Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Do You Wanna Know A Secret?

My parents harassed me about how long it had taken for me to get home from the pizza shop, but I refused to tell them the truth. The last thing I was going to do was explain how I fainted and had a vision while waiting in line. They would have saw that as a sign that I was getting worse, but to me, I could see I was getting better.

I stuffed about four pieces of pizza down my throat and ran up to my room. It was 6:30 and I was already eyeing my container of pills. All I wanted to do was sleep. A few different thoughts raced through my head. Should I try to sleep naturally? Do I take another pill to guarantee a dream? Should I go for a walk with some friends? Do I even have any friends-ones that I can trust?

Sitting in my room waiting for an answer slowly drove me nuts. Sleep sounded good, but I couldn't pass out now, not yet.

I called Danielle up again for the second time in a couple of days. Billie warned me that my friends would think I was crazy, but Danielle seemed like the safe choice, even after our confrontation the other day. After a quick call, she invited me over for a fire.

"How you doing, Lay?" She asked sincerely as we stared into the crackling flames.

"Pretty good," I state dryly.

"That's good...so what's up?"

I'm shaking nervously with my hands glued together and my eyes stuck on the fire.

"Nothing much."

"Yeah. How are yah?" She attempts to get me to speak.

"Great," I lie.

I could hear her sigh besides me. We both remained in our silence for a few minutes, just staring at the fire and taking in the summer night. Honestly, I was afraid to tell her anything. The last thing I wanted was to scare her away, but if I wasn't talking about Billie, what was there to even talk about?

"Come on, Layla! Talk to me! You didn't call me to just sit, did you?"

"I just don't want to be alone."

"You? Afraid of being alone? Since when?" She calls me out.

I didn't answer.

"Okay... so, did you watch that new episode of Pawn Stars the other day? Chum was hilarious! He kills me every time!"

I wonder if Billie misses me. Is that even a possibility? It's so weird that he can dwell in my mind, but be completely unaware of all of this shit in his reality. I can't wait to tell him about what I saw this afternoon. He'll probably be psyched! Maybe once he knows a little about himself in his other realm, he can start to connect the dots...that'd be so cool! It'd helps us both out, that's for sure—

"Layla? Did you see that episode?"

But what if it makes things tougher? What if he finds his way back to his reality and connects back to his physical body? Maybe then we wouldn't be together...I can't have that. But I have to tell him. If I don't say anything, nothing will get better. It'll be worth the risk, I think.

"Guess not. How's work been? I had the weirdest day my last shift, all these strange customers came in and kept busting my balls—"

Maybe Billie is watching me right now. Do you think he's going to freak out if I take another Benzo tonight? I'm still debating on whether it's worth taking...maybe I can sleep naturally. But how could my body sleep naturally after those three hours I passed out today? My physical body is in insomnia mode. Honestly I don't care if Billie gets pissed, at least I'll be able to see him.

"Layla! Are you even listening?"

"Yeah, Chum Lee is a riot. Pawn starts is a hoot," I plainly agree.

"No, Layla. I was talking about work. What is wrong with you? It's like your mind is in a whole other world. Care to explain?"

"Nah, I'm all set if you are."

"No actually, I'm not all set! I'm offended. Talk to me, Lay. I didn't want to mention it, but what's been going on with your whole dream situation? I know something has been up, but you have to tell me. Keep me updated if you want to stay in contact."

Ah shit. I want to talk about it, but I can't. I just can't.

"I can't tell you, Danielle."

"Why not?"

"Because, you're going to call me crazy."

"So has it gotten worse?"

"No. Quite the contrary, it's gotten better. But what I see as better, you may see as worse."

"Please tell me, I can't take this confusion any longer."

"You're telling me," I mutter. "Fine, I'm dying to tell someone, but what I say is in confidence. You can't tell anyone, okay?"

"Fine."

"Promise?"

"I promise," she proclaims.

I take a deep breath in. Do I mention the pills or just how I fainted? How in depth do I go?

"It's nothing too crazy. It's just, I still have dreams with him. He always tells me about how badly he wants to figure it out. Always trying to remind me how real he is, and how we're both in it together. He tries to come up with solutions and options. He considers me a good friend, and even sang to me the last time we talked. He's just so real to me, Danielle. I knew it was a dream, when I saw him, which was good...but when I woke up, there was an acoustic guitar in my room. I don't play the guitar. How did it get there? Surely it isn't my fathers, one that he claimed to have hid a long time ago. How could I have gotten it in my sleep? It's almost as if my dreams are slipping into reality, piece by piece. And tonight...tonight was weird. I fainted at the pizza shop, and during my unconsciousness, I had a vision."

Danielle was politely paying attention with this look of interest yet denial. She was definitely interested on what I had to say, but was scared to hear it.

"Of what?" She asked.

"Of him. Of his reality."

"What do you mean?"

"I saw him in his home with his wife. It was a short and sweet look into the Armstrong household, but it was a vision that proved he was real. Something happened at that very moment that caused me to pass out on the spot, and see him. And you know the weirdest part? He was singing. He was singing to Clapton's Layla! Can you fucking believe it? And his wife, his wife was confused and asked why he was playing that song...and he didn't know why. He said he just felt the need to. Do you get it? Do you know what this means?" I freak out.

Danielle was in shock at what I was saying. Almost as if she didn't know how to handle the news.

"What does it mean?" She reasonably replies.

"I don't fucking know haha," I laugh. "But it means something. And I intend to find out."

"Did you tell your parents? If you really fainted in public, that's rather dangerous and scary, Layla."

"I can't tell them. They'd send me to the hospital faster than I could imagine."

"Maybe going to the hospital isn't a bad thing?" She suggests.

"They'll put me on meds and try to numb the creativity out of my skull. There's no fucking way. They'll ruin me. If anyone is going to screw me over, it better be myself."

I pick up my bag from the grass and take one last gaze into the fire.

"I better get going, I'm going to bed. Thanks for being here for me."

Danielle seemed transfixed by everything I had just said. I could tell she tried really hard to not call me crazy or drag me to the hospital herself. Eventually she stood up and gave me a hug.

"Of course. I'm wishing you the best, really, Layla."

"Yeah..." I agree unassured. "Me too."

r$