Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Love Me Do

      Billie was still dancing around while my whole body went into this mode of shock. Did he really just say he loved me? Did he mean it? Those were words I was dying to hear before the two of us even met. They carried such power and emotion in me that all of my other problems seemed to have disappeared. Nothing else mattered. Billie said he loved me.

"You okay, Layla?" He finally asked me while catching his breath after a few more spins. I got the shivers when he looked me in the eye again, something that got me going every time, but especially now.

Out of nervousness, I quickly gazed at the ground. It was almost as if I couldn't face him after that. Does he even realize how big of an impact he has on my heart?

"Layla?" He grabs my hands and I can feel his stare nearly burn my skin. He lets go of one hand and tilts my head up to see him. "Are you okay?"

I nodded my head slowly and blushed slightly. He definitely noticed, and smiled as a little victory on his part.

"Talk to me, sweetie," he encourages with his seductive voice.

"Did you mean it?" I finally ask.

He gives me this look of misunderstanding.

"Mean what, hun?"

He didn't forget already, did he? Seriously? I was never going to forget this. I would never forget those words I just heard from his mouth...were they only spoken because he got what he wanted? An answer?

I turned around to face the ocean, with my back towards Billie. I didn't have the guts to say what the rest to his face.

"Do you really love me?"

There were a few quiet moments after those words slipped my mouth. The silence was too much to bear, so I had to give him an ultimatum.

"Or did you just say that because you felt obligated to? Because I gave you an answer?"

He casually placed his hand on my shoulder and spun me around to face him. It was embarrassing to see him in all his glory and realize he was stuck with a little fan girl like me. I wanted him to elaborate...I craved to hear him speak, but it made me feel like a charity case.

"Layla, how could you say that?"

"I don't know," I lose grip from him and walk a few steps away from him. "Hearing you say that, it made me so happy inside. It's all I could ever want to hear...but somehow, I still doubt it. I'm just here, yah know? Living my life, and then you crash into my mind somehow. I just want to know it's real, that you really love me. How could you, really? You have a beautiful wife, a family...I'm just someone you're stuck with...how could you really? I don't blame yah if you don't, but how could you?"

I turn to face him, and notice he's walking up to me. He motions me to take a seat on the sand and follows to sit beside me.

"Can I tell you something, Lay?"

"Yeah."

He clears his throat and gazes as far into the ocean as he can, me watching him every bit of the way.

"When I'm on the road with my band, I feel so-so badass. I've got this adrenaline rush and I feel fucking unstoppable. I'm usually fucking drunk out of my mind, and I can barely remember one day from another. I'm sure you can tell, if you've ever seen one of my videos off of YouTube or whatever, you can nearly see the façade I play eating me alive, yah know? It's almost as if I've got this armor on that makes me wanna challenge people to fight me. As if I'm greater than every human in my sight...and it shows, because I'll act like a fucking douche. How tall am I? Fucking 5'7 feet and I act like some giant stomping on every little shithead out there. Right?"

I keep staring at him, trying to figure out where he's going with this. He's still staring into the ocean, almost as if he were giving a monologue for the waves.

"And then there's all these girls out there that wanna sleep with me left and right, men too. I don't fucking blame them, I'd want to sleep with me too!"

I chuckled at his remark.

"And the drugs surface, and the alcohol becomes a motor, and to play a gig for thousands of people...it's fucking amazing, if you can remember it the next day. If your hangover doesn't ruin you the next morning. You get so fucking pissed off at everything because of the pain that you yell at everyone you love, yah know? Everything loses its meaning. It all becomes routine. It's fun at first, I promise you that. They'll tell you how fucking great it is to get shit faced and destroy everything...but they don't tell you how empty it leaves you."

I can feel the goosebumps form on my skin at the sound of his words. I reach out to grab his hand in attempt to comfort him. I could see him get a little shaky with each line escaping his mouth. His voice was stuttering and his face was flushed.

"That's why so many great musicians commit suicide, yah know? Its' fun the first time around, but after sleeping around every night, popping pills and finishing the last bottle...what's left waiting for you? It becomes scary, because at that point, not even the music can save you. It almost ruined me too, but I found love. Love saved me."

He was talking about Addy. The way his articulation came back full circle and his breaths slowed down.

"She helped bring out the old me, the one who doesn't need all that shit to laugh and have a good time. She relaxed me, gave me hope,...brought me joy. Yeah we've had our fucking struggles, but at the end of the day, she was there for me."

Billie Joe finally looked over to see me, which bounced my attention towards the ocean. I was flattered that he was taking the time to open up to me, but I still wasn't sure where he was going.

"When I'm with you, Layla, I find new things to get excited about. I can be myself. I don't have to be some famous punk rock musician who has to live up to his name. I can be there for you, and care for you, and have you do the same for me. Sure, it's only been a week, but I've told you more than I've ever told some of my best friends. We've been through problems and had weird situations, but we are there for each other. At the end of the day, you're there for me."

I began blushing hardcore and looked him in the eye.

"I'm 43. I'm married with a family. You're 19...young and beginning your life. But that doesn't mean shit. I can still love you, Layla. Love doesn't equal sex. Love is care, its' trust and it's a foundation built within another person...and I have all of those in you."

I could actually feel the tears streaming from my eyes. I never expected such a beautiful and well thought answer to my question.

"I never thought you were that well-spoken," I joke with tears.

"I may sound like a dick face most of when I speak, but as a lyricist, I've got some good shit built in my heart," he smirks.

"Billie...that was the single greatest thing I have ever heard from anyone. I'm so touched that you believe in me like that. I couldn't have asked for a better person to be with. I love you Billie, so fucking much. And it means the world to me, that you can love me too."

I could feel the butterflies' attack the inside of my stomach when I noticed Billie stopped gazing into my eyes and began peeking at my lips. He began leaning in a little closer, and placed his forehead on mine. His breath was getting heavier and deeper, leaving me shaking and awaiting the greatest moment of my life.

"Promise me," I begin to whisper. "That after we find our way home, you'll come back? That you won't leave me forever?"

Our lips were so close, I was so fucking tempted to just make out with him. Somewhere inside I hoped he would start it off.

"I'll never leave you," he finally whispers back.

Somehow, as if we were creating space and attempting to destroy it, we got closer than we just were. Any minute now. Any minute we would be lip locked in this moment of complete love and serenity. Any fucking moment....