Between the Ice [h.s]

| Epilogue 01 |

-Harry-

One Year Later...

Standing here is harder than I thought. A bouquet of flowers are squeezed in my hand.

Reading the embroidered name on the tombstone, my stomach aches with pain.

Eulalia Rue Snow
Loving Daughter and Friend
February 20th, 1999 - April, 13th, 2023

Today is her birthday and she turns 24-years-old.

Even though I come to her grave every Sunday, it seems to get worse each time. I miss her so damn much. How could Liam do this to me? How could I do this?

I went into therapy for a reason and somehow it still does not work because I still am able to blame myself.

Sitting down on the fresh patch of grass, I cross my legs over each other. I lay the flowers before rubbing my hand over her name.

"Hi, happy birthday. I brought Chinese food, your favorite. Hopefully you aren't too mad that you can't have any." I try to joke, but stomach pinches in pain. "Anyways, I miss you. So much."

My fingers peel the cartons of food out of the plastic bag and I start to eat slowly, getting enough courage to speak the tiny speech I made for her.

Inhaling, I began. "I know this is stupid but I love you too much to not do something like this. Now, even though you are not here anymore, I still feel you around me each day. Blueberry and Marvel are still confused, but I manage to try and explain to them. Your smell and voice is heard around the house, even though I know it is my imagination. Moving forward is hard, but my thearpist says it will help. You will always be in my heart, Darling. You did not deserve to die wether you thought you did. I'm going to keep fighting for you, Love Dove." My voice cracks, the back of my hand reaches to my right eye to wipe the forming tears.

For an hour I speak to here, imagining what we would be doing if she was here. My Chinese food fills me up so I tie up the food and shove it in the bag for leftovers.

Tapping my fingers with a kiss, I press them to the tombstone. "I love you. Forever and always, my love."

Standing up from off the grass, I walk back to my car and drive off to the apartment building. For some time now, I have been thinking of moving different apartments. I still can't seem to make a decision or not. Everything is still fresh.

Arriving back in the parking garage, I go tot eh elevator, press my floor number and patiently wait. Turning out of the sliding elevator doors, I unlock my front door.

Pushing my shoes off, I open the fridge and put my extra Chinese for whenever I am hungry next. Next, I walk out of the kitchen to meet up with Blueberry who is already rubbing against my ankles. I take her little body in my arms and rush upstairs.We plop down cozy on the bed, Marvel snoozing, his head pushed in his feathers.

I would take him out but he would just be grumpy for the next few hours and I rather not.

Laying my head on the pillow, a sigh escapes my lips before I gently close my eyes. Blueberry kisses my cheek wih her sandpaper tongue, a chuckle leaving lips.

"You sweet girl," I coax, "I wish you and Eulalia had a few more years together, forever even." I mumble, a knot caught in my throat. Swallowing, I blink, twisting my body to face my nightstand.

Staring at it longer, I set the drawer is cracked open. I have ever opened the drawer, which is strange. I lean forward, sliding the lid and peaking inside. A stack of poem books and rainbow pens are nestled inside. Sliding around, an envelope cracks open and I snatch it, my eye roaming the written words drawn out.

'If I died' is written on the front, the familiar handwriting snaps in my memory. No, it can't be.

Sliding my fingertip underneath the slip of the envelope, the neatly folded letter is slipped inside of it. My heart begins to race like I have just run a marathon.

Sitting up against the bed frame, BB lays in my lap like a little ball, fitting perfectly. Unfolding each corner slowly, her written words reach to the edge of the paper.

Dear, Harry

If you're crying, stop it. I knew this day would appear and I have come to accept my fate. Life does not always go to plan and that's alright.

When I first meet you, I planned to hurt you deeply. Turns out we just did it to ourselves and you know what, I still ended up loving you over our major mistakes.

Whatever happened to me, death wise, set it aside and heal. I do not want you to suffer with me not there. I would never want that for you, or all my friends and family. I want you guys to laugh and celebrate, hold each other close rather than pushing each other away. Do not give up because I am gone. If I deserve one thing it is keeping me happy while you are happy, even if I am not there.

I remember the time I was laying in your bed and I asked you to explain why you called me Love Dove. You told me that doves are a symbol of peace and freedom and you told me you would be able to let me go when things got rocky.

Well guess what? I want you to be able to let me go, Harry. I want you move on and find someone to love. Hold our memories, but make new ones and start a family. I do not want you to live sad and lonely the rest of your life. I want you to be free too.

Do this for me, please, and remember that maybe in another life, our love will find its way back to us. One where it isn't filled with murder and secrets.

Lastly, the necklace inside the envelope, keep it and pass it on. I do not care how you do it but just find someone else's neck to put it on.

I love you more than words can describe.

Yours truly,
Love Dove

Uncontrollable sobs escape my eyes and lips, and my tears splash on the paper. Swallowing, I reread the words before looking into the envelope for the necklace. It's the dove necklace I gave her.

How did I not know she left this letter for me for so long?

Calming down, I fold the paper back up and slip the note inside the envelope. I take the necklace and put it on.

I am going to make Eulalia's wishes true, even if it hurts too much right now. I want to be happy for her, but also for me.

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