First Down

35. Jaelyn Brentwood

It'd been three weeks since Adrian witnessed the catastrophe of my mother and I, we had yet to talk about it thanks to another holiday break, and me not wanting to talk about it soon after it happened. He laid in his bed scrolling on his phone as I sat at the foot of it, facing him. He looked over at me, "what's on your mind?" He asked as I played with the hem of my shirt. "You want to talk about what happened with my mom?" I asked as I looked at him.

He locked his phone as he sat up, his full focus on me. "I feel like I owe you some context to our relationship." I finished. "You don't owe me anything Jae, but I would appreciate the backstory but only if you're comfortable."

I let out a deep sigh, "well, my mother and I had a decent relationship at one point but at the same time it always felt forced, like she was only doing it because she had to. I don't know if that makes sense?" Adrian nodded, "like simply because she had to do the duties of a parent?" I nodded, "yeah, like she didn't want me but I was here now so she had to." I shook my head, "anyways, it was never like that with my daddy. I knew he wanted me, loved me, nothing felt forced so of course I latched on to him more. As I got older I found out she didn't want kids, but got pregnant with me and my daddy was so excited. Of course when they told me this story it was all smiles, but I lowkey feel like she really didn't want me but wanted my father and to keep him happy so she had me and after that last comment she made to me, I definitely feel like that's the case."

Adrian's eye brows were wrinkled in, a hint of sadness and anger on his face. I didn't want the pity or for him to feel bad for me. "Damn baby." He let out as I continued, not allowing him to comment anything further. I sighed, "and of course, as you know, after my father died it's been downhill even more. Our relationship really started to deteriorate once I got to high school. We didn't see eye to eye but I thought it was like normal teenage girl issues, like you're going to disagree with your mother, ya know?" He nodded in understanding, "but the shit just never seemed to get back to a good place, it was like she had an issue with everything I did so I just started going and talking to my daddy only. I was already a daddy's girl, it got to the point where her and I barely talked. My dad wasn't for that shit, and would always make me go to her, but it was always an argument with us."

"I remember hearing them argue about me sometimes, but it was like all of a sudden she hated me and I thought after daddy died we could truly try to work on our relationship, but she's pushed me away even more. I know I was dead ass wrong to say my father was more of a parent to me than she was, because she definitely did her part but she just makes me so mad Adrian, I feel like she thinks she can talk to me anyway and I'm just supposed to take it but I'm not built like that. If she didn't want me she never should have had me and truth be told I feel like she was jealous of me and my dad's relationship. Which is weird as fuck."

Adrian shook his head, "I hate this shit for you baby." He let out, "I hate that y'all relationship is only getting worse, because I feel like right now you two could really benefit from having one another." He spoke honestly, "I don't know what it feels like to hear one of your parents didn't want you, or for them to make you realize it still reigns true, but I'm happy you're here, and I hate that she doesn't realize the value you bring."

I shrugged as I sighed, "it is what it is. I wish our relationship could be better, but I'm the child."  I pointed to myself, "I don't feel like I should be the one pushing and fighting for that shit. I hit her up, I go by and check on her and it's this energy, granted this time was worse because she as you saw she told me this shit was dead and just to stop trying." I felt myself getting emotional, I wanted to have a good relationship with my mother. She was the only parent I had left, and right now it was hitting that I really didn't have any parents left, she was washing her hands with me.

Adrian leaned up as he reached out for me, I shook my head no as I brought my hands to my face, quickly wiping my eyes not wanting to cry. Adrian and I had been dating for less than two months and here we were hitting deep shit like my issues with my mother. "I'm sorry, this is a lot and I apologize for you having to be a part of it." I voiced. He moved towards me, pulling me into him. "Don't apologize for that shit, I want to know everything about you. The good, the bad, the ugly. This is apart of you Jae, this is shit you dealing with, and you don't have to do that shit alone. You got me Jae, I got you." He let out as he forced me to look at him. "You hear me? I got you." I nodded.