a mess. How are people supposed to rely on me when I'm such a fucking dumbfuck? I'm not good looking, pretty, I don't even have a nice enough body. I'm just a fucking wannabe." "It's not like that Oli. We all love you and when I tell you I love you, I really mean it. You're the best thing that has happened to me. You're the most gorgeous person I've ever laid my eyes on. I don't know who told you all that but you are truly the most perfect person in my eyes." Oliver smiled at Regie and hugged him again, burying his face in his chest. "I love you too" came Oliver's muffled voice. Regie smiled and promised himself that he would never ever let this man hurt himself again and he would help him heal his scars.

thank you so much for reading!
this chapter was kind of personal as it is based on some things that I've struggled with myself. this fic is something that I wish had happened when I was going through it. but nonetheless, know that you're loved! even if you think you aren't, there's at least one person that loves you!

yours truly