Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Dream of Me, Every Now & Then

"I'm sorry Billie,...I'm sorry," I murmur while tossing and turning, feeling my temperature spike through the roof. "I'm so sorry."

"Sweetie wake up! It's nearly noon, you've been sleeping for a long time now!"

My head feels heavier than a bowl of concrete and I try to figure things out. Where's that voice coming from? It sounds like my mom...

Oh my Lord...

I quickly flicked open my eyes and sat up. I was at home. I was in my bed. I was in my room filled with over ten different posters, sweating and shivering at the same time.

"Sweetie? You awake?" She continues to pound on the wall.

"Please stop banging on the damn wall!" I scream with all the energy I have left. I hold on to my head to help ease the pain but nothing is helping.

What the fuck happened last night? How did I get home? This wasn't something I usually felt comfortable confronting my parents about, but I needed to know how I got home. For the sake of my own safety.

I fumbled out of my bed and dragged myself carefully down the stairs.

"Good morning sleeping beauty! Or should I say good afternoon?" She greets cheerfully.

I lazily stumbled into the kitchen and made myself a huge cup of coffee. I must have had a hangover. How the fuck did I get home? Did I like party with Billie or something?

Billie.

What happened to him? Is he okay? Did he find his family?

All of the sudden I realized my pain couldn't stop me from trying to figure things out.

"Mom, how long was I out last night? What time did I get home?"

"Sweetie, you went to bed really early last night. You were tired from work, remember? You passed out by 8:30. You slept for 16 hours..."

I stopped in my tracks.

"Uhh, no mom. I went to Boston with Jasmine and Sadie yesterday."

"Are you okay hun? You went to Boston with the girls last weekend."

And for that moment, my whole world seemed to have stopped. I remembered each thing about yesterday in Boston. I remember the train ride from the harbor to the shopping to the street acts, all the way down to Billie Joe and I crying on a deserted street.

Or did I? Was I just remembering details from last weekend's trip and then added in some extra detail for the dream. It sure did feel surreal. But...it was the most realistic thing ever. I swear I met him. It was the most intimate confrontation with a person in a "Dream" I've ever had. We both were going insane in it. It couldn't have been a dream. Please tell me it wasn't.

"No mom, please tell me you're just joking with me. I was in Boston yesterday, please. I remember," I beg my mom to go along with me, but she isn't taking it.

"You're scaring me dear, do you need to go to the hospital?"

"No..." I let out a fake laugh. "Haha, no, I'm okay," I quickly finish making my coffee and run upstairs to my room.

I pull out my phone and scroll through everything. It's all here. My contacts and all that shit. I look through my messages and realize the last text I had sent Jas was 'when are we going to go to the beach?'. The last text I had sent Sadie was 'and dat ass doe.'

This wasn't making any sense. It was so real. I've had dreams before where I was confused with what was real and what wasn't, but this took things to a whole new level.

And most of all, I just really wanted to talk to Billie Joe. Nothing would make me feel better than just hearing his voice promise me everything is okay. My mind was trying to get me to succumb to the fact that I dreamed all of Boston and Billie Joe, but my heart was still keeping in the game. My heart was almost speaking to me, as if it was telling me to believe what I saw. As if that one strand of connection I had with Billie hadn't left and he was begging me to stay strong. I just have to stay strong...

* * *

"I'm telling you guys, this was the realest shit I have ever gone through in my fucking life."

Jasmine just flipped her thick weave behind her face and tried not to smile. Sadie looked hardly interested. I took a huge gulp of my fourth coffee for the day. I needed something, anything, to keep me awake. Or to at least remind me, that this was in fact, reality.

"I don't know Lay," Jas replied while twirling her hair a little bit. "I get that it was a dream, but it almost sounds like you're trying to convince us that it really happened."

"I don't want to convince you of anything, Jas! I just want someone to understand."

"Understand what? We can't understand what we haven't gone through!"

Sadie is sighing of boredom in the background. I'm getting a little frustrated with their response.

"Billie would have listened. He seemed to be in the same situation as me. Lost. Alone."

"Oh come on, Lay! Billie's just a figment of your imagination."

"Not this Billie. This Billie was the real deal. He couldn't have been more like him than if it were him in person."

"Do you hear yourself? You're comparing your dream to a person. Of course they're going to be the same, but that doesn't make it real."

"Fine, you guys win. I just can't explain it to you. This feeling is unexplainable. You're right, it was a dream. Just a fucking dream."

"How many hours did you sleep for, Lay?" Sadie asked.

"My mom said 16 hours. The most I've ever slept since I was a baby. I've pulled 14 on occasion, but never 16."

"That alone is fucking scary," Sadie brought up. "Forget about your dream, and start with the fact you slept twice the amount of a normal person your age. Maybe that's why you've been having the crazy dreams."

Hmm, maybe she's right. Or maybe it's the other way around. Maybe the crazy dream is the reason I slept an abnormal amount.