Wait ed. (Carla-Billy's Story)

Rewind and Unwind

I was walking along the shoreline of that familiar beach- ang pino nung buhangin, there are palm trees around, and I was playing tag with the waves as they come to kiss the sand. Ang sarap nung feeling na parang bata ka ulit and you don't have that much worry and fear. Then, Billy suddenly appeared, calling for my name. And when his eyes found me, I saw how his face brightened, then he was laughing as he was running after me.

We were running, laughing, as if it was just the two of us in this time and space. Parang gusto ko na lang dito sa universe na to.

Cue in "Huwag Muna Tayong Umuwi"

And when he caught me, he hugged me tightly, kissed me deeply, as he whispered, "Mahal kita, P", then he let go of my hands, while walking backwards, smiling at me, but something doesn't seem right.

Then biglang nag-appear ang pine trees, strawberry shortcake and Ben&Ben's "Leaves" was suddenly playing at the background music.

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig.
Napabalikwas ako sa kama, and I immediately took my phone and checked the calendar.
Delayed ako....

That was five years ago...around 5 in the morning, when we were six weeks apart.
————
Present

"He knows my name, Mama. He knows how to say my name", Zee said as she turned to me, raised her hands, asking me to carry her.

"Isn't that great, Bear? I told you not only Mama knows your name", I said, kissing her nose, then I hugged her tightly as I too couldn't stop my tears.

"Mama, he still looks sad", she whispered, as she placed her little arms around my neck, while looking back at Billy.

Billy still has one knee knelt on the ground, his hand balled in a fist, like he's lost in his thoughts.

After five second or ten, I saw him shook his head, as if pulling him out from this trance. He stood up slowly, he staggered a bit, his eyes are all red, while he's keeping that smile on his face.

Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko.
Parang ang sakit sakit...

He walked towards us, his head looking down, as if he's forming a plan, which I'm quite certain he doesn't have an idea where to start.

He lifted his face when he's a step away from us. He looked at me, then at Zee. I saw him shook his head once again, he looked up to the heaven as if asking for help. He drew a deep breath, but this time, for the first time, Billy could not look me in the eye. He stared at me then immediately looked away, and while wiping his eyes, he said softly, "Hindi ko alam kung saan magsisimula... "

I shook my head, as I held my kid's head. "Not now Billy"

He bit his lip, nodded his head, but before he could turn around, he whispered, "Mahal kita, P! Mahal kita ng sobra hanggang dulo"

He stared at me once again, then he smiled sadly as he looked at Zee. He glanced back at me as if asking for permission. And when I nodded my head, he stepped closer to us, he held my arm which was holding Zee, then I was surprised when he placed his other hand on my waist, pulling us to him, then he placed a kiss on his daughter's head.

He stayed hugging us for a couple of seconds, then I heard him drew a deep breath, as he withdrew his hands and he took a step away.

I hate him nang sobra...
Pero parang nakalimutan ko nang bigla lahat ng galit at sumbat na matagal kong tinago.
And when he's about to take a step back again, I internally panicked.

Ganun lang yun?
Yun na yun?
Wala pa syang karapatang umalis...

Hindi sya magmamakaawang bumalik sa amin?
I don't know which one to expect?
Na ipilit nya ulit yung sa amin, or he'd just walk away again, like what he did many years back.