𝐎𝐮𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 [𝟏𝟖+]

029: vulnerable

Only after Theo closes the door behind him after whispering a soft "sleep well" to me, do I let the tears to fall down. I just couldn't hold them back anymore. It hurt me enough to pretend to be asleep when he came into my room, and I had been holding back the tears since I left Sarah's place. I wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and tell him how I was truly feeling. But... I realised I probably deserved it. All of it.

I open my eyes and lay on my back. I stare up at the ceiling and a silent sob escapes my lips. My eyes sting as more tears return anew. I never wanted to hurt anyone intentionally and yet, Noah felt being lead on and I lashed out at Sarah tonight. Even though, I had actively tried to convince Sarah about the nature of our friendship in the past, she never acknowledged it. She always kept assuming things, saying I'm in love with Noah and whatnot.

At this point, I'm not even sure who to be mad at. Noah, because he kissed me against my will and didn't even seem apologetic? I have only known him for a month at best. It was my best friend that always kept claiming how much of a nice guy he was. And for a long time, I believed it, too. My arms still hurt from when he had held them in a strong grip.

Or Sarah, because she never knew when to stop? The one who always tried to act like she knows better. Who never realised her mistakes or how to read a room. I have known her for more than two years now. And she has always ended up complicating things when she said she was trying to 'help' me.

Or myself, for... everything? Yeah, it is all my fault. I should have been more careful about how Noah perceives my actions, or my words. I shouldn't have tolerated his chaste kisses or innocent touches to begin with. And I shouldn't have lied to Sarah that night about who gave me the hickey.

None of this would have happened if I had just told her about Theo and rejected Noah from the start. He mistook my friendship as me liking him back, and my politeness as my way of flirting. And Sarah's constant teasings and innuendos didn't help, either.

I have never felt so lonely before. I can't even share my feelings with anyone. If I tell Adrien, he'll just go and beat Noah to a pulp before I even finish talking. His protective nature wouldn't help the situation at all. And I don't want to share it with Theo. I don't know how he is going to react. I still remember his subtle threat about hurting Noah if he saw him near me again. That was a long time ago, back at the club. So, Theo is out of the equation, too.

I wish Dad were here. I miss him so bad. It's been a month now. I don't know how much longer I can go without seeing him. Voice calls and FaceTime can only do so much. I miss his bear hugs and the way he always hums a tune to himself while cooking.

Exhaling a shaky breath, I wipe my tears with the sleeve of my hoodie and close my eyes, hoping sleep would find me soon.

******

I hear a soft knock on my door, followed by my brother's voice.

"Amy, I'm coming in."

Adrien waits outside a few minutes, and then finally pushes open the door. I peer at him from under the blanket when he walks into my room. Noticing me still lying on the bed, he rushes closer.

"What happened?" Adrien asks in a gentle tone and sits on the bed beside me. "Are you okay?"

I nod slowly and sit up, resting my back against the headboard. "I'm alright."

"You don't look alright," he says and presses the back of his hand on my forehead. "You don't have a temperature," he mutters, more to himself. "Do we need to take you to the doctor?"

"No, Adrien. I'm fine." I give him a small smile and hope he buys it. "I just don't feel like going to school today..." I trail off and wring my hands on my lap.