MLA's Daughter-in-law

June(17-19)

17 June 1999

Grandma was sick for the past few days and no one informed me about that. This morning Shrawan told me that the doctor referred her to the Jhunjhunu City Hospital.

She talked with me on the phone and her voice sounded so weak that I wanted to run to her. Her condition is not critical anymore. How can my family do this to me? They should have at least informed me, I should have gone to meet her. What if things got out of hand?

All of them know how close I am to her, yet they decided to not tell me anything. I talked with my mother a day before and she didn't even give me any hint, I asked her where grandma was and she so easily deceived me stating that she was in the neighborhood. However, in reality, she was sick and that night they had to admit her to the hospital.

I don't understand the reason behind their act, according to them they didn't want to disturb me. My grandma was the one who suggested not to inform me about anything... How could she do this to me? She is cruel.

Thank God! She is fine now, if something bad had happened to her I swear I would never have talked with anyone and I regretted this for the whole of my life. Parents are so difficult to understand, when we get sick, they turn the entire world just to make sure that their children and grandchildren are fine, on the other hand, they expect us to behave calmly even when they are admitted to the hospital or the deathbed.

This is so unfair, if I protest then I become a drama queen and if I react like nothing has happened it means that I simply don't care. I don't know the line that is in between overreaction and genuine care. The only thing that I know is that I love her and I can't afford to lose her.

She has indeed aged, and every time I visit her my heart sinks thinking what if this is the last time? I believe this is the saddest part of becoming an adult... One has to see his loved ones leaving, it's hard to accept but it is the biggest truth of this world. I don't think I can say anyone's final goodbye. I can't imagine and I don't even want to imagine my life without any of my family members.

Please God make sure that she recovers quickly, I promise that I will keep fast for a month.

Yours Vijaya

18 June 1999

By God's grace, Grandma was shifted to the general ward today, and I went to meet her. Shrawan took me there without me asking for it. Touchwood, my husband is so nice and understanding, I wanted to ask him to take me but he was swamped with work, that's why I didn't even ask. But still managed his time and took me there to meet her.

I tried to control my tears but when I saw her in a hospital gown tears started to shed from my eyes. On top of that after seeing me there my grandma also started to cry. That was so emotional, she loves me and that's the reason she told my parents to not tell anything to me.

She said if I had been there, she might not have been able to endure all that pain, she would have given up thinking that she met me and now she could say her final words. I don't know if she was telling the truth or making stories but it appears so genuine. What matters is that she is safe and sound and doctors said that they will discharge her tomorrow.

While my mother wanted me to go back, Shrawan wanted me to stay with my family as they were going through this hard time. In the end, I had to go with my mother's wish, though she said that I could come and stay at home with them for a few days if I wanted, but she would not allow me to stay in the hospital for a night or so.

Shrawan is so good with words that when I was in the car with a long face, he tried to bring a smile to my face and he easily did his job. When I was angry instead of telling me that I should be calm, he told me to get more angry. I don't know how but it works, all my anger just vanished in thin air.

Later he started flirting and I completely forgot what my mother told me. A smile appeared on my face and it was there for more than two hours because no one could stop his machine when it started. He is so talkative and a master of flirt. Sometimes I wonder if he had taken some extra classes for this. I bet he had enrolled himself somewhere otherwise no one could be this good.

I think I have lost my mind and right now I am writing weird things. I should stop and I have to fast tomorrow, I need to keep my promise.

Yours Vijaya

19 June 1999

Grandma can back to the house, but she is having a hard time adjusting to her routine life because of the IV that is on her hand. She is weak, she can't even stand on her own, my mother or someone else from the family always stays by her side. My mother told me the truth this time when I asked her. I will visit them tomorrow and Shrawan said that I should stay there for four or five days.

I might know the reason behind his generous act, he tried to make love but his plan flopped because I was fasting, and when I told him that we can't do this today. With a heavy heart, he let me go, I am such a mood breaker. Believe me, it was fun. Seeing your husband all tempted and he can do nothing, it's a rare thing and it is worth it.

Yours Vijaya