Love Letter

In Sickness....

"Tom?"

She sat on the bathroom floor, sweating and shaking. Resting her head on her arm where it was peopped on the toilet seat, she felt herself heave.

Not again. Please, God, not again. This made eight times this afternoon alone. "Tom, are you there, love?" The nausea subsided, and she closed her eyes. Was this really worth it? All this? Her answer came in the form of her guardian angel.

The door opened, and a pair of gentle arms encircled her, a warm comforting hug spread over her, and a soft voice soothed her as he sat on the floor beside her.

"I'm here, love. I'm here. Come on, let's get you back to bed."

Tom stood and scooped her into his arms as she struggled to her feet. Resting her head on his chest, he carried her to the bed and laid her down. Jesus, she was losing weight.
He would have to make sure to order those malty drinks the MacMillan Nurse had recommended.

"Better?" He sat on the bed beside her and stroked her brow, feeling it clammy under his fingers. He lifted a face cloth, soaked in cool lavender water, and gently wiped her face. "There, that's better. Now, what would you like to drink? I have some flavoured water, I can make you some tea, or I can open a bottle of vodka?"

She snapped open her eyes at this last option. "Really?"

"No." He laughed, and a small, weak hand hit him on the arm with as much force as a kitten in a hurricane.

"You shit!" She laughed, "Don't tease!"

"Language Missy!" He laughed along and kissed her forehead. "I wish I could, though, might numb the pain for both of us."

Now she looked at him with a more serious expression. "I know. But it won't be so long, love. And the upside?" She took his hand and entwined their fingers as she so loved to do.

"There's an upside?"

"Yup!" She kissed his hand. " Well, when you come back, you'll have missed another exciting episode of 'how many times in a week can I puke' and I might, just might, be a size zero by then!" She smiled, her eyes betraying her true feelings.

Tom smiled at her, genuinely smiled. Her ability to try and make him smile under the worst of circumstances seemingly endless. "Oh Ali, I don't care if you're a size 100, I just want you." He leaned down and kissed her, suppressing the gag at her awful breath - another side effect of chemo she could do nothing about.

"You won't be saying that when you're picking a baby elephant off the bathroom floor!" She countered with a wink. "Since alcohol is off the menu, could I have some ginger tea, please?"

"Coming right up. Want a digestive biscuit, too?"

"Not bloody likely! Chocolate Hobnob, if you don't mind. Digestive indeed!" She pretended to be offended, and he laughed, bowing.

"Your wish, my command!" He departed, closing the bedroom door softly.

She lay back on the nest of pillows created for her and let out a breath. Treatment round two, day number three. Hopefully, it would be over soon. The nausea, the headaches, the fatigue, the mouth ulcers.... the list went on. The one that she hated most, though? The one that made her feel less of a warrior and more of a freak?

She turned her head and looked at herself in the mirrored wardrobe doors. Once, they had been a great way to check that she was neat and tidy. A good means of making sure her seams were straight. Now? Now, as she looked, all she saw was the thing that wasn't there.

Her hair.

It had survived the first round - but only just. It had become thin and weak despite all the handy hints and tips. A week later had seen it disappear down the plughole one sunny Saturday morning as she showered. Until that point? It had all been just a little unreal. As she watched the last of the blonde fuzz slither away, she'd sunk onto the floor of the shower and wept.

It had been some of the last tears she'd succumbed to. From then on, dry eyed and bald headed, she'd continued.

Tom had been wonderful. When he'd arrived to find her wearing a cap indoors, he'd known. Half prepared anyway, he knew it was still a major hurdle for her. For them.

Gently, he'd removed it as she'd cried soft tears of shame and regret. He'd kissed her and told her she was still his beautiful girl.

He'd taken her up to the bathroom and helped her remove the last straggly hairs with a razor, lovingly caressing her scalp afterwards. As he held her, he kissed her head with every bit of tenderness he could muster.

"I love you no matter how much you look like an egg!" He'd whispered softly, making them both snort and laugh. It was exactly what she needed. Love with a wee kick up the bum.

Now, at the end of the second round, he was still there. Still holding her, still kissing her (despite the bad breath from the mouth ulcers!) And despite having to clean her up after puking what felt like a hundred times a day.

The door opened and her butler appeared, tea towel draped over his arm, teapot, cups and biscuits on a tray.

"Room service Lady Alison..." he placed the tray on the bedside table and proceeded to pour. "Your tea ma'am..." he presented it and bowed.

"Why, thank you Jarvis!" She answered in her best posh voice. "Please, help oneself .." she smiled snootily.

Tom poured a cup and snuggled in beside her on the bed. He nudged her gently.

"So, you feeling a little better? Not been quite as bad this time I think?" He asked between sips of tea. "God how do you drink this stuff? The curdled milk is vile!" He scrunched up his nose and she laughed, almost spitting hers back into her cup.

"Oh Tom, PLEASE tell me you didn't put milk in yours?"

"Well, it's TEA isn't it?" He shrugged, and looked non-plussed. For a second, he waited then he winked. "Of course I didn't you daft woman, I was just winding you up. Worked it seemed!"

She sipped her own - un-milked - tea and smiled. "Going to miss this." Was all she said softly. "Miss you."

"I know love, I know. And I am going to be in agony every day we are apart." He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Now, drink up and get a little rest. We have a visitor later and he'll not appreciate you falling asleep on him ok?"

"Who? He can't see me like this? Oh Tom...." she started to complain and Tom smiled.

"It's ok, calm down. He's only coming to see you here because you can't go to him. Doesn't care what you look like quite frankly. Just cares that you kiss him and cuddle him when you see him. Maybe even go for a little walk with him. Just the two of you. He has a proposition for you, while I'll be away."

"What? Oh tell me!"

"Nope." He took the cup from her hands and kissed her forehead. "Now, sleep or no visitor." He had the tone of a long suffering parent and it made her smile. He'd be a great father.

"Okaaaay. Wake me in an hour?" She knew as soon as she closed her eyes, she'd be out like a light.

"Two."

"An hour and a half?"

"Done. God you drive a hard bargain miss!"

"And that's why you love me!" She winked.

"Oh? Who said I love you?" He stood, hands on hips, eyebrow raised, smile on his lips.

"You. A lot!" She shrugged, unfazed.

"And don't you forget it!" He closed the door. "Love you!" He called from the other side.

"You more!" She called back, laughing

"GO TO SLEEP!" was the laughing response.

She didn't need to be told twice.