Wait ed. (Carla-Billy's Story)

[Billy Talks] Missed

I saw her the moment she stepped in, like regardless of where I am or what I'm doing, that instance she's near, my eyes would automatically find her. I was not kidding when I told her I'll find her no matter what. Because seriously, finding her has never been a task. My body is well attuned to where she is, that I don't even need to instruct myself to find her- I just do.

She's wearing a pair of loose ripped jeans, her org shirt tied behind her- it's length just sitting on top of the waistline of her jeans, showing off some skin everytime she raises her arm. Never a fan of that. Lucky she has her university jacket on, because if not, I might untie that shirt and pulled the length down to her knees, if needed.

She looked around, a smile plastered on her face, making that appearance that she's actually thrilled to be here. But that smile- those all teeth and forced smile, that's her "five more minutes and I'm out of here"- smile. She still hasn't changed one bit.

I saw when she found Brian and Christian- we've been friends since we were young, and she might think I didn't notice it, but she's been cutting me off slowly. I'm sorry Patricia, but I don't think you could actually do that even if you cut my arms off.

When I noticed that she's been looking at her beer bottle, ready to bolt any minute now, I walked to wear she is, not risking losing this opportunity to talk to her. She's been subtly ignoring all my calls and messages. And whenever the group would hangout, she would immediately find an excuse to leave the moment I arrived.

"Nagsosolo ka", I said, beer bottle on hand, my body automatically turned to face her.

"They're already dancing when I came", she answered, but she didn't dare look at me.
What happened to us, Patricia?

"As if you have any plan of joining them in the dance floor", I said, knowing pretty well that she doesn't like bodies bumping to her when she's in a crowded place. I remember she only agreed to dance that first time she could legally enter a bar, with the condition that I will be there all the time. Not a problem at all. I'd dance with her all night, someone might actually need to forcefully pull me away from her if they'd even ask me to let her dance with someone else.

She was quiet after that, as if she couldn't stand talking to me. I leaned to the table slightly, my eyes still on her, trying my best to keep my hands to myself because I'm really tempted to pull her to face me. I missed seeing her eyes on me.

"May problema ba tayo, Carla?", I asked, and I knew that she was surprised to hear that tone. I don't normally use that tone on her, not unless she's doing something stupid like clumsily hurting herself, or when she's trying very hard to ignore me, like today.

"I don't think we're close enough, Billy, to waste our time na problemahin ang isa't isa"

That's deep. And that hurts. Ang sakit!
Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong nangyari sa amin. We were really tight one moment, and then the next, it feels like she couldn't stand being in the same breathing space as me.

I wanted to scream... talk to her and ask her to tell me what I did wrong, so I can fix this.
I missed her.
I missed us.

But instead, I said the only thing I've been telling her everytime I have the opportunity to talk to her. "I'm sorry". I'm quite certain I hurt her. But I was just not sure how or when.

"We're good", which has been her go-to answer every time I would say those words. And she would always take a deep breath, and looked around, like she couldn't wait to walk away from me. But this time, instead of looking around, I saw how her hold to that bottle tightened, like she's trying to control her emotions.
What did I do, Patricia?