QT: Against My Will (Volume 1)

2.05 - Who Was More Manipulative? - Mr. and Mrs. Jelly

╔═══ Author's note ════╗

Edited by Psycho S

Proofreaded by P.D Webb.

╚═════════════════╝

Gaming was the only way he could cope with the darkness in his heart. Gaming distracted him from thinking at all and, since he met Bing Shi, his thoughts only ever revolved around her. She was his coping mechanism, besides gaming.

He would always change himself to fit what she liked. If she liked men who were funny, he too, would try to be funny. She despised men who were suggestive; who were perverted and so, he didn't dare to be suggestive, or perverted.

She hated smokers and alcoholics; he resolved to never drink alcohol (he prided in never touching it) and he didn't smoke. She hated men who were abusive to their lovers- or to anyone in general, really. He has, not once, laid his hands on anyone... He hated abusive men and he swore he'd never be one too.

She hated cheaters; what kind of cheaters, she didn't need to elaborate. He wasn't a cheater. He hated people who weren't faithful too.

(Xuan Mu): Please, don't leave. You saved my life.

Unthinkingly, he typed that sentence out. When he re-read the sentence, he hated himself. Why would he say that? She must be puking from his desperation now...

(Bing Shi): Oh, how?

'Should I tell her?' He covered his mouth, trying to hold his tears in. 'Wouldn't I scare her away? But didn't she say she hates perfect men? So I don't have to be perfect?'

(Xuan Mu): Do you know the time when I found you? I just came out of the hospital. If I didn't meet you, I would probably end up there again.

His lips began to tremble, 'Or in the asylum.'

(Bing Shi): Were you sick? Are you okay now? Why were you in the hospital?

Xuan Mu stared at that sentence. 'She cares?' He thought in wonder as he momentarily stopped functioning. He shook his head as he got back onto the track. 'Now, here it comes...'

(Xuan Mu): Attempted suicide. After I went home and found you, I decided that I could live a bit longer.

The girl on the other side was too shocked by this revelation. She couldn't understand. How could he want to hurt himself? Wasn't he afraid of pain?

'Now, she will leave for sure. I don't even know what she looks like or where she lives. Why does she affect me so much?' He furrowed his eyebrows together as he waited for Bing Shi's reply.

'Whatever, I don't care anymore...' He lied to himself as he clenched his chest. 'Stop...hurting!'

(Bing Shi): Huh? Are you telling the truth? You're not lying, right? How did you try to die? You sounded so happy when you were talking to me. Were you pretending?

'Hm? She's... curious? She didn't run away?' thought Xuan Mu. His fingers trembled as an epiphany(2) settled into his guts. That epiphany... it wasn't right at all, but he didn't know that.

'If she wants to know about the sick part of myself then I'll let her know!' Xuan Mu viciously thought as his fingers typed rapidly.

(Xuan Mu): I hate everything. It wasn't my decision to be born... But, it can be my decision when I want to die. I tried to overdose on sleeping pills, and I almost died. But they found out... Now, they don't even let me lock my door.

(Bing Shi): Are you sure it wasn't your decision to live? I mean, you had to be faster than all the other sperms to get to the egg. Even if you were slower, the egg didn't let other sperms pass through, except for you.