Downton Abbey - The Story of Emma Barrow

A Father's Love (July 1918)

Thomas tried to gather his thoughts and find a way to improve his relationship with his daughter. He needed to find a way to show her that he was there for her. He wanted to build a connection with his child, but it was not as easy as he had thought. He didn't understand his child. Just a few minutes ago, she wanted him to play with her, and in the next moment, she replaced him with a dog. On top of that, his child wished him dead. What had he done wrong? Emma had everything she needed: a roof over her head, warm meals every day, toys, and well-kept clothing.

The child's wish spread like wildfire among the staff. Without a doubt, O'Brien gossiped, but Thomas had more important things to do. He was looking for the blonde maid. It took him a great deal of courage to ask her for advice.

"Anna?" he asked, "Do you know how... what Emma might... I would like to..." he stammered.

"How you can bond with your daughter? What Emma likes and how you can win her over?" she pieced together his questions. Thomas nodded in agreement.

"I heard what she said to you," she sighed, "Emma loves you and spoke highly of you in your absence. Every time a letter arrived..." Anna smiled at the memory, "she was overjoyed. She likes it when you read her books, enjoys playing with her toys, and once, she played 'tea party' with William, Daisy, and her stuffed animals." Anna took a deep breath, "You need to be more present in her life."

"I'm trying," Thomas replied.

"Thomas," Anna intentionally addressed him by his first name, "Emma is disappointed in you. She has believed that you were the best father in the world, and Mrs. Hughes has held that perception very high... since you returned, you hardly pay attention to your child – only when it suits you – do you remember your words from back then when you convinced all of us why Emma shouldn't go to the orphanage? Because you can give her a better and safer future. And you are doing that, but it takes more than just a roof over her head... you know what hurts the child the most? That you don't reciprocate her love. You never have."

Thomas stared at Anna in shock. But he did love his daughter – his little dwarf – he had never intended to disappoint Emma. He had simply been so unsure of how to fulfill his role as a father that he had often withdrawn and didn't know how to interact with her.

His daughter was far from having everything she deserved; she lacked love. More specifically, she lacked the unconditional love that a father can give to his child. While Thomas had learned from his experiences that the people who entered his life had been waiting for an opportunity to stab him in the back, once they found out he was different – homosexual – they treated him with nothing but hatred and disgust. But that mistrust did not excuse his distant behavior towards his innocent daughter. Was he keeping her at a distance because she had already been influenced at a young age by Anna, William, Bates, Carson, and Hughes? Or was it to protect himself from the pain if Emma were to one day discover the truth about him and want nothing to do with him?

Then he would have to learn to cope with that pain if it ever came to that, but his child should not have to live with the feeling that he doesn't love her. He knows exactly how it feels when love is not reciprocated. His own father stopped loving him on the day he found out that he loved men. From that day on, his father treated him with hatred and disgust.

In the library of his lordship, he borrowed a children's book. Outside in the grand garden of the Crawleys, he found his child as well. Lying on the flower meadow under the tree with the dog, Isis, she stroked her behind the ears.

"I found a good book," Thomas spoke nervously. "Would you like me to read it to you?"

The girl neither looked up at him nor responded to his question. Uncertain, the sergeant stood before a 6-year-old who simply ignored him. "May I sit next to you?" he tried his luck again. In the end, the girl nodded and granted him a free spot right by the tree, where he leaned against it. In elaborate handwriting, ‚Alice in Wonderland' was written on the old book cover. It depicted a drawing of a young girl. Emma tried to suppress her curiosity and quickly averted her eyes back to the dog.