The Impeccable Scar | COMPLETED ✓

E I G H T E E N

ADVIK

"Advik, how are you?" Maa asked.

I held cell phone tighter and have an urge to tell her that I could never be okay but instead I told her that I am good..

"Had dinner?"

"Yes, Maa."

"Healthy food right?" She asked, worried.

I laughed.

"Yes."

I could never afford healthy living in my busy schedule and besides I don't have enough money for that.

I get twenty five thousands as a salary. Ten thousand of which I save every month, as my father told or more precisely ordered me to do so. Then five thousand as rent of our flat and I send five thousand to home. Although my father said that there was no need for this, but I do because maybe I still want to come in my father's good book. What left for me are five thousand rupees, so I kind of avoid wasting money.

"Your Maasi called today, she was asking about you. I told her that my Advik is now all grown up and happy in his life." And then she started blabbering.

"Mhmm." I replied without paying attention to her single word.

"Your father wanted to talk to you." And all of sudden, she dropped the bomb.

I held my breath and the pace of my heartbeat risen.

Without thinking twice, I ended her call.

FLASKBACK

"Papa, I am sorry. I couldn't clear JEE."

My palms were shivering in fear. I had tears waiting to come out of my eyes.

"I know that." He said without even looking at me.

"I tried but I couldn't."

"Don't lie. Accept that you didn't give your best."

"I did, Papa."

"You wasted all my money. I should have never got you admitted in that coaching institute."

"I am sorry." And that's when I let myself release all the tears which I was holding from so long.

"Go wash your face. Don't cry. What's done is done." He said, now in a soft tone.

"I am sorry." I whispered and ran to another room.

I hugged pillow tightly and wished if I were genius in mathematics. Papa will never understand that I suck when it comes to calculations and derivations. I wish I could tell that I tried my level best, I studied as much as I can but I couldn't make through it because I am not good at it.

"Drink water, Advik." Maa came and passed me a glass full of water.

I didn't have enough guts to look into her eyes. I was ashamed of failing the exam.

"Your father wants to talk to you." She said.

I nodded.

And the rest is history. That one talk with my father changed my life for the worse.

I rested my head to the wall and closed my eyes.

Breath in. Breath out.

Just fucking Breathe Advik.

The thoughts that were earlier jumping through my mind were now numb.

I needed something. I needed something that was stronger than my pain.

That fucking notebook.

I scanned the room and quickly started turning pages.

Stranger,

Curious about what I said earlier? Well it wasn't easy for him to rape me because I am different.

More curious?

Well curiousity kills the cat. So take a deep breath, I couldn't tell you yet but I will definitely.

So after a year, I was kind of adjusted to all the happenings in my life.

One day, a woman came from another village just for me. She came to visit me. She was a doctor without any medical degree.

She asked me about my periods.

Periods?

I never heard that word before. So I asked her what are periods?

She looked at me for a good second before rushing out of the room. Next I know, almost ten- fifteen women gathered in the room whispering and despising me with their expressions.

I was clueless.

And now when I think about that moment, I realize that he married me to get children for himself. I was expected to get pregnant at the age of fifteen.

I never wanted that, you know.

My eyes were always full of hope. Even after my marriage, I still thought that something will happen and I would be free from that monster of a husband.

I cried every night but there was no one to hear my pain. I couldn't even share my sufferings to anyone. That house was full of sins. No one was a saint there. They all tortured me because my husband was unhappy with me. How ironic, isn't it? Shit happens in life. Maybe I was too young to pay for that.