of blood and lies ; dystopian

41

Past

I arrived home shortly after talking with J382.

My stomach was in knots.

I opened the door, slowly, hoping that perhaps Karro was asleep.

Unfortunately, he was awake.

He stood on the balcony, his arms stretched out far on either side of him. His shirt was on the bed; I watched his muscles tighten when I opened the door.

Fuck. I did not want to do this.

I stepped out onto the balcony and joined close beside him. Cars honked at each other, while clubbers cheered at the rage with drinks in their hands. I wanted it to be that easy; to live such a boring, simple life.

I sucked in a breath.

I'm pregnant. I repeated the words in my head, and aloud, over and over. I had rehearsed it will J382; he'd told me the worst that would happen. Karro would kill me. Uttering the two words felt so much worse than dying by his hand.

"Hi," I squeaked.

"Hello." His hands tightened around the railing. He leaned forward, dipping his chin down as he looked toward the street. We were over twenty-seven stories in the air. I could push him; it would kill two birds with one stone.

I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant.

It was so easy in my head. Spit it out you fucking bitch, I told myself.

"How was work?" His voice was stern. I couldn't do this.

"Good." Again, it was a squeak. Karro noticed this time. I squeezed harder against the iron rails. My breathing grew heavy and my foot tapped fast against the ground.

"Come here," Karro said.

I braved him. It made it so much worse. His gaze darkened. It felt like every second of the day he was angry. I didn't understand what had happened. One day, he just snapped; he stopped loving me.

His arm closest to me lifted. He gestured for me to join him, between his frontside and the railing. I gulped at how little space there was between him and falling to my death.

I slid in front of him, my ass pressed against his upper thighs, and my breasts against the railing in front of us.

Karro pushed his front harder into my backside. I wrapped my fingers tightly against the railing, holding myself in place.

I leaned my head backward, slumping into his chest.

I missed him. I missed him so badly it felt like an ache.

We hadn't had sex in weeks, it felt. It went from three times a day, to maybe once a day. Then, three times a week. The idea seemed like a joke, now.

Sex was how we expressed our love. There wasn't any left.

I closed my eyes. It terrified me knowing I wasn't just pregnant, but far along. I had started to lose weight in my legs and arms. My stomach always stayed bloated, though. I felt so fucking stupid for not realizing earlier. The Blood taught me to kill, not check for pregnancy symptoms. I was lucky to even be granted sex.

Karro's large hands wrapped around the railing on either side of mine. His rough hands grazed mine. I needed touch. I needed him.

"Why are you nervous?" he asked, his lips moving against my jaw.

I looked down to the street. Twenty-seven stories would be a far drop. He could push me. I could push him.

"Because," I said, my breathing becoming choppy. His fingers slid away from my face and down my neck. I shut my eyes, melting into the feeling of his curious fingers.