Soulmates | Phan AU |

Seven; What If

I feel that, the song I chose fits perfectly with this chapter, especially when Dan talks about Phil. 

Seven: What If 

Dan;

Thinking back to when I had first found out about the system of soulmates, I was so excited about the whole concept. I could find someone whom I would spend my life with and we would love each other similarly, just like my mum and dad did and not end up heartbroken like in all those old films. At that time I was only six and I was naïve - of course what six year old wouldn't be? - and my mind wandered at all the things me and my soulmate would do. We would travel the world, get married, have kids and spend the rest of our lives growing old together. 

Oblivious my mother never explained the complications of the system, I never understood the reason behind the system but at that time I didn't care. 

It turns out that people can be doubled up, have two soulmates, just like me and Phil but there was no way in getting re-assigned. We had to deal with it. We weren't the only ones for this to happen to, I remember two years ago the same thing happened to a couple, a man and a woman and the woman ended up without a lover as the man had to be with the name scared onto his wrist. 

I didn't know what to do, was I going to end up lonely like that woman? Would I have to deal with Phil, my soulmate, in the arms of another for the rest of my life?

If I did I hoped to be ran over by a truck next time I walked the streets; it would be less painful than the reality. 

My head had begun to hurt so I told my mum I was going to go to bed, despite it only being half past seven in the evening. An early night would do me good, well that is if my thoughts allow me to drift into a peaceful slumber. What didn't help with my headache was the fact that Phil was out on his date with his soulmate.

That should be me. 

Sighing, I lay down on my bed, my hands laced together behind my head. I closed my eyes and imagined what the world was like many years ago, before this stupid system, when people could be together freely and weren't assigned to people. Were you could fall in love a ridiculous amount of times and where you could happy and not worry about cock ups like this. 

Would me and Phil be together if we lived in that time?

What if... What if... What if...

My life had become one big what if. These thoughts just wouldn't stop plaguing my mind. I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if me and Phil were together, if he actually liked me back and we went against the government, to be together. 

But that wouldn't happen. 

I would probably end up like that woman; all alone. Nothing but vodka to keep me company as I lived in a shitty one bedroomed apartment with maybe a few cats, where I would live for a few years before I drink myself to death. 

Phil would be happy with his soulmate and I would have to be happy for him. I wondered if he would ever speak to me when he found out the truth. 

Probably not and I wouldn't blame him. 

Suddenly, there was a knock at my door. The door opened slowly and my mum peeked in, a small smile on her face. 

"Sorry to disturb you, Dan. I know you aren't feeling so good..." She trailed off and looked over her shoulder to look at someone. I frowned. Who was here? "It's just you have a visitor and he looks pretty upset."

She must have seen my confusion despite the darkness of the room. The only light source was the fairy lights that I had wrapped around the headboard of my bed. She then mouthed who the person was. 

It was Phil. 

"Oh." I was surprised, I didn't think he would be back from his date so early. "Let him in."

I didn't know what to expect. My mum had mentioned that he was upset but I didn't expect him to be this upset. His tears had seemed to had dried but you could see how puffy his eyes were and he was hiccuping for breath. He looked so fragile, like he was going to break down again any second. 

Anger boiled in me, how can anyone hurt Phil? 

I wanted to rip his soulmate's head off. But I know Phil wouldn't like that, he still liked to treat people with kindness even if they are a complete twat.

"Phil? What's wrong?" 

My mum had left once Phil had entered the room and now we were alone. I felt sick, I didn't know what to do, I was always a terrible person at comforting people - I'm too socially awkward for it all. 

I had patted the edge of my bed, silently asking Phil to sit next to me. He did but he refused to look directly at me. I frowned at that. What the hell had happened? 

Phil's hands had started to shake, his knee was bouncing out of control; something he did when he tried to stop himself from crying. I grabbed his chin between my thumb and index finger and turned his chin to look at me. He was chewing on his lips and tears began to build up in his eyes. 

I felt heartbroken. 

"Ryan. Ryan is what happened."

"Ryan?" I asked. "Who is Ryan?"

"My soulmate."

"What did he do?" 

Phil looked down for a second, his lip still caught in between his teeth as if he was debating something in his head. "He- He's just a dick."

"I don't like him." He said, more to himself than me. "Whatever, I don't want to talk about him."

"Okay." I nodded, secretly agreeing - I didn't want to talk about Ryan either.

There was a silence between us, Phil's hands had stopped shaking and I put it down to me holding his hands tightly in mine but maybe that was me being hopeful. 

"Hey Dan?" 

"Yeah?"

"Your soulmate is Louise, right?" 

My heartbeat had noticeably sped up, I felt sick. My hands had started to sweat and I wondered if Phil noticed too. What was he getting at here? 

"Right." I repeated. "Yeah."

It was silent for a few seconds but those seconds felt like hours; the suspense was killing me. 

"Then how come you have my name on your wrist?" It honestly felt as though my heart had fell out of my chest and down into my stomach, I couldn't breathe and I couldn't think clearly. 

He found out the truth, he hated me.

I was in deep, deep shit. 

The idea of myself, vodka and a few cats was seemingly me more likely. I better start saving up for that apartment, I suppose. 

"I-I, Uh, I don't..." I was stumbling over my words, I did not know what to say. I was like a deer caught in the headlights. 

And then those what ifs came true. 

He kissed me. 

And I kissed back. 

X

So the truth is out, and they kissed. 

Is that what you guys expected? 

But Phan won't be together just yet and Ryan will return so you will have to wait a while for the happy couple, k?

A bit of backstory, the next chapter will be a backstory (kind of) of Phil's family which I will post in a few days. Probably Tuesday or Wednesday. 

This was longer than expected, hope you all enjoyed it though!