Irreconcilable~Mattheo Riddle

Year 2: Mattheo's POV

song: Trouble- Cage the elephant

SEPTEMBER:

The plot of the return of my father, lessons in manipulation, and a train ride later, I am back at Hogwarts.

Finally, the game is afoot.

I had one goal this year, to help bring back a part of my father's soul to give him more strength. I decided to dedicate my time to studying the Dark Arts, easily accessed by the restricted section. Other than that, I was forced into mind-numbing conversations with Draco. Theodore was bearable, he did not talk much but when he did, it was stimulating.

"I can't wait for Scarhead to see these brooms," Draco is holding his broom as if it is the only thing he ever loved. It is quite funny how we attach so much value to a broomstick.

"Should we give you two some privacy," asked Theodore who was lounging on the couch, slightly lifting his head to observe us.

I could not help but laugh, Theodore smiled back at me. 
"You think you're funny? Just you wait-" I interrupted Draco mid-sentence, his face flushed red with annoyance

"Wait until your father hears about this?" I snicker, I don't feel compelled to stick up for Theodore, I just like to see Draco in his place.

Once again, we burst into laughter. I take a seat next to Nott and he sits up, "Are you sure you can do this?" his mix of green and brown eyes unreadable.

"What exactly are you implying?" I sit back lazily on the couch. If I do not act a certain way things will get complicated. My strange behavior reported to Bellatrix and Snape. Punishment. It is not myself I fear for, and they know that. One by one they will harm those close to me, to teach me a lesson.

"I am implying that you stay away from anyone who isn't a pureblood." he glances in my direction.

"Is this about Y/N?" I sit up again, alert.

"I did not say it was, but this information is...particularly... useful." he sighs and stretches again, picking up a nearby book. Without hesitation, I swat the book out of his hand. 

"You really think I would ever enjoy the company of someone so desperate for attention?" the words taste bitter on my tongue. This is the only way to protect her. I have developed a soft spot for her, but I would be lying if I said it did not anger me sometimes. Such innocence and kindness, after all that has happened? I do not care for pleasantries or friendship, but she makes me see the value in it, in not being alone. That is what angers me.

He chuckles, "Fair enough."

"Speaking of attention, want to take some away from Golden Boy tomorrow? Show off a bit?" Squeaked Draco.

I smiled, "Why not?"  I sometimes find myself stuck in the habits of my family. I don't always mean what I say, it is as if it is being said for me. I don't want to be bad. I don't want to be this person, but I am. Why should I be any different than what I was taught to be?

Eventually, I decided to go to the library, sneaking into the restricted section might just offer me some silence. Luckily, during the holidays I taught myself the Disillusionment charm, so it is much easier to sneak in than it was last year.

I pace between the dusty old books, I cannot help but admire the knowledge that surrounds me. These words fill up pages and pages, cascading onto each other like a waterfall that has never gone through a drought. That is the beauty of books, they just are. People have a need to want more, to need more and that is what these rectangular-shaped papers offer us. Something we do not have in reality, comfort.

I notice a large and tattered book that has gold embroidery, "Secrets of the Dark Arts" I decide to go and sit by my usual spot to read it, not as if there is anything more for me to learn. I casted Crucio last year. Bellatrix said it was important for me to know how to put Mudbloods back where they belong.