of blood and lies ; dystopian

42

Present

I woke up entangled in Karro. All blankets from his bed were thrown over us, concealing our body heat.

I couldn't imagine sleeping alone now. It was too cold; lone.

The side of his face rested flush against the top of my breasts. My fingers were threaded through his hair, holding him close.

He held onto my waist, folding the extra bit of fat that I had.

"What do you think will happen if we get out of here?" I asked, breaking the silence. I dreaded the question. Would we stay together? If Karro wanted to leave me, then I would leave him as fast. If he wanted to stay, then so did I.

Karro hummed into my chest. My back arched, pressing myself closer to him. The vibrations from his mouth shot straight to my belly.

"I'm going to make you spaghetti." His slurred voice was muffled by my chest.

I bit out a laugh. According to him, it was all I spoke of when drunk.

"Okay," I replied. I continued to stroke his soft strands. "I will make you a margarita, then. I am an expert in it, after all."

His lips slid into a smile against me. I shuddered. "I will kill you if you do."

I zoned out to a cushion on the wall. My lips deepened into my face. Since we had planned our escape, using the nurse, a question lingered on my tongue. Would it go back to hate?

It would be easier if it did.

It was easier to hate him.

Did he still hate me?

Did I still hate him?

I didn't know what I felt. There was too much happening in my head.

"Karro?"

"Hm."

I gulped and shut my eyes. I never thought I'd feel nervous speaking to someone. Especially to a man. Fuck, how pathetic I had become.

"Are we going to, I don't know." I stopped. I sucked in a sharp breath. "Like stay together? Not like, together, but you know. I--"

This was fucking stupid. I planned to put a bullet in my face after this.

Karro pulled away from my chest. He looked at me, through his damned lashes. I scoffed upon seeing how hard he grinned. "Are you nervous, Naga?"

"Shut the fuck up." I tugged hard at his hair. He bit his lip and returned his flushed face between my breasts.

Karro's hand splayed against my belly. He traced light circles against my bare belly, where my shirt had ridden up.

"Do you know why I didn't leave you?" Karro asked.

My body tightened. I felt the ache return in my chest, but I kept my face firm.

I wish he had left me. It would have made it so much easier.

Karro made me hurt. Nothing would ever hurt as much as him. Just as nothing would ever feel as good as him.

I stayed silent.

"Truthfully," Karro started. "I don't think I can be without you. Even if I hate your guts. And, I really hated you. But, I couldn't leave. I don't think we were made to be apart."

I gritted my teeth together. I bit back the sharp feeling rising in the back of my throat.

"Okay." My voice was clipped. How did he expect me to respond? Thank you?

I tilted my head backward and stared at the ceiling. "It explains why you were so angry. You lived with someone you hated. Your enemy--"

"No," Karro interrupted. "I was angry because I still loved you. The same way you currently hate yourself because you still love me."

My entire body went rigid. He didn't need a response. He could feel it-- the confirmation of what I would never admit aloud.

"Doors open, soldiers aren't real, we convince the nurse to help us," I said. I was beyond ready to get out of this stupid fucking room.

"Yes."

"And if that doesn't work?" I couldn't be confined anymore. It had to work.

"It will."

I winced. If we were wrong, and everything tumbled, we would be dead. If Karro's assessment or the nurse was wrong, we were dead. If my confirmation of the soldiers being false was wrong, we were dead.

"If it is The Blood, they will kill us after we escape," I said.

It felt like the only way to escape them was through death. Perhaps it was for the best.

"Okay." Karro sat up, propping himself onto his elbow. I looked down at his lips. His breath fanned down my face. "I will make you spaghetti. You can make yourself a margarita. And, then, we will kill them all."

I liked the sound of his delusion.