chapter 16

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tw: descriptions of anxiety and panic attacks

josephine lee

Dad, Theo, and I are flying to Florida for the All-Star Weekend in an hour. Dad begged us to be on the plane at least 30 minutes before take-off which is why I'm currently stressing to get my Uber at my house. "Come on, come on, come on." I plead, tracking his car as he turns down a street closer to my house. 

I wheel my luggage out past the gate closing my house off and wait outside by the curb. "Josie? Oh good Josie!" An incredibly familiar voice says, along with the sound of a car door slamming. I turn my head over my shoulder and see my ex-boyfriend running over to me. His curly hair is messed up, his eyes look tired, and it looks like he hasn't shaved in a few weeks. 

"Brendan, I'm kind of in a hurry." I say, wishing for my Uber to appear out of thin air. He holds his hands out, almost like he's expecting me to run into them. "I'll be fast then." He promises, looking down at my suitcase and airplane outfit. "Are you running off with him? With the hockey guy? Whatever the fuck his name is, are you seriously leaving with him?" He yells at me, holding onto my arm tightly. 

I fight his grip as his nails dig into my bicep while checking the location of my Uber. "I am not running away with him. Are you serious? Let go of me!" I yell back, wanting to no longer feel his hand on me. If anything his grip tightens, but fortunately my Uber pulls right in front of me. The man gets out of the driver's seat and yells something at Brendan. 

Due to the pounding of my heart, I can't hear a thing they say to one another. All I know is that when I no longer feel Brendan's nails digging into me I put my suitcase in the trunk of the car and hop into the backseat. "This isn't over." My ex-boyfriend points a finger at me before storming off. I put my seatbelt on just wanting to get as away from him as far as I possibly can.

My driver gets back in his seat and asks me a few times if I'm okay. "Yes, yes, I'm fine. Let's just leave." I say, jerking my chin up at the road in front of us. He nods his head with a sorry look in his eye and makes the fifteen-minute drive to my private plane. 

When we get closer to where he'll be dropping me off I grab a few twenty-dollar bills and hand them to him as a thank you for stepping out of the car and helping me. He takes the money, looking like he truly appreciates it. I get out of the car with my suitcase and load it onto the plane. "Dad? Theo?" I call out, looking for them. 

"Dad is late." Theo says, slouching in one of the chairs. Pretty amusing that the guy begging us to be on time is late. I laugh and sit right in front of my brother, mimicking how he's sitting in his chair. "So are you and Jack going to pretend you don't know each other this weekend?" Theo asks, wanting to be in the loop about whatever is going on. 

It's too confusing to put into actual words or a title. "Most likely since I'm pretty sure his friends and Dad don't know, and we want to keep whatever is going on under wraps until we can figure out what's going on." I explain to him, wanting him to understand what's going on. 

"Right, "we want to keep things under wraps," are you sure that's not just you?" Theo snaps at me a bit. Once he starts he doesn't stop lecturing me about how I need to figure out my own feelings before I drag Jack deeper into it. I sit in my seat, stunned over how Theo spoke to me. I simply nod to silently tell him that I understand and don't think to open my mouth again for the rest of the flight. 

I pop my fingers, picking at my cuticles until my thumb starts bleeding a bit. "You guys ready for this weekend?" Dad says with excitement lacing his voice. I get up to hug him and feel his lips on the side of my head. Theo gets up to do the same while he tells our Dad just how excited he is to spend this weekend with us.

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