Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Humor Me

      "It's just, this is hard for me," I explain while swaying my legs back and forth. "I'm not really good at talking about this sort of stuff."

"You don't have to get mushy or any shit like that," he smiles. "Just tell me the facts."

I shrugged and rolled my eyes.

"Well, my first boyfriend was in high school. It was my junior year..."

"And?" He waves his hand as a gesture for me to continue.

"It didn't last that long. We had similar music taste, but he was so negative all of the time. I couldn't have a conversation with him about anything without his pessimism coming out. It drove me insane. Especially since at that point in my life, I sort of had a toxic friend."

He squinted his eyes in interest, nodding slowly to exemplify his attention.

"A toxic friend?"

"Yeah, I had this person in my life who was unintentionally stripping me down. I hadn't even realized how fucked up our relationship was until it was over."

"How'd it end?"

"Miscommunication. After three hard years, miscommunication finally broke us a part. Thank God, too. It was only a matter of time, shit was getting bad. I honestly still don't feel comfortable talking about half of the things she put me through. It's...taboo for me to think about. I'm okay now, though. I'm a lot stronger, that's for sure."

Billie looked a little puzzled by my vague explanation, but I could tell he was also willing to let it slide.

"I'm sorry, Layla. I'm glad it's over now."

"Me too," I chuckle.

"So you and this guy didn't last long? What was his name?"

"Andy."

"Okay, tell me more."

"My second boyfriend was in the beginning of my freshmen year in college. He was just a full out lazy ass piece of shit. I didn't even know it until a month or so had went by. He didn't treat me well at all, now that I think about it. Always asking for money, rides, food...he was a douchebag."

"I'm surprised you would settle for anything less than the best."

I rolled my eyes and looked out into the distance.

"Anything less than the best would never want me."

I wasn't looking at him, but I could almost feel his jaw drop at that statement. It got really quiet and the tension increased.

"Excuse me?" He finally called out.

My head turned to face him. His expression was pure shock and disapproval.

"Don't look at me like that," I shiver.

"Why the fuck would you say that, Layla?"

"Hey, I don't mean to sound negative or anything, okay? Trust me. I hate people who are all down on life, especially for no reason at all, but this time, I'm telling the truth."

Ew. I could feel the stupid emotions swelling up inside of me. Over the past week, it wasn't unusual to see me cry over hospital trips, hallucinations or complete confusion...but when tears come from a place I can control, it gets me really upset.