Fluffy Boys: Kralsei Fanfic

Experiment 35.

KRIS POV

"HUMANS, YOU SHALL NOT PASS THIS AREA!" Papyrus blocks our way.
I look at the other hoomans.
"Do you wanna..." I say pointing at the act button.
"Okay. I'm down."
"Well, Papyrus's never got hit by a-" Frisk starts.
"C'mon, it'll be fun. You scared?"
"I'm older than you, dumbass."
"But you're shorter than me."
Outplayed.
"THAT'S JUST THE REALITY SHIFTING-"
"Nah, kid, they're actually just like 5 foot 3 or something in our world. Frisk, don't lie to them, ok?"
"Ok, fine, we'll do it."
"DO WHAT?"
*X-Flirt
"KRIS??????"
"WHAT THE HELL KRIS"
"Um...that...was unexpected..."
*All your friends are shocked at what you did...worth it.
"NO, NOT THE KIDS I CAN FEEL THE COOL ENERGY RISING"
"Oh, uh, forgot about that...uh, Kris, you gotta have a date with that thing."
"THAT THING IS CALLED PAPYRUS!"
"Ugh...really?"
"Nah, don't sweat it, he's not interested."
"...I think he's about to fornicate and it ain't gonna be me-Ralsei, what are you doing?"

"He's trying to f##k Kris. Nobody f##ks Kris."
"Holy shit he said fuck"
*grabs gun*
"WOAH RALSEI SINCE WHEN DID YOU OWN A BANG BANG-"
"You see, it puts them into sleep mode! Forever!"
TAKE TWO IS SPONSERED BY ME TOTALLY NOT DRAGGING PAPYRUS'S HEAD ALL THE WAY TO HOTLAND, GET HIS BODY BACK AND THEN DRAG HIM BACK TO SNOWDIN only to realize THAT I CAN FUCKING TELEPORT

"Lemme show you."
DATING START!
"Let's start with the tall human!"
"Oh fuck no-"
"I'VE...NEVER ACTUALLY DONE THIS BEFORE. BUT YOU CAN'T SPELL PREPARED WITHOUT SEVERAL LETTERS FROM MY NAME!"
Papyrus takes out a thick book...entirely about dating...and snails.
"I SNAGGED AN OFICIAL DATING RULE BOOK FROM THE LIBRARBY!"
"There's no rul-"
"WE'RE READY TO HAVE A GREAT TIME!"
Papyrus flips through th epages.
"HMM...PRESS C ON YOUR DATING PAD."
Random symbols come up...like...an egg?"
"WOWIE!!! I FEEL SO INFORMED! I THINK WE'RE READY FOR STEP TWO! STEP TWO...ASK THEM ON A DATE. AHEM! HUMAN! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL GO ON A DATE WITH YOU!"
*Your friends are skeptical of what's happening. Frisk encourages you to say yes.
"Uh...ok, I guess."
"REALLY? WOWIE! I GUESS THAT MEANS IT'S TIME FOR PART THREE! STEP THREE...PUT ON NICE CLOTHES TO SHOW YOU CARE! ...WAIT A SECOND. WEAR CLOTHING...THAT BANDANNA AROUND YOUR HEAD..."
"Hey wait what I never bought a bandan-"
Frisk laughs as Chara tells me.
"Put them on while you weren't looking, dumbass."
"HEY! YOU DON'T CALL MY [Hyperlink Blocked]FRIEND A LAZY BONES! SANS IS RIGHT THERE FOR YOU TO INSULT!"
"Heya."
"YOU'RE WEARING CLOTHES RIGHT NOW!"
"It would be better if I wasn't wearing clothes HEYYYYYY~"

"Umm...Kris, please don't make jokes about that..."
"Wh-oh, sorry, Ralsei, I didn't mean to-"
Ralsei do be thinking some uh
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

"NOT ONLY THAT...EARLIER TODAY, YOU WERE ALSO WEARING CLOTHING!"
"Again I didn't want to freeze to death-"
"NO, COULD IT BE? YOU'VE WANTED TO DATE ME FROM THE VERY BEGINNING?"
"I think it's the other-"
Frisk stares at you.
"I uh mean yeah totally"
"NO! YOU PLANNED IT ALL! YOU'RE WAY BETTER AT DATING THAN I AM!"
"To be fair..."
Ralsei blushes as Susie and Noelle realize I've been playing matchmaker the WHOLE FUCKING TIME WHILE IN SPECTATOR
"NOOOO! YOUR DATING POWER!!"

YOU FOOL! MY DATING POWER IS OVER 9000

"NYEH HEH HEH! DON'T THINK YOU'VE BESTED ME YET! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE NEVER BEEN BEATEN AT DATING ADN I NEVER WILL!"
"Didn't you say that this is your first da-"
"OH, SHUT UP, YOU MORON. ANYWAYS, I CAN EASILY KEEP UP WITH YOU! YOU SEE, I, TOO, CAN WEAR CLOTHING! IN FACT...I ALWAYS WEAR MY SPECIAL CLOTHES UNDERNEATH MY REGULAR CLOTHES!"

"Oh fuck he's gonna show me his p-"
Chara laughs.
"Nah, you'll get used to it."
"WAIT WHA-"
"Kidding. He'll just have his cool dude shirt."
"Okay. Everything's fine. Just gotta have a date with hi-of course you have spaghetti under your hat."
"EAT IT."
"Uhh, I'm actually allergic to pine cones-"
"EAT IT!"
"Uhh how about no-"
"OH NO WAY BY REFUSING TO EAT IT BECAUSE OF 50 HEALTH CODE VIOLATIONS YOU SAVED SOME SPAGHETTI FOR ME! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"
A flashing light comes from Papyrus.
"HUMAN. IT'S CLEAR NOW. YOU'RE MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME."
"UH NO-"
"EVERYTHING YOU DO. EVERYTHING YOU SAY. IT'S ALL BEEN FOR MY SAKE. HUMAN. I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY, TOO. IT'S TIME FOR ME TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS. IT'S TIME THAT I TOLD YOU. I, PAPYRUS...I...UM...BOY, IS IT HOT IN HERE, OR IS IT JUST ME?...OH, SHOOT. HUMAN, I...I'M SORRY. I DON'T LIKE YOU THE WAY YOU LIKE ME. ROMANTICALLY, I MEAN. I MEAN, I TRIED VERY HARD!"
"I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S THE OPPOSITE C'MON RALSEI LET'S GET OUT OF HERE-"
"BYE BYE! DON'T BREAK YOUR NECK!"
"Well...that...was different than usual." Frisk seems bewildered.

"Well, I didn't want to kill him, but he was kinda annoying."
"Kid, don't worry. Just, er, here, don't show your face."
"Wh-"
"N(Toriel blocks the 9th letter of the alphabet capitalized I'm sorry to make the joke but I don't know how to pronounce it is it like nyah or like gahhh)GAHHHH!"
"uh, that's why."

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837 words

Suggestions are taken so that when the next chapter's released I'll use your suggestion (if it can be fit into the plot or smth)

So uh remember a chapter ago when ralsei said that Kris isn't going to rip out their soul again?
Yeah uh remember when I totally promised him
yeah uh i lied