Damsel in Control (18+ Only) - The Rogue Pack

Chapter 33

Not to spoil the chapter.. but are you guys excited to finally find out Saul's secret?? 

Alice's face pops into my thoughts as I look at Saul. I'm aware of how I must appear, jaw hanging open, eyes bulging from their sockets, hands turning white as they grip the edge of the table. But I'll be honest. I don't really care.

Once again, Alice's face pops unbidden into my mind, and I force myself to analyse my feelings, aware of just how important this has now become. If Saul is here to condemn me, I may as well at least be guilty for whatever it is I've supposedly done. Which in this situation sounds like my crime is being part of the gay community. A community I didn't even now existed and that I'm honestly not even sure I'm a part of.

As usual, I feel nervous and giddy as I think about Alice. I feel my face as I picture her cute face, and then warm further as I imagine her slender waist in those beautiful dresses she wears, picturing myself wrapping my hands around her, and bringing her close, inhaling her scent before I...

Fuck. 'I'm gay'. Aida and I speak at practically the same time, but surprisingly Aida doesn't seem as angry as she did. Instead she seems almost defensive, as if she has decided that if this is who we are, then screw it. We've been rejected from our own community for speaking a truth, for being different, so why does another difference - another truth - make any difference. In case, we're on the same page. We're going to be fighting for our identity, no matter what it may be, and no matter how confused we may be about it.

Just out of curiosity, I pull Rodrigo's face into my mind. Only repulsion follows. Ok, maybe the wrong choice. Instead I attempt to produce an accurate representation of Isaac, but I struggle to conjure up an accurate picture, having only met him twice and been blindfolded for most of our second encounter. What about Saul? It's Aida's suggestion, but it makes sense considering how generally attracted to his presence we are. watch his face closely, aware that he is still waiting for a response. He's beautiful, there's no denying that. The elegant curve of his jaw, the soft sweep of his hair, I can recognise his attractive features. I do feel a pull for him as well, a desire to be close to his presence. It's a similar pull to the one I feel with Alice, but that's a completely different level of attraction. Cade? Aida continues to offer suggestions. I try to picture Cade's face. I only manage about a half accurate representation, but for him I feel no attraction at all, even though I'm also able to appreciate his strong jawline and other handsome features. I try to imagine sleeping with him again, and the actual thought of it, the thought of being with Cade himself does nothing for me. But then I remember what it was like to have sex with him, and I feel the response from my core, the heat growing as I remember how it felt to have his hands on my body, his tongue inside me.

So now I'm confused, I'm into women generally, but only into men sexually? And even that, only into the actual sex itself, and not the man? That doesn't fit with any of the broad categories of gay that I've vaguely familiar with. I shake my head gently at myself, I don't have an answer just yet. But at least I have a part of a response.

"Reyna?" I realise I still haven't actually given Saul a reply, and that he's still sitting waiting patiently for me to speak.

"I'll take that as a no? That you haven't heard about the growing gay werewolf community?"

"Yes. I mean, yes that's a no. I haven't heard of them at all." That at least is true, no matter whether I think I could be gay, I definitely haven't heard about any gay werewolves that exist. I didn't even think it was possible I'm still not even sure it is, Saul could be lying through his teeth in order to get me to admit to something.

"I see," his voice is oddly contemplative as if he's debating what to say next. "Are you aware of what gay means?"

"I've heard of it." I'm not really sure how much to reveal. "I've been on the human side of social media so I've definitely heard of it before."