Resisting Rosaleen (18+)

48

'You're my new addiction,

I wish I knew how to quit you.'

Brokeback Mountain obviously influenced the second line. Nikolas, adding the first, however, made the simple message handwritten on a small card much, much more meaningful. For him to use the word addiction would mean all seriousness. The card, despite being as light as a feather, felt heavy because of the weight of his message.

Addiction. I'm his new addiction.

I smelled the roses—a box of them which I found on my bed after I exited the bathroom. I've said it before and I'll say it again: romantic wasn't our thing. Yet the roses, the late night talks, the gentle caresses, sweet whispers, mysterious messages, and all other cheesy stunts Nick has pulled were contradicting it.

Last night, Nikolas and I still hadn't had sex but we didn't need to. Being able to feel freely like ourselves in the same room was enough. I stuck the card in between the red flowers again and laid the pretty black box on my bed, right beside the pretty black gown that was made to hug me tonight.

When one thinks of spring colors, black would be the last to pop in mind.

However, people might be forgetting that nights still exist in spring and without the darkness, a star wouldn't shine. I wanted to shine. That's why I opted for darkness to cover me black in the same shade as my hair, silk with the same softness of my skin, and a style that reflected my personality.

I was lounging in black lingerie under a cotton robe, makeup already done. All that's left to do was to style my hair, to strap my heels on, zip my dress up, and wait for Aiden Philipps, my date for the night.

There was a knock on the door. "Who is it?" I yelled.

"It's me," came Jared's voice, muffled. I opened the door and he stepped inside. Again, he was still wearing his suit but this time with a bow instead of a tie.

"Hey," I went back to the vanity and continued styling my black tresses, "Sit down. What's up?"

Jared didn't sit and instead stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. "They've decided," he said, "I'm coming with you to New York."

I turned to face him. It was good news. "Really?" I stood, abandoning the curler. Then I flew straight to him for a hug. He captured me, big arms that lifted me off the ground.

It was great to know that I wouldn't have to part everyone. There's Jared who'll follow me from here to there. At least there was a sense of home with him. Plus, we'd be nearer to Ellie—still a long drive away but nearer nonetheless.

After receiving a text from my said date saying that he's on his way, I finished doing my hair and slipped into the long dress. I struggled understandably with the heels. I then sat on the edge of my bed waiting again, eyes drifting to the box of bright red blossoms.

I didn't have to be a genius to know that he'll be attending with his wife. The ball is a town thing and surely married couples will arrive as that—married. I sighed at the thought of Bianca and Nikolas being congratulated all night on the pregnancy. I still was in no legal position to execrate and I never will be.

I leave tomorrow morning. I've been pushing the thought away so that I wouldn't get too affected and instead let the underlying dread from the events sink in once I've boarded the plane. I know that I'll still visit from time-to-time, but I'd rather think that I'll be leaving this place forever because if I leave space for hope of seeing Nikolas again, I will never be able to push forward.

As I waited for Aiden, I stuffed my essentials into a black purse. I already texted him my room number when he arrived in the vicinity. All that's left is to welcome the boy when he rings the bell.