Can Anybody Hear Me? (Complete)

Five Stages of Grief: Acceptance; Stage 5

I was sitting in the dark eating Rocky Road by myself. As usual I was moping, but on the bright side, I wasn't crying. I was just thinking about my life and in what ways could it be different. Jared came in the kitchen and flicked on the lights.

Jared: Is that my Rocky Road?

Erin: I needed it more than you. And I've been thinking about so much lately, and I don't think singing is best for me right now.

Jared: Why what's wrong?

Erin: Ever since I've been an artist, things have gone downhill. I've been singing professionally for 1 year and some change and all I have to show for it are cracks on my heart.

Jared: Yeah, and you have adoring fans, a large bank and account.

Erin: I don't want it. I would trade it all for my family, Rhyon, Ray, Chase, Christina, and even Adrian.

Jared: You know why you've lost so much? Because it wasn't supposed to be in your life anymore. As religious as you've become, you should know that God will remove the negative and give you an upgrade.

Erin: But I just don't understand it. It seems like I lost everything. I miss who I used to be.

Jared: You can't dwell in the past anymore. If you would've never lost Adrian, you would have had a friend willing to betray you. If your parents were still in your life, they probably would've killed more people, and you would've been put back in foster care. If Chase was still here, he probably would've died anyway because your parents wanted the money from Mario. If Rhyon was still here, you would've had to watch the person you love suffer. She was hurting. I knew it and so did you. She's in a better place now. I'm not saying forget her. I'm saying you should let her go. And as for Ray....

I sucked in a breath.

Jared: That boy is a long way from home to be with you and you're pushing him away.

Erin: I'm not pushing him away. We've come to an understanding that I need time and space to heal.

Jared: He loves you Erin. Don't let him slip away.

He took away our empty bowls and I sat there looking down. I really don't wanna lose Ray. He's such a good friend and the way he looks at me tells me he could be any even better boyfriend. I'm gonna go get him back, but not without a little healing advice.

Tina: Do you girls need anything?

Erin: Can I have a sandwich?

Tina: I'll make your favorite.

Her mom left the room and she smiled at me.

Christina: Still the same greedy girl I've known my whole life.

Erin: You know you want one.

Christina: I know, that's why she's making 4 of them.

I ended up at Christina's house so I can heal. We both lost somebody we love, so who better to talk to than her? I brought over boxes of our memories to help us out.

Christina: I never got a chance to tell you this, but I'm sorry for what happened to Rhyon. I know how it feels to lose your sibling.

Erin: Yeah, thanks. How did you get over what happened to Chase?

Christina: I never got over it. I'll always remember who he was to me and I'll never forget what happened to him. But I won't let his death be all he was. He wasn't just a murder victim, he was my brother. He was goofy, loud, obnoxious, annoying, he had stinky feet, and he was in love with your sister. What I'm saying is that you should remember the good things about Rhyon.

Erin: Yeah you're right. She wasn't just a suicidal person. She was funny, smart, pretty, she snored like a grown bear, and she loved your brother. That does make me feel better.

Christina: You're already getting the hang of it. And you'll never be completely be alone. I'll always be your sister.

Erin: Thanks Christina.

She gave me a hug and a few tears slipped out. They were tears of relief and happiness. I'm actually gonna be ok.

Christina: Now about those sandwiches.

We got up and left the room to go eat. I stayed the whole day and through most of the night talking about the tines with each other and our siblings.

The next day was part two of my healing. I got dressed up and I went to see her. I laid flowers down on her grave and talked to her.

Erin: Your body is here, but your love is in my heart. And I know that as long as you're in my heart, you'll never be completely gone. I can't keep crying over you, because it defeats the purpose of you leaving so I wouldn't be hurt over you. I'll never forget you, but I have to let go of the pain. I love you Rhyon Brown.

I dug a little hole by her and planted the flowers. I made another one and placed the friendship bracelet I made her inside. I played with the one on my wrist and walked away.

Jared: Are you ok?

I looked back at the grave and smiled. The sun shined brighter over her grave and my heart jumped.

Erin: I will be.

Jared: Good, because we have one more places to go before you can truly be healed.

I was at Def Jams studios. Jared wanted me to go in and sing today. I didn't want to be here, because I want sure if singing was best for me anymore. Also because when I needed the label to have my back, they wouldn't let me work.

Erin: We can save the time and leave.

Jared: No. I already bought the studio time, so don't waste it.

Erin: I'll pay you back. Can we just go?

Jared: Just answer this question: How many times have you played those songs over and over again?

Erin: What songs?

Jared: Those songs on your recently played playlist. You know you have something to say, so sing it.

Erin: I don't want to sing.

Jared: Well fine, just listen then.

Erin: Fine.

I went in the booth and put on the headphones. "See You Again" by Charlie Puth and Wiz Khalifa came on and I gasped. Not only did I love the song, it hit home for me. I tearfully sang along and then Jared put on the instrumental for me.

It was ass backwards of him to take me to her grave to move on and drag me here to cry over her. But in a weird way, I felt better about crying. It felt like it was the last time I was ever gonna cry over her.

Jared: You wanna go through these songs on your phone?

Erin: Yeah.

And this was the day I finally accepted who I was and who I am. My sister didn't die, because she lives in my heart. She went to Heaven. Denise and Anthony didn't hurt me entirely, because they gave me the best sister in the world  Ray didn't leave me, he's letting heal. Princeton didn't hurt me, he let go of a force to be reckoned with. I'm gonna really break his heart with this come back.

The longer I stayed in the booth, the more devious I became. I was, no, I will shake this off and let the world know I'm ok. I accept my future, because I heard its gonna be bright.