Wait ed. (Carla-Billy's Story)

Love and Choices (Signs and Stamps, Carla and Billy ver)

"Nah... nagtatampo lang ako, pero hindi ko naman iiwan yun. Mahal ko e. Lokong pag-ibig yan. Nakakatanga"

I took my bottle sabay inom.
Lahat na lang ng babae pinagselosan ko.
Why couldn't I feel that I'm enough... that Billy could actually like me?
I'm beginning not to really like this era.
Tangang era lang talaga.

Why am I so scared for that time na hindi na ako gusto ang gusto ng best friend ko?
E ano kung mahal ko sya?
Paano kung hindi na nya ako mahal?
Pagsisiksikan ko pa rin sarili ko?
Kaya kalma lang tayo, heart.
Kung ayaw na, tama na.

"Akala ko mahal mo? Nagdadalawang isip ka na?", I heard him asked but his eyes are still on his bottle.

"Hindi naman... Tsong, how would you know when you need to call it quits?"

"Langhiyang tanong yan. Ang sakit"

"Forget it... let's go! It's getting late", I said as I pushed my chair back and stood up, ready to go.

"Sit down, Carla. We're not done yet", he said, holding my arm, but still not looking at me.

I shook my head when I heard that.
Hindi pa raw kami tapos.
So, hindi pa pala.

He took a drink from his bottle, then he placed an arm on the table, and rested his face on his hand as he turned to look at me.

"Do you want to call it quits?"

"Mahal ko nga, di ba?"

"But... why did you ask it?"

"Because....", I started, but not really sure what to tell him.

"Because?"

"Because... I just want to know", I said, grinning at him. Idaan natin lahat sa tawa at ngiti para hindi masyadong halatang masakit.

"You want to know because?"

"Hindi ba pwedeng gusto ko lang malaman?"

"With you, hindi. So why?"

I averted my eyes and took a deep breath.
I don't think I can continue with this conversation anymore.

"Why?", he asked again, and this time, he turned his whole body to me so he's facing me. He was just staring at me, and I know that look- that look na hindi kakayanin ng tawa at ngiti ko yung pag-iwas.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Then I looked at him and asked, "Best friend ha?"

He probably understood what I meant, so he smiled weakly and nodded his head, but not before he held my hand.

I raised my eyebrow asking him what he's doing. He simply grinned and said, "I think we also hold hands even nung hindi pa tayo"

I rolled my eyes when I heard that.
But I smiled nonetheless.

"As far back as I could remember, ikaw lang yung gusto ko", I chanced to look at him and I somehow knew that I'd see that grin. "I've been used to loving you even when you have girlfriends before. I always tell myself na magsasawa din siguro ako"

"You still talk like a mouse when you're nervous", he said, and when I try to look at him, his grin is gone, but his eyes are left focus on me.

"Hindi naman ako nagsawa. Pero siguro if we've talked before like how we're talking now, maybe you can talk me out of it. Yung as a friend, you'd also tell me na I should probably stop that crazy and move on", parang lasing na ata ako, kasi wala ng preno yung bibig ko.

"Kasi sabi nila, friends give the best advice. Especially kung natatanga na yung friend mo. Di ba, sabi nga nila, if you want to know the best course of action in a situation, you have to think of what advice you would give your friend if she's in that same situation as yours?"