Promises and Deals | The Mandalorian

.115

 Never had Alora been more nervous in her life. As she sits quietly on Bo-Katan's ship, she cracks her fingers again and again as if the sharp sound could cut through the static in her mind. It is never-ending, muffling even the sounds of Grogu cooing in his bassinet or Din's armor as it shifts against the co-pilot's seat. She can hear it all, but it is so far away.

Is this really how she wanted to go back to her most feared memories? No, not by a long shot. Having Bo-Katan here only worsens the noise in her head, and she never wanted to bring Grogu here—to the place that threw her away and destroyed her spirit, severing it into pieces she could never sew back together. What if it rips him apart too? What if she can't save him from her fate?

There have been moments, ever since Din told her they would all accompany her to Dagobah, when she looked back at her life in horror—at all she had accomplished since leaving the dreadful planet and couldn't find a single redeemable thing. Other times, she would look back, knowing she overshadowed the green asshole whose voice still echoes in her mind sometimes. But most of all, the thought that tickles the back of her head is that of Leia.

She had accepted that she had ruined their relationship. Alora was brave enough to finally say what would break them apart, and Leia probably hated her for it. Hated Alora for loving her in a way she shouldn't, hated that Alora couldn't get over herself for the greater good. Alora devoted her life to the princess-turned-general, but she could not force herself to be happy anymore. But now, in this moment, a small piece of her hopes Leia does not hate her—understands that her love was not wrong, only misplaced. That small part of her wants Leia by her side too.

But Leia may never know of this. She had always wanted Alora to ignore the past, to keep moving forward with the Rebellion into a new age beyond Sith Lords and the Empire. But Alora had held fast, mostly in secret. There had always been a hole in her heart, a piece of her history missing that Leia could never understand.

She just wishes the key to fixing her wasn't on Dagobah.

The static is so loud that she does not realize they have touched down until she feels the brush of cool beskar against her arm. She looks up at the unforgiving helmet she has learned to accept before glancing at Grogu and Bo-Katan. "Uh, you two should stay here in case we need a swift exit." Running her hands down her thighs, Alora stands up, though she has never felt so small as she looks past them all at the lush swamp beyond the ship. "Din, are you ready?"

She wishes he would say no. She wishes he would tell her to turn around, to just get back into space and go to their next destination.

Instead, he asks, "Are you?"

She hesitates before she nods. Without a word, she pulls her drab robe tighter around her, lifting the hood over her head before turning to walk off the ship. Like Din's old one, the exit is separate from the pilot's area. She pauses before the swampland, even as the humid air and rancid smells smack her in the face.