of blood and lies ; dystopian

9

present

I woke up panting.

Every inch of my body was covered in sweat, as well as the cot under me. I pushed myself into a sitting position, hoping to leave the nightmare on the pillow.

My throat ached with every breath I took.

My fingers dug into the edge of the mattress. Shame rolled down the length of me. A night terror; I'd been having them since Karro left me in my hell. It was something about being alone with my thoughts. It did something to me. It felt me alone with my head.

His mother.

I slipped my trembling hands beneath the blanket.

I slowly looked up toward Karro. I prayed to The Blood that maybe, just maybe, he had slept through the noises I'd made in my sleep. I'd worked so hard to build strong barriers with my mind and body, to prevent showing anyone the parts of me that made me tremble. When sleeping, though, I had no control over what came from me.

Karro stared at me, very much awake. His face was lacking, as always. His back was to the wall and his knees to his chest. He watched me, and I watched him, unspoken words floating between us.

Everything about this room felt so much heavier.

I let out a breath before laying back on my side. I laid with my front side facing him., I did not break our stare through my readjustment.

He didn't look as cruel as he had. When I'd last seen him, before he pushed me into a timeless place, he was angry. Very angry. But now? He almost looked like the boy who had held me. Loved me.

Days had passed. Silence was all that entertained us. We both refused to speak. I spent my time searching for escape, but I found none. The metal was not loose. The window was tightly sealed. And the door offered no sign of opening anytime soon.

I was beginning to believe there was no hope.

If Karro knew of any information that would help, he did not offer it. He had bit his tongue as I bit mine. I supposed we were both too stubborn to be together, anyway.

It'd been four days if I had to guess. Through the night, Karro slept. I chose to sleep through the day (to avoid confronting him.) It was the easiest way for us to avoid each other. Otherwise, we would end up staring silently at each other, like we currently did.

I wiped my sweat-covered face with the blankets. It was going to be difficult to wash them with ragged soap and low water pressure.

"Tell me something truthful."

I flinched at the sound of Karro's cold voice ripping through silence.

My tongue began to ache from how hard I bit it. I answered, nonetheless.

"My name is Naga. That was not a lie. Before I was given my Career, I was 6657." I stopped. I had taken a vow of blood many, many years ago. I promised my life to The Blood, and my tongue as well. I swore I would never speak of The Blood or my life there.

Weaking fucking Naga, I told myself. Pride, shame, and guilt squeezed at me. They squeezed so hard, so ruthlessly, I began to tremble. A scream was on the tip of my tongue, threatening to echo through the room.

"I did not lie about--" I had to spit the last two words out. "Loving you."

I looked at his feet. I couldn't do this.

"Toward the beginning it was fake. Obviously. But, toward the end--" I looked back to Karro. I couldn't bring myself to finish. Not when he was looking at me like everything I said was untruthful.

Karro pushed himself off of the bed. He took two strides toward me. I could feel the anger and heat radiating from him, even before he was near me. I knew the feeling he was basking it, I could see it in his eyes. He had a mix of too many emotions brewing behind the sage.

He reached for my neck. Karro dug his fingernails deep into my neck, tight enough to force a whimper from me.

Karro and I had fucked many many times. In those, his fingers usually would find their fingers around my neck. He had always been able to find a spot to make my thighs slick.

He wasn't looking for that spot.

He was holding my throat like he was ready to kill me.

Despite this, I did not move. I let him squeeze harder, my vision blurring for a moment. I stared into his darkened gaze, lying limp beneath him.

Karro crawled on top of me, positioning a knee flush to my stomach. He pushed hard enough that I winced.

It was a rare noise.

Karro was the only one that could make it come from me. He was the only one I'd let touch me; hurt me.

"Here's my truth," Karro spat. I flinched, but I allowed his mouth to drop beside my ear. "I'd never love someone as pathetic as you."

I clenched my eyes shut. I felt like I was melting into the mattress, seeping into the core of the earth, even if it was cruel words he whispered into my ear. It was his voice; it was pure venom.

My face twitched, but I allowed him to continue.

"If I could do it all over again, I would. I would kill anyone I needed to if it meant you hurting." His lips curved upward, sliding against my ear. "I'd do vile, vile things if I could do it again."

He was lying.

He had loved me.

I knew he had loved me. This was not an angry man speaking. He was not angry about the lies and mission.

I'd done something to him. Something that no one had ever done before. And, he had done it to me, just as hard.

I'd broken his pathetic heart.