of blood and lies ; dystopian

26

past

My face remained tight as I held two pistols in either hand. In front of me, thirty-one Anaka ran across the course, ducking from my bullets.

Today, I was angry. My Anaka did not fear me, even when angry. They were gullible for that.

I could kill them right now. If I wished, I could pick one, and pull the trigger once my aim reached their head. I refrained, continuing to shoot in the area behind them, encouraging them to run faster.

I ground my teeth together and thought of Karro. We'd been bickering all night. For the past few weeks, we couldn't stop fucking arguing. I wanted to tear out my hair.

My eyes moved toward the back of the children. 7437, the newest, was huddled down, shielding herself via rock. Her knees were pulled to her chest and she covered her head with her arms.

Every lesson was the same.

She was a coward.

I hated cowards.

I moved both pistols toward her, shooting at the rock she hid behind. She screamed and trembled as bullets rained around her. I wouldn't shoot her directly. Around her, yes, but she was still my Anaka. I wanted her to run.

I thought of 6942 as I pulled the trigger. She too had not wanted to be a part of War. She was a coward. And, now, her brains would forever be painted beneath the fresh coat of white paint in the hall where she'd been killed.

I shot more at 7437.

The other Anaka had finished the course, no bullets in their sides. But, 7437? She was barely able to get a step in.

She was going to be euthanized if she didn't get past this cowardice.

I ran out of bullets.

Silence filled the room, followed by a few Anaka chatting to themselves. I ignored them and kept my eyes on the crying girl. She couldn't even look up at me.

I scowled and threw my guns to the floor.

I reached for my blades next.

"7437," I snapped. She whimpered before jerking her head up. All of the children at the end of the course were huddled together; they knew they were safe once they finished the course. 7437 knew this as well; all she needed to do was run.

"Run or you will die." I was harsh. But, if she didn't run, she would die. Maybe not from my hand, but some hand will take her when she grows older. The future would eat her alive and spit her out. I thought of the infiltration that had happened over a month ago. What would happen if they came back? If they reached the Anaka. Would she cower?

I wanted to protect her as much as I wanted to pin her to a wall and shoot bullets around her frame.

She whimpered again but slowly stood from her rock.

"Stop being a fucking pussy," I began, pulling my knife upward.

The Anaka continued to whisper, most likely of my behavior. Karro couldn't fuck this mood out of me. It was beginning to feel as if every breath he took felt wrong.

"Run," I bit out.

And, she did.

Terribly, but she made her way across the course.

I threw the knives toward her feet, my eyes trained on her face. It all felt like muscle memory by this point.

I hadn't looked at her for too long until today. She had a pale, round face, light freckles spread across her nose. Her baby blue eyes were rounded, matching the lightness of her hair. As the rest of us, her hair was pulled into two tight braids; hers were poorly knitted.

I looked down at her plump lips. They trembled, tears and snot dripping down them.

A shame. She wasn't going to live.

7437 collapsed to her knees at the end of the course. I made sure to throw a knife that landed directly beside her hand. She shrieked, but I did not draw blood; if I wanted to draw blood, I would not have missed.

"That's enough for today," I called out, my eyes scanning the rest of my Anaka. I could see 7437 trembling from the corner of my eye. "9482 we need to work on your duck, next class. You need to arch more, I nearly got your spine."

"Yes ma'am," 9482 replied. Ma'am. I nearly laughed.

"3928." I looked at a young boy. "You were first. Tell the cooks you can have whatever pouch you wish for."

His eyes lit up and he ran out of the classroom. I wished I could bring them food from Man; our food was bland and sealed in pouches for years.

I groaned, finally looking to 7437. "7437," I started. "Come here."

She buried her face into the tiled floor.

It took many heavy breaths, but eventually, she found the courage to come to me. She crawled.

"What are you afraid of?" I asked, crouching in front of her. She adjusted herself until she sat on her ass, knees pulled tight to her chest. I wanted to help her. It may not appear that was, but it was for her own good. When I saw her cower, I saw 6942 dead due to lack of training.

"I don't want to get hurt," 7437 admitted. "And, the blood. I don't like all the blood. It's going to hurt."

I nodded, looking down at the knife in my hands. It was a common response when I asked my Anaka why they were afraid. Their stomachs were too weak.

"Look at me, 7437."

The Anaka behind her stared, silently crowding. Their eyes were wide and none of the children looked away. I was unpredictable. It was probably the most entertainment they would ever receive until they went into Careers.

7437 slowly looked up, tears welling in her eyes.

I twirled the blade in my fingers, eyes locked with hers.

I pushed up the sleeve of my jacket. I placed the tip of the knife on my inner wrist. I inhaled and pressed hard into my wrist. I did not wince as I trailed it all the way to my inner elbow.

Blood gushed from my wrist, and my skin began to split and gape. The blood rushed to the beat of my heart. I held my arm above 7437 so the blood fell onto her.

A few Anaka gasped.

I ignored them. It was just 7437 and I.

7437 stopped crying. She looked as if she'd gone into shock as the blood fell all over her leggings and jacked.

I smiled, clamping my fingers over my gaping forearm. I needed stitching. My skin was beginning to part too far.

"You see," I started, holding my skin together. "A little cut and some blood don't hurt anyone. Does it?"

I smiled harder.

7437 shook her head, fast. "It doesn't, ma'am."

Ma'am. There was that silly word again.

"Now, what do you think is going to happen when you go into a fight, 7437? When you are bleeding out with three knives sticking from your face? You will regret not running, won't you?" I stopped, watching her face pale. "You flop like a fish when you die. Do you want to flop like a fish or do you want to fucking run?"

7437 began to sob, again. I continued. "You are going to wish you got the fuck over it and fucking ran. Get the fuck up and run. If I see you cower once, I will pin you to that wall and show you how good it feels to bleed."

She got up, as I had told her, and ran. She didn't cower once. She ran like her life depended on it.