Choices | Kim Namjoon FF |

Chapter Thirty-One: Chae-rin

I wake up to Namjoon's snoring. I really think that I've been spending too many nights in his arms because his snoring is starting to sound like nothing to me. His arm is draped around my waist, holding me close to him. This is getting too comfortable for me. It scares me how much I like being in his embrace.

I brush my fingertips along the side of his face, tracing his features. He is so handsome... How is it that I've never noticed all these small details before? Don't get me wrong, I've always known how good-looking Namjoon is. I just...didn't pay much attention, I guess. My fingers trace his plump lips and he lets out a small sigh.

Buzz buzz. I roll away and check my phone. I hold in the gasp wanting to escape. Ming-yu texted me! He also called me way early this morning...

Ming-yu: Chae-rin, can we meet today? I want to talk... Please.

---

"I wanted to explain everything," Ming-yu says, sitting across from me. "I know you, uh, found out about it."

"About your baby," I reply.

"Yes, about Ga-eun," he nods. "Chae-rin, I'm sorry. I just, I don't know..." He shrugs. "I don't regret it, though, because Ga-eun is the best thing to ever happen to me."

"Can I ask you something?" I stir the straw in my iced americano, looking down at the table. My heart is twisting in my chest and I hate it.

"Yes."

"Was I not enough for you? Did I...did I not love you enough?" I hate asking him this because I feel so pathetic, but I need closure. "Did you not love me?"

He's quiet for a long time. I actually look up because I wonder why he's taking so long to reply back. He looks at me and for once, I feel him looking into my soul. I thought that Ming-yu would be my forever. I could picture a future with him and so...I really had my heart broken when he ended it with me. My breath hitches in my throat as I have flashbacks of all of our memories, the laughter, the love, the pain.

"I loved you," he says, softly. "I loved you so much but something was wrong with me. I took you for granted, I know that. You did nothing wrong, Chae-rin. Please don't let what I did change who you are. You loved me the way I wanted, I just...I messed it up. I am so sorry, Chae-rin. I never meant for this to happen... I just, I don't know. I apologize, though. I would never want my daughter to ever go through what I put you through." He looks down, sighing with disappointment.

"Are you happy now, at least?"

The smallest smile appears on his lips and he nods. "I am. Ga-eun is amazing and I just love her so much."

"C-can I see pictures?"

"Of course," he smiles, pulling out his phone. "This is her at her first birthday."

The way he talks about his daughter is endearing. He truly loves her and I see that everything happens for a reason. I can see that she is clearly the only thing that matters to him in this world and I feel this...sense of relief. I don't know how to explain it, but after seeing him, talking to him, I feel this weight, that I didn't know I had, being lifted off my shoulders. After a few more minutes, we part ways.

On the way home, I cry. I cry because I feel sad that the person I thought would be my ever after isn't. I cry because I remember all the good memories. The ones where I felt my heart so full that it was going to explode. The ones where I truly thought there wasn't any way I could love him more. I cry because I remember the heartbreak I felt when he broke up with me. But mostly, I'm crying because I finally have that closure I needed.

"Chae-rin," I hear, and I spot Namjoon's eyes zooming it at me. I quickly turn back to the door, trying to hide myself.

One minute, he's trying to console me and the next thing I know, we are arguing. How dare he try to shame me into meeting Ming-yu when he is literally in love with Ae-ra! She cheated on him and yet he still wants her back. Ming-yu just wanted to clear the air. How dare he try to ruin that for me! As he puts his shoes on, he asks if I'm still going to the rehearsal with him tomorrow. He just proves my point even more and yet he's so stupid. He's such a hypocrite!