It's exhausting not being able to do the things that I want to do because I have to be pleasing other people 24 hours a day.
If things were different, I would call my friends more, I would spend more time by myself, I would lay in bed for as long as I needed to or as long as I wanted to, I would drive around late at night by myself listening to music, etc.
If I can't do what I want to do, then that's somebody else's problem, that's not my problem. I need to just do whatever the fuck I want and not worry about what anyone else has to say. Two days being 24 and I still feel like shit.
Spending extra time with my dad and my grandma is exactly what I've been needing and it's always nice to come home crying to them. They help me out every step of the way
I'm fucking 24 and I'm fucking lost. I don't know where the fuck I'm going in life and I don't know where the fuck I want to go in life... but yet 24 is the age where I am supposed to be in adult. What the fuck. I feel more like a kid now than ever.
What happened to the me that I was at 18? What happened to the happiness I had and the peacefulness I once felt?
It's been fucking gone for so long now. 2017. Fucking 2017. Basically the last time I truly felt happy deep through my core.
Gym. Journal. Not worrying about boys. I would give anything to go back to then. I can't believe how fucking long ago that was. but that was the last time I was happy. Deeply deeply happy.
And it wasn't anything that made me happy. Do you know what fucking made me happy? M.Y.S.E.L.F.
