Water's Embrace || Ao'nung x Neteyam

Chapter 05: Questioned beliefs.

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"I am rightfully convinced that God is there, but he is not right, and he refuses to listen to me. I rather believe that he is up there looking down at me and laughing than believe he is not anywhere and being right about my faltering faith.

What a miserable thing is to know that the thoughts I am thinking, the body I am in are just a product of misfortune and not destiny.

Perhaps if I were destined to be miserable the idea would have been a little easier to bear, but to know that I hate this very being while having the option of not doing so at the side of this dark path makes me feel defeated for I cannot get out of it.

I know that I do not want to be here when there is no purpose for me. And I know I don't ever want to make a friend because I don't have hopes to see them again after I die.

If I am wrong my bones will decay next to the one that is right, and their soul will rest for eternity while I will be punished for doubting the God that failed me.

Because his beliefs, which I mistakenly borrowed as my own, had caused me to feel nothing but solitude. The pages of his book gave me no answer, no comfort, only hurt and confusion.

I resent him, and I resent myself. Why does he punish me for being the thing he made me into?

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Neteyam sighed as he looked up in awe. The roof of the cathedral they were at had so many details he knew he wouldn't be able to appreciate all even if he were to stay put for hours on end. The marble floors made noise with each step people took, and the intricate design on it gave him another reason to stare.

By the time they arrived at the nave, the place was not as full as he would have expected given that it was a weekend, so the families had a lot of free space to place themselves on the pews comfortably. Their parents sat together a little far ahead, while the younger ones decided to stay at the back, a little far away from one another.

Neteyam sat next to Ao'nung who was leaning on the kneelers while holding his rosary in hand, eyes closed, and praying like the rest of his family. He never would have pictured him as a religious person, but Ao'nung was still a mystery to him, so he couldn't be too surprised.

He could hear a choir practicing somewhere for the mass that would be held the next day. The sound was distant, but loud enough to make his skin flourish with goosebumps.

He averted his eyes to the other side of the place where he could catch a glimpse of Lo'ak sighing with a look of boredom on his face. Unlike the rest of their family, the brothers were never the religious type.

Neteyam knew he had a reason. Religion had never given him the comfort and solace everyone said it was supposed to grant. After so many years of failed attempts no god ever responded to him or put an end to his unreasonable suffering, so he just stopped trying.

And while his reason lay entirely in the loss of faith, Lo'ak simply refused to have any from the start.

"Be respectful." Neteyam mouthed to his brother who only rolled his eyes and looked away.

After being bluntly ignored Neteyam took a deep breath but decided to just let him be. His eyes once away drifted to Ao'nung next to him. He wore a suit, a proper suit, for the first time in the couple weeks they had been there, and the sight was not unpleasant.