MLA's Daughter-in-law

July (6-9)

6 July 1999

As her body was given back, today her last rites were done by her family. I requested Shrawan to take me there but he refused saying that he didn't have time. Finally, when I had no option left, I decided to go there myself.

Of course, I told my mother-in-law before coming as no one else was at home. I was relieved that she didn't stop me but it was not for long.

No one was crying there, it was just a formality they had to do that's why they were doing it. I am astonished by their act. A girl has been killed and everyone is behaving as if it was a normal day in their life.

Oh! How could I forget that they were the ones who killed her? My blood boiled when I heard the conversation of some woman there, "She was pretty, she could have a beautiful life ahead and could have married a decent man from our community."

Another replied, "What was in that guy she could have better in our caste?"

It was too much for me, so I didn't stay there for long and came back home. On my way home, my eyes weren't dry for a single second. Just one thing was kept reporting in my mind, parents could be ruthless towards their children too. They could kill their children for the sake of their invisible pride.

In the night, Shrawan and I argued. He wasn't pleased with my decision to go there. I tried to explain but it appeared as if he wasn't interested in hearing me. After some time, I gave up and said that this would never happen in the future.

A smile emerged on his face and this was maybe the first time I felt skeptical with his smile.

Is it me who is overthinking or the situation is extremely grave?

Yours Vijaya

7 July 1999

Poonam's in-laws filed a report against my uncle and aunt. They, however, didn't support this marriage but the loss of their son was not something which they wanted to happen.

It must be difficult for them. I just kept thinking about Poonam and didn't even bother to think about that poor man. Police have taken my uncle in custody and I don't feel bad for him because he is getting what he deserves.

I want him to receive punishment and all other people who are accountable for this. This is not the first case but this is the first time when any guardian took steps against it.

My mind is filled with the sorrow of two deaths and everyone around me...
I don't want to repeat myself. Shrawan and I almost had another argument, I am hardly controlling myself. I am scared now what if I said something that is not good, which could strain our relationship? I need to control my tongue.

But it is too difficult to ignore the fact that they all killed her, everyone around me is a killer. Now I am wondering why am I not like them, why God didn't make me heartless.

What pains me most is that my parents also did the same thing, if I chose the same path as Poonam. Not just them, Shrawan would also do the same thing if our children follow in the same footsteps in the future.

I am tired of observing everyone, whoever is connected to this murder. I am tired of seeing them enjoying their life. I badly want them to pay for their deeds, I care less whether that culprit is my father or husband. What is wrong is wrong and we can't deny it no matter what explanation one gives.

I promise that I will testify the moment one asks me to. Right now, I think that the best thing is to collect evidence. I don't know how I will find it, but I will do my best.

Yours Vijaya

9 July 1999

Now I have no faith in humanity, nothing like this exists in this world. Nothing like love exists in this world as well. Neither the parents feel affection toward their children and not anyone else. One is forced to follow a particular path, and as long as one is following it, he/she would be considered a family member and the moment one decides to follow a different league then that person is done for.

I believed that justice would be served since the guy's parents were intertwined, but they backed when they were offered money. So, the case is completely shut now and there is no hope that Poonam will ever get justice. I feel bad saying that now my only hope is God, if God exists then each culprit should be punished.

Sometimes I feel that when people say that both heaven and hell exist on earth only, meanwhile, I notice the people who are doing wrong are living the most luxurious and comfortable life whereas, those who are careful about not hurting anyone are getting punished without any reason, my believe gets firmer that it is not true.

I don't know whether the concept is right or wrong, but as people are selfish, they don't hesitate to hurt anyone either physically or emotionally. I want these types of people to really feel something like hell. So that in the future they don't hurt anyone else.

Everyone around me said that I was looking sad these days, even my mother said this hearing my voice. Are they concerned about me?

Honestly, I don't think so, if they cared they should have already known the reason. What can I expect from anyone else when my mother tells me about what is happening to my uncle and aunt in such a tone as if they are the one who gets hurt?

Today I got frustrated and almost shouted at her, I barely controlled myself because I was aware if I didn't,  what was coming next for me. "I haven't raised you like this, you need to be graceful Vijaya. You are the daughter-in-law of this household."

It's painful...

Yours Vijaya