Moonlight

Chapter 25: Shot?

Y/N's POV:

I stared at her dusty Peach colored blinds, wanting nothing more than to see her face again.

"What'd you do?" Violet asked from my laptop.

I groaned, making my way back over to my bed.

"Ariana admitted her feelings to me and I basically indirectly told her that I felt the same, but I couldn't be with her." I admitted ashamedly.

Violet looked at me as if I was an idiot on the other side of the screen.

I facepalmed, ready to hear the earful I was about to receive.

"I could've told you that she had feelings for you months ago, and I know you feel the same, that much is obvious but what I can't understand is why you'd say you couldn't be with her."

"Cause I can't." I said, unsure of what should follow.

"What do you mean you 'can't'?"

I shrugged.

"Are you dumb? Y/N?"

I nodded.

"I just--" I paused, trying to gather my thoughts, "I'm just, my life is too complicated right now to bring her into it. I don't think I can give her the time and effort that she needs and deserves in a relationship, I don't want to ruin her."

"So, you're okay with ruining Tara in the same instance?" She asked and I shook my head.

"It's just, Ariana and Tara are on two different levels for me, although I don't like Tara in the same way that I like, or want Ariana, it's just easier with Tara, she's there and she doesn't expect much from me, she enjoys doing nothing because it's with me."

"You're not making any sense Y/N, you're saying that you're with Tara because she's essentially easier to deal with than Ariana despite you wanting Ariana more, are you just not wanting to put the effort with Ariana?"

"No, no, no." I quickly said, not wanting her to get the wrong idea about me.

"I can't put my thoughts into words. It's--Ariana is too good for me, I don't want to risk ruining our friendship over a relationship that we don't even know will last long, I don't care about--I don't know Tara enough to be genuinely affected by the loss of her. I think that's what I'm trying to say?"

Violet took a minute to respond, "So, although your friendship with Ariana is already ruined, you still don't want to try with her because you're afraid of losing her even though you've already lost her?"

"But I haven't lost her, we're still fine with each other." I said confidently, watching Violet burst into a fit of laughter.

"Oh you're being serious?" She asked, putting on a straight face.

She composed herself, responding with, "From what I've heard it seems like you guys aren't fine with each other, look, I would talk to her and explain to her how you feel and why you think that you two shouldn't be together despite wanting each other and see where things go from there. She deserves to know why you don't want her."

"But I do." I interrupted. "I want her so bad Violet, I have fought every urge I've had for her. I'm trying so hard to salvage our friendship. I would rather have her as a friend than not have her in my life at all."

Violet gave me a tight-lipped smile, "I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you're losing her Y/N, you're about to not have her in your life at all. I'm sorry but that's the truth, you need to fix things with her."

I threw my head back, letting it rest against my pillows as I whined, "I can't. I've tried talking to her, but she just ignores me or tells me to leave her alone, I don't wanna keep pressuring her but this, the weird energy and awkwardness between us is driving me insane and I don't know what to do anymore."