Seafarer Escapade 5: Renzo Luiz Fuentes

Chapter 55

When he told me that he was ready to let go of the past and was ready for me. I almost believed him.

Pero binalikan ko ang mga ginawa nya, hindi sa kapatid ko kundi sa ginawa nya samin ng mga anak nya.

I don't think that we can prevent these circumstances from happening right now----And why do I feel na ako may kasalanan kung bakit nandito kami sa sitwasyon namin ngayon.

"If you are ready to let go of the past and was ready for me, why did you left us when you find out that my sister is already dead?" I said in crying. "Why did hurt my children from leaving them?---If you are ready for me, why did you hurt me not just emotionally but physically?"

My eyes remained fixed on him. I don't care if Im crying. Pero gusto kong makita ang expression ng mukha nya.

Bakit sakit lang ang nakikita ko sa mga mata nya? Gusto ko pang mag hanap ng kung ano sa mga mata nya pero wala akong ibang makita sa mga mata nya.

"Im sorry. I was ashamed of myself. When I found out that Nica is dead, I blamed myself. Hindi ko pa alam ang lahat pero sinisisi ko na ang sarili ko sa nangyari sa kapatid mo. Kahit anong gawin nya, hindi ko maitatangging hindi sya naging mahalaga sakin. I was inlove with her and whatever happened, ano mang galit ang meron ako sa kanya. She will always have a place in my heart and will always be a part of me...."

Parang punyal na tinutusok ang dibdib ko. Alam ko naman ang tunay nyang nararamdaman pero bakit kailangan pa nyang pagaanin ang nararamdaman ko sa isang kasinungalingan.

He was not ready to let go of the past. He was not ready for me. He just lied because he wanted to make me feel better.

"I am loss. I don't know what to do. I feel guilty and angry about what I did. I regret everything, especially since if I were with her before, there's a chance she might still be alive."

Mariin kong pinikit ang mga mata ko. No. I can't take this anymore. Paulit ulit nalang nyang pinaparamdam na mahal na mahal nya si Nica.

Tanggap ko naman. Pero yung paulit ulit. Hindi ko na kaya.

Tumayo ako at bago tumingin sa kanya.

"Gustong gusto mo talagang sinasaktan ako no?" Iyak ko. "Alam ko namang mas mahal mo si Nica, hindi mo na kailangang ipamukha sakin! Gusto mong maniwala ako sayo na sana kung nag sabi ako sayo noon sana hindi ito nangyayari ngayon. Pero bakit mo pa sinasabi yan sakin.  Bakit paulit ulit mong pinaparamdam sakin na second choice mo lamg ako. Na kung andito ang kapatid ko wala ka ngayon dito sakin" I sobbed, then I laughed. "You was ready for me? Really huh!"

"Nessa." He called as he tried to held my arm but I pushed his hand.

"Hinahanap ko sa mga sinasabi mo kung nasan yung part dun na you were ready to let go of the past and were ready for me. Pero hindi ko makita kahit saan. Ang nakikita ko lang ay hanggang ngayon ay sya parin. Hindi ko makita kung nasaan ako doon-----

"Nessa, I want you to understand---

"Understand what?" Putol ko sa kanya. "Enzo naiintindihan ko ang lahat. Ang hindi ko lang naman maintindihan ay bakit kailangan mo pang sabihin sakin ng paulit ulit na you were ready for me, the fact na hindi naman yun totoo.....are you telling me those just because we have a children? Is that your way to get me para makuha mo sakin ang mga anak ko? Huh!" Galit kong sabi sakanya.