Something and 𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖞𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖌

𝓢1: 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 13

Her POV

I learnt from some of Horsey's friends that their placements will be conducted in the month of March and their exams of Semester 6 will take place in the month of April. I was literally count downing the months after which I will not see him ever again. Sitting with Horsey or being around him only increased my feelings for him. I could have stopped being friends with him but it was an inner battle where I was proving myself that being friends with someone you like can be normal, but the truth was it was badly affecting my emotional and mental state. It was also a battle I couldn't lose with myself.

It was the end of February and in March, Horsey will be busy with his placements and in April he will be busy with his exams, so we all decided to visit Chowpatty which is also closer to our college. Since beaches were my favorites, I said yes instantly and he responded in a similar manner. As soon as we arrived at the beach, all of us went into the water. We were all splashing water on each other and we took tons of photos with everyone and some individuals photos also. After all the fun, we all settled down and we were all just talking about our future, where I told the group that I have two career paths in front of me 1 is Criminal Psychology and other is Child Psychologist.

All my friends also shared their interests into different branches of psychology like Industrial, Adult mental health, psychiatrist, behavioral and family, then we looked at Horsey's group and they all had different hobbies like journalism, content writing, celebrity management, acting, singing, theatre, etc. I stared at Horsey, so he told us he will be the best event manager India has seen. I smiled at his thoughts and his passion because I could see that he would be the best.

After all the serious conversations, all our friends went to order food and I told Aastha to order pav bhaji for Horsey and me. I also requested some privacy since I knew this is the last time I am seeing him. He then rested his head on my shoulders, I asked him "Kya hua future se darr rahe ho?" "Nahi, yeh sab waapis experience nahi kar pauga iska dukh hai." I felt sad for him because in a year I will be in his position. I told him, "Aapke friends rahege yahi par, aap unse mil sakte ho, koi dur bhaag nahi raha." "Haa but ab kisike paas time nahi rahega na." I asked him, "Haa aapse ek baat kahu?" He lifted his head from my shoulders and looked me in the eyes "Bolo" I then continued "I came to you with a crush, then I acted as if I had no feelings for you but that's not the truth. I fell in love with you as the time went and your moods affected me, your smile made me smile, your behavior, your likes and dislikes were everything that I started noticing and I fell harder. I know you don't feel the same and I am not forcing anything on you, you are leaving soon, so I am here to tell you a goodbye and all the best. I will not burden you, I liked you and I have convinced myself that this is really the end for us." After saying all this, I looked up to find his piercing gaze on me like whatever I told him was all wrong and he couldn't understand what I was telling him. So I did the only thing I could think of, I pulled him and kissed him on his lips. For a second he didn't respond to my kiss but then he kissed me back, it was like he was afraid that if he let go of me I would run away and never come back.

("Are you scared of your future?" "No, it's just that I won't be able to experience all this again." "Your friends will be with you, they are not going to run away." "Yes that's true but no one will ?"have time to meet like this." "Should I tell you one thing.")

His fear was true because I will run away the moment he lets go of me. After a whole minute, he left me and I whispered a "Goodbye" against his lips and ran towards the area my friends were in. He followed me and the whole time during eating I avoided his gaze as much as I could and we all left the place to return home.

Once I reached home, I went into my room and burst into tears because I said goodbye to my crush or love whatever it was and we kissed but it was not meant to be. I cried a lot and decided never to fall in love ever again. That night I wrote a poem for the first time and it was for him,

Little Horse,

I say that you are out of my system and my heart, but then why are you residing inside my brain?

I say that you are out of my life and I am out of feelings for you, but then why am I still feeling for you?

You are out of my life and you never showed any interest in me, so why am I dreaming of you?
I am dreaming versions of you and unknown to reality, I feel the one I dream about is the real you.

I don't want you, I don't want to dream about you, I don't want to feel things for you and I have given up on you, but then why does it feel that none of it is true?

- Love AK.

I decided to sleep that night, dreaming about him again. My final year was hard on me because I could never really forget him but we had broken off all the contacts after the beach. After our goodbye I have stopped going to the beach because it reminded me of him. I had chosen my career path and I had to focus on my career and forget all about him. My friends helped me a lot during my heartbroken phase, I used to mope around a lot. But they were also placed in their desired field, and I finally became a child psychologist. I am an intern now but I will soon become a professional in the field. 

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