of blood and lies ; dystopian

48

PRESENT

I gasped and shot upward in the bed.

I kicked at the covers until they pooled at my feet. Frantically, I reached for my belly, feeling for the wound I had felt so vividly in my dream.

I squeezed my eyes shut and held my belly tight. It was a nightmare, I reminded myself. A memory of something I did not need to worry about. The time for mourning had passed; this was a burden.

"Hey," Karro whispered, sitting up in the bed. I looked over at him, my cheeks slightly hot. I must have crawled into the bed with him during the night; I did not remember.

Karro wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me into him. I stiffened, but let myself fall into his chest. He felt so warm, despite how cold and bitter his insides were. The nightmare was a burden, but it was also a reminder of him. His cruelty.

My body tightened, trying to reject his touch. I shouldn't be acting like he hadn't ripped a child from my belly. I shouldn't trust him.

Karro squeezed me tighter to him, forcing me to relax against him. I thought it was strange that the person who had caused me to hurt so terribly was also the one who comforted me-- the only one who could comfort me. Perhaps the wound on my stomach was a play at control. His sadistic way of showing that he could hurt me, and heal me

I'd promised myself that the day a man hurt me would be the last day a man took a breath.

Yet, he sat untouched.

It was me. I was weak-- so fucking weak.

Karro's lips came to my ear, brushing against the softness of them. "I'm sorry, Naga. So fucking sorry."

I looked down at my stomach, which I still held, as he spoke. My stomach hurt. It hadn't stopped hurting. Since our child had been removed from my womb, I could feel the pain. It was a mix of pain and emptiness, biting at my insides every day that Karro walked free.

The pain was a cruel reminder of what cruelty I was forgiving-- the boy who held me.

Karro continued to whisper into my ear, holding me closer. I ignored every word. Was this how he had tricked me before? Was I blinded by love like a fool?

I pushed off of him and stood from the bed.

Karro shifted, like he was going to follow me, but I held my hand out. "Just give me a second," I whispered, my throat tightening. I stumbled into the bathroom and slid down the wall.

___

I sat against the bathroom wall, my knees tight to my chest.

I felt Karro on the other side of the cushion, sitting with his back to me. I'd heard him shift a few times, but neither of us spoke.

My arms remained around my stomach.

With every passing second, guilt grew heavier and heavier on my chest. I should not have let him in. I should have killed him. I disappointed myself. My child.

"The soldiers aren't real." I flinched from Karro's voice breaking the silence. "Convince the nurse. Get out of here. Spaghetti and margarita. Then, we kill them all."

I leaned forward, resting my chin between my knees.

I wished it were that easy. It couldn't be that easy.

I ran the tips of my fingers along my biceps, staring at a spec on the floor. My skin felt raw from scratching at it so much-- I thought maybe if I clawed myself until I bled, then I would forget the guilt of his touch.

There was a wall between our backs, but I could feel my soul trying to sink out of myself, and into his. I hated being confined with him. There was no way to stop myself from trying to join with his essence.

It always had been like that.

"You know," I began, clearing my throat. "When I was young, I was forbidden from ever leaving the room I lived in. They were afraid we might cross paths. And, you know, later on in life my mission would be compromised if you had seen me. One night, I snuck out. I wanted to see the rest of The Blood. I wanted to go to the playground to collect flowers for my room."

I stopped, looking down at my feet.

I shouldn't be speaking. He could use this all against me. He could hurt me, again.

"On my way back one night, I saw you. I was so fucking scared you were going to see me. You were like fifteen at the time, and I was--" I scoffed, shaking my head. I didn't know my age. They'd taken everything from me. "I was really really scared you had seen me watching you. But, you were so beautiful. I didn't understand why I could be around you. Around everyone else."

I shifted, fiddling with my sweatpants. "I knew who you were. Knew you were the person they were preparing me to go after. But, it felt weird. You looked so normal."

"You put a rose on my gun," Karro stated.

I nodded. I'd dropped the rose atop of a gun before fleeing to my room. It had been my way of rebelling against The Blood, without doing anything drastic.

"I didn't know what I was doing. If my General knew, they would have locked me in my room."

As a child, I'd been punished a few different times. Before I had started my period, they'd used snakes, spiders, and bugs to punish me. They would lock me in the room and release the creatures with me.

After I started my period, I realized it wasn't the bugs I feared anymore.

"I kept it," Karro admitted, pulling me from my thoughts.

I looked down at my stomach. I imagined young Karro, blood lust and all, keeping a rose from a shadow in the night.

"You were my enemy, not my lover." I swallowed, preparing the truth to come past my tight throat. "I hated you so much when I woke up here because I forgot that. I do not hate you for tricking me. I admire you for it."

"What do you think now?"

I looked down at my feet. "Ask me when we are out of this room."

lolll this chapter gave me writers block for a few days there

QUESTIONSSSS

thoughts on Karro and Naga? separately and together

do you think Naga's indecision with Karro is a normal reaction?? is it annoying?? or was it kinda out of the blue? i want to make sure she is consistent with her behaviors :))