Girl You Fucked Before (18+)

Would It Be Weird If I Gave You A Hug?

Vanessa

Goodbye Times Square. So long Empire State Building. See you never Central Park.

I flung items of clothing into my duffel bag, not caring if they were folded or mixed in with my toiletries. I was just thrilled to be getting the hell out of Manhattan.

From behind, Quin approached me, cupping her hands on my shoulders. "I'm going to miss you, Vanessa. I wish we had bonded a bit more and explored the city-"

Yea, yea. Farewell, Quinn. "Next year," I replied with confidence, knowing full well that the only thing I was certain about was that I would not be returning in the fall. Exhaling loudly, I tugged the zipper on my luggage closed before planting a peck on my roommate's cheek. "I have to run, Quinn. My mom's waiting for me."

She could barely muster her goodbye before I was already half-way out the door. Au Revoir NYU.

***

I fiddled with the drawstring of the sweatshirt I had smuggled from Matt as I stood there nervously on his doorstep, psyching myself up to ring the bell. It probably wasn't the best item of clothing to wear when facing an ex-boyfriend for the first time after being told to get lost, but seeing as how most of my wardrobe consisted of his clothing, what choice did I really have?

I wasn't sure what to expect by showing up, but I knew what I wanted. New York was behind me, my past and he was my future. I just hoped that he would see it that way too.

The sun had barely just come up over the horizon, tinging the sky with streaks of pale pink and the grass was still wet with dew when I had given up on sleep and decided to pay him a visit. Then finally, taking a deep breath, I pressed the bell.

Shifting from foot to foot, I strained to listen for sounds of movement in the house. But all remained still. When nobody answered the door, I figured that Matt was still passed out asleep. Images of his hair sticking up wildly and his face pressed against a pillow wet with drool made me grin. I turned to leave when the door slowly creaked open, revealing him on the other side.

He rubbed at his eyes, his clothes rumpled from having been slept in and his hair mussed. My stomach knotted at the sheer adorableness of him.

"Vanessa...you're back."

I opened my mouth to reply when an ear-piercing shriek from inside the house nearly shattered my eardrum. "She's here?!" Addison cried, flinging back the door. She barreled towards me, throwing her arms around my neck, and causing me to almost tumble off the front stoop. "Bestie!" She cried. "I've missed you so freaking much!"

I hugged her back, but my gaze never left Matt. What is she doing here was the unspoken question I channeled his way. It was obvious that she had spent the night if judging only by the fact that Addison was always dead to the world right up until the stroke of noon.

I cleared my throat. What's going on here?

Matt and my so-called best friend exchanged a glance. "V," Addison rushed out, her cheeks flushed. "It's not what you think. Matt and I fell asleep watching a movie. That's all. He made me suffer through one where everyone wore these weird capes and had square heads. It was terribly boring-"

Matt shoved past her to step out on the front step. "Not to mention, I do have standards. If I were looking for a one-night stand, it wouldn't be with the world's most reflective particle." He stopped in front of me, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth, his expression softening.

"Would it be weird if I gave you a hug?" He inquired.

"Of course not." I immediately enclosed myself within the confines of his arms, breathing in his familiar scent. Butterflies fluttered around my stomach as he stroked my back. I'm finally home.

"Alright, well quit hogging her," Addison broke in, yanking me off him. "You had your turn to snuggle and cuddle when you two were dating. You don't get to still possess the luxury of greediness now that you're broken up."

She wrapped one arm around my shoulder, guiding me into the house as I glared at her. Does she always need to highlight an awkward situation? "Thanks, Addie," I mumbled sarcastically.

"You're welcome. I'm happy to have saved you. I wouldn't have wanted to hug him either, but I get why you didn't say, 'no.' Manners and all that blah, blah, blah."

Matt cleared his throat. "So, I assume since you're at my house, it was me that you were hoping to see and not..." He paused to nod his head in my direction.

Smirking, I shifted my gaze from him to Addison who rolled her eyes. "Fine, I can take a hint." She pointed at me. "I tried to rescue you, V. Don't ever say during my eulogy that I didn't. Actually, could you have that engraved on my tombstone?" She spread her arms in front of her face, staring through us. "Here lies, Addison Styles. Hero to all."

I raised my brows, giving her an expectant look. "Alright, I'm going," she said, slipping back into the house.

Chuckling, Matt plopped down on the stoop, patting the cement beside him. "So, what's up?" He questioned me as I joined him.

Perspiration began making my palms slick and I had to take a deep breath to steady my quaking nerves. I want you back. Let's run away to Vegas and get married. "Do you ever feel as though we got cheated out of spending last summer together? By the time we actually began dating, college was only a few weeks away."

He stared out at the road as a garbage truck ambled its way down the street, it's beeping disturbing the early morning silence. "You know I do," he softly replied.

I wiped my hands on my jeans, the hammering of my heart rivaling the squeaking brakes of the trash vehicle. Speak, Vanessa. You used to be able to tell him anything. I glanced over at him, and he raised a brow. I had once known him deeply, memorizing every freckle on his skin and the sensation of his kiss on my lips. But now it seemed as though he were a stranger and instead of caressing my tongue with his, he had only left it tied. "Matt, I don't want to waste another summer apart," I blurted out.

He nodded. "So, what you're saying is...?"

I nudged at a stone with the tip of my Converse. "I still want to be with you. Even if it's just for the next two months."

He didn't respond for a long while, his gaze staring off at the tree line across the street as the squirrels awoke for their breakfast. I was beginning to suspect that he was just going to ignore my statement when he opened his mouth to let out a sigh. He glanced over at me. "How about we don't make any decisions right now and just see where things lead?"

"Oh." It wasn't raging enthusiasm, but it wasn't a laugh out of town either. "I need more specifics on how this is going to work. What if...I wanted to kiss you?" I murmured.

He nudged my knee with his. "Is that what you want to do now?" He teased.

I shrugged.

He patted my thigh, giving it a small squeeze. "How about we play it by ear? If the moment feels right, then we will just do what comes naturally. Does that sound like a plan to you?"

Instead of clarification, I had only received more confusion. What if he doesn't deem the moment as right but I do? Will I just run the risk of rejection all over again? "I guess so," I answered.

Chuckling, he wrapped an arm around me. "Hey, don't look so glum. It doesn't have to be complicated. All I'm saying, is let's hold off on immediately determining our future. We've got plenty of time to figure it all out."

He gave me a wide grin. "Come out with me for a movie tonight. Addison's been subjecting me to pure trash lately that's a complete mockery of the film industry. I've been dying to watch something decent."

Disappointment still unfurled its roots in my brain over his lack of jumping up and down with joy at the idea of getting back together but I supposed the invitation was better than nothing. Even if he wasn't accepting me as his girlfriend again, I still came to see him with the intention of getting him to agree to spend the summer together and technically, hadn't I gotten exactly just that?