𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝐈 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔, 𝗷𝗼𝗵𝗻 𝗯 𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗹𝘁𝗹𝗲𝗱𝗴𝗲

𝟬𝟭𝟴, opening up to the stars

( CHAPTER EIGHTEEN )
OPENING UP TO THE STARS

✧

         EDEN HAD A HABIT OF SEEING THINGS always smaller than what they seem. It helped her to deal with her problems in some way. Thinking that it was almost nothing told her that no one needed to suffer—that she didn't need to suffer as much as she thought. But to tell the truth, she may have always seen them like that, but never felt them like that. Her mistakes defined who she was. She left John B when he confessed to her that he loved her, thinking she had settled things the right way, and she never bothered to go back because, well, she was worth nothing to him. She wasn't worth the girlfriend medal, the best friend medal suited her perfectly. There, she thought at that moment that even if she left him, it wasn't going to do anything to him. It wasn't anything huge. It was just one. . . Anyway, it was a fucking lie! She screwed up.

          She knows it now. She always knew in the big part of her heart that was reserved for John B. Which is still reserved for John Booker Routledge. It's still there, it's just mellowed out a little. It didn't become smaller because of the hatred she had for him for being with new girls other than Eden herself, but because she was right all along. When she first saw him on the beach, after their two week ago fight, with JJ and Pope, and then the new curly-haired girl, a pang of realization awoke within her. And the first thing she thought the second his eyes met hers between the people passing by was that she should have fought harder. Fighting against her stupid thoughts that she was just a mess for everyone. But when those are the exact words that come out of the mouth of the person who gave birth to you, you just believe them and do nothing.

          Eden was so obsessed with doing right by everyone, helping them however she could, exhausting all the petals of her flower. And now, only the center remained, she had nothing left to give. It was her turn to have the love she deserved, but no one seemed to be able to give it to her. Except maybe the sea.

          Finding herself in the same place where she and John B used to come when night fell. She watched the sun rise in the distance, reflecting its beautiful colors on the water which began to shine thanks to its powerful rays. Eden will never be able to fill herself with this view. The sounds of the waves crashing in front of her, the sun opening straight ahead and the little breeze crashing through her brown hair. It was as if her thoughts were communicating with the sea. No words came out, but yet she seemed so good. So welcome. As she stared at the colors in the distance, small tears came out of her humified eyes. A letter was placed in her hands, and it was enough to make her cry silently.

. . .I'm sorry, Cutie Pie. I'm trying my best to get back into your arms and Noah's. I'm very close to finding it, Big John and I are very close. I know it can't be very easy at home, I know about your differences with mom. But you know what to do when things go wrong, don't you? You just have to close your eyes, close them really hard until you see dots of color appear. It's good? Perfect. Now just breathe slowly.