Anyways, this week's been different. My feelings have changed, along with the weather. Nothing I can't get over, just like the cold I had last week. At least I don't sound like a man anymore. Ha. Despite the little things, I'll never let myself fall back down hill. Unless I'm rolling down. If I'm rolling down the hill, I chose to do it + it's fun anyways, even if it screws me over. Oh well. I'm still myself for the end of the day, nothing changes that. It's so bittersweet. - journal entry 9/8/17 1:06 am
18-year-old Cassie, you have been on a roller coaster this last year, no matter how tough, enjoy it. Life always won't be this great.
People come and go. It's not necessarily a bad thing. Every person that comes into your life has a purpose. You learn from them. Some are meant to stay for a while and some are meant to go. But time plays a huge factor in people, friendships and relationships. The length of time. And there is no "wrong time", everyone comes into your life at the right time, the time they're meant to come into it.
If you don't look at the thing that upsets you into the mirror every day then it won't change you.
So, I meant that like people don't really live in the moment. If they just sat there and looked around, admiring their surroundings, living and breathing in the moment, then it'd be easier to focus on how great life can be and how happy you can be, just from the littlest things.
"your growth depends on the frequencies you expose yourself to" - ben the bushman
I'll be quite honest with you; I was on the right fucking path. I wasn't completely successful, but my head was in the right place. It got to the point where I couldn't be happier to be alive. It was a major transition because I've always been in the darkest places. I've never really wanted to stay alive. One day I just woke up and changed everything. I want to be in that place again. I want to have that same fucking mindset. Honestly, I know exactly the things that are holding me back. Unfortunately, those are the things in my life that I will never get rid of. The bad things are what attract me. I love the feeling, but in the end, it fucks me up. The bad decisions don't help either. I don't know how I'm ever going to get rid of them, but it needs to happen either way. People continuously keep changing and it sucks because sometimes you're on the right path and you see a different road, it just appears when you're least expecting it and you wonder what that road will be like. It'll probably be more of a wild adventure, than a purposeful journey, but you still want to go anyways. You still want to just see what it's like. And that's how you fuck yourself over. You make the wrong fucking turn. Sometimes when you make that turn, you know you're making the wrong turn, sometimes you don't. Either way you still find yourself going back down that road and making those wrong turns time and time again. Moral of the story is you have to learn how to cut people and things and habits out of your life or you will never be successful.
Maybe it's okay to give yourself a break from certain people. Sure, you miss them when they're not around, but it's healthier for you to take some time for yourself. Maybe it's okay to sit at home anxious to leave your house. Maybe it's okay to just sit here and think, and reflect on yourself. Spend your time doing more beneficial things or just lying-in bed. You might learn something new while you're sitting there waiting around. Not having a car might be a good thing. Everything happens for a reason; you just have to trust the universe.
You're in complete control of your thoughts, feelings and perspectives.
