Love Letter

I see you....

"Hello, my gorgeous ladies!" Tom popped his head around the door, grinning. He brandished the largest bunch of roses either Ali or Jenny had ever seen.

Jenny and Ali rolled their eyes at each other. Cheeeball was back. As he had been almost every day for the last three weeks. Ali had made steady progress, regaining her strength more each day. Tomorrow, well, tomorrow was D-day. Discharge day.

Tom wandered in, hugged Jenny as he always did, then kissed Ali again as he always did.

After that first night, there had been no attempting to deny they were, to all intents, a couple. Well, to outsiders anyway.

Ali? Ali was a different story. Call it mild PTSD, call it cold feet, call it self-preservation. She couldn't, wouldn't, allow herself to think of him as her boyfriend. She just pretended. To the man who 'pretended' for a living.

All Tom knew was that there was something not quite right. She was as affectionate as always, as happy to see him as always, as eager to make plans. As long as they didn't include anything beyond her chemo.

She just wouldn't let him in. Not really. He decided to talk to Jenny. In case it was something he'd done, or there was something he SHOULD do. Was this a reaction to almost dying?

As a special favour, since his schedule was all over the place, he was pretty much allowed to come and go as he needed.

This gave him the perfect opportunity to catch Jenny before he saw Alison about a week into her recovery.

They sat and chatted in the relatives' room, somewhere quiet and private they could be sure they wouldn't be disturbed, and Ali wouldn't get wind he'd arrived.

Jenny listened as he poured out his heart. His disappointment and his fears.

"No, it's nothing you've done, Tom. I promise. I've seen this before. More usually in patients with a terminal diagnosis, though. I think, with the sepsis, Ali has just jumped the gun a little." Jenny sat back and rubbed her eyes. "I think, no, I know, she's distancing herself mentally. Subconsciously, she wants to keep you from becoming too attached...."

"It's a bit bloody late for that!" He laughed mirthlessly. "I'm about as attached as I can be at this point."

Jenny shook her head. "You know that, and to be honest, so does Ali, but she's scared."

"Of what? To die?" His stomach lurched at the terror he could barely imagine her to be in.

"No, well, yes, but mainly she's scared you're going to feel trapped. Then, if it all goes Pete Tong, you're going to feel every second of the pain she's going to cause when she does die. In truth? She loves you so much that she wants to protect you from that. She'd rather die alone than have you go through agony." Jenny looked at him as he processed what she'd just said.

For a moment, he said nothing, then gently started to cry. "There's nothing I can do, is there? To change her mind?"

Jenny shook her head. "Well, all you can do is be there, wait it out. Don't let her push you away. Show her that one: she's a long LONG way from dying and two? Even if she wasn't, it's not her choice. If you want to stick around? You get to. She'll just have to lump it." She smiled wryly. "Somehow, I doubt sticking with the hard stuff is anything you're not used to, is it?"

Tom wiped his face with his hands. Taking a breath and setting his shoulders, he shook his head. "No, you're right. I've dug my heels in many times over the years for things I believe in. Ali's future - and mine - is just one more." He stood up and held out his hand.

As Jenny stood and took it, he pulled her into a hug. "Thank you." He said softly.

So that was how, almost two weeks later, Interflora's latest delivery boy arrived, clutching roses and a smile.

"So, glad to be going home tomorrow then?" Jenny paused just long enough to raise the question. It was a deliberate act, Tom having asked her as a favour the day before. He had a plan. A cunning plan.

"Yes and no." Ali had sighed. "Yes, in so far as it's about time but no, because I really have enjoyed your company, Jenny." She smiled.

Tom sat quietly. Too quietly. Jenny stared at him. Had he fallen at the last hurdle? Had fear finally overcome him? She decided to prod just a little.

"So, you got your care plan in place?" She stood, leaning on the foot of the bed, looking at the pair of them. Ali blanched, and Tom shuffled his feet. Dear God, they were as bad as each other.

"Well, yes, I'm just going to take it easy. Tom will pop in when he can. I'll come back for my first chemo next week." She smiled shakily. "It's not going to be without its challenges, but I'll get there."

"WE will get there, love." Tom said softly, touching her arm softly. His face was a picture of fear. Was this the beginning of her final push?

Ali looked at him, "Y-yes. Of course. We. Sorry." She didn't sound at all convinced.

Jenny decided, in the name of love, to risk her job and interfere - just a little. "Do you really think you should be alone? Dont....dont you think you would be better off taking Tom up on his offer?"

Ali looked at her, then at Tom and sighed, not again. "We discussed this love." She said quietly. "We agreed I would go home. I fully intend to do that. I NEED to do that. I need my home."

Tom decided he had to make it plain. "But I need YOU Ali." He took both her hands "I NEED you."

Jenny slipped out the door, she'd done everything she could. It was up to them now.

Alison looked at him, her heart breaking. She loved him more than whatever life she had left. "I know," was all she said. She couldn't say more. If she said more she'd admit she loved him. She'd admit she was terrified every minute he was gone and she would, by that admission, condemn him to misery.

"And?" He tried to prompt her. She shook her head. She knew she was breaking his heart, he only wanted to help. Be there. But, she reasoned, better now than in a few weeks' or months' time. Then it would be even harder.

"Tom, you know I care. I.... feel for you what I've felt for noone else. I just don't think moving in with you under these circumstances is the answer. I'm sorry. Please try to understand?"

She reached out her hands and pulled him close, "You are my rock, you are the reason I'm still here. Please, don't leave me? Its just... just oh Tom...." she dissolved into almost hysterical tears and any doubts Tom had immediately went onto the back burner. His instinct to protect the woman he loved overcoming everything.

"Shhhh don't worry. I'm going nowhere. No matter what. I'm here. You don't have a stick big enough to keep me away." He cradled her the way he'd become expert at over the weeks and she closed her eyes and sobbed in his arms.

Jenny had quietly opened the door, just in time to hear Tom's pledge. She smiled and closed it again.

He'd tried his best. It was all up to Ali now.