Choices | Kim Namjoon FF |

Chapter Twenty-Five: Namjoon

"Are you okay?" Chae-rin's eyes are attentive and looking in mine, trying to read what emotions are going through my mind right now.

Am I okay? If she had asked me that two weeks ago, I would say no. I'm not okay. Now, though? Especially since I've seen her and we've made up... I think I might be. Maybe? "I don't know. I mean, no, I'm not, but yes...I guess I am?"

There's a softness in her eyes and she gives me a small smile before moving forward to wrap her arms around me. She pats my back lightly and I close my eyes, letting my head rest in the crevice of her neck. "I'm sorry, Joon. I'm sorry you had to go through that alone. I'm here if you want to talk."

"I know," I mumble. "But, I think...I'm okay." I pull away and give her a smile and her eyes turn into crescents before she starts smiling again.

She lets go of me and nods. "Okay."

For the rest of the day, Chae-rin and I spend it together. I have a lot to make up for and I feel horrible for treating her the way I did. To top it all off, I even bruised her last night when we had that intense night. I don't know what overcame me! I just needed to show her how much I had been craving her touch and her body. I wanted to shower her with the affection that I've been wanting to give her. I just didn't realize how...animalistic I was going to be. I can't believe I fucked her raw.

With Ae-ra, I've never been rough like that. I don't know why, but I've never had the need to be so dominant and needy when I was with her. It was more...tender. It was just different. It was sweet, loving and affectionate. There were more soft kisses and feather light touches involved when we were together.

To be honest, a lot of the things I've done with Chae-rin I have never really done more than once. I don't normally have such a dirty mouth when I'm having sex. I don't normally go so hard nor have I ever been so...carnal in the act of sex before. Sure, I've craved my previous partner's body, but never the way I want Chae-rin. There's this raw desire to show her and she responds so well to it.

"Are you listening?" She waves her hand in front of my face and I blink before I see her brows furrowing. "You weren't listening, huh?" She answers herself.

"I was," I tell her. "I really was."

"What did I just say then? Tell me."

"You said," I reply, racking my brain, "something about...Eun-ha?" Honestly, that's the last thing I remember.

She frowns and folds her arms over her chest. "No. What are you thinking about that you zoned out?" And then she gasps. "Oh, are you okay? Are you thinking about Ae-ra? Are you okay? Do you want to talk?"

"N-no," I shake my head. "I mean, yes, I was but it's not what you think. I'm okay."

She leans in slightly closer. "Talk to me, Joon. It's okay to tell me what you're thinking. Express your emotions."

"Really, it's not-"

"Just tell me," she cuts me off. "You are known to hold in your feelings. Just tell me. It's not healthy for you to hold things in. It's-"

For whatever reason, I feel like fine, maybe I should tell her. "I was thinking about how sex with you is so exciting and how it's not the same with my past partners."

Her jaw slacks and she scoots away from me as she clears her throat. "O-oh," she hums. She bites her top lip and looks away, flustered.

"You told me to tell you," I say, amused.

"So," she clears her throat again, "um, what do you mean by that?"

Her question actually takes me by surprise. I was not expecting her to ask me to elaborate. A little stunned, I let out a chuckle before answering her. "I just feel like with you, I do a lot more stuff."