L.A Dreams

Chapter 21: Flashbacks

'There's another world inside of me that you may never see.

There's secrets in this life that I can't hide.

Some where in this darkness there's a light that I can't find.

Well maybe it's too far away......

Or maybe I'm just blind.'

Song lyrics flashed through my mind and repeated themselves. Over and over again, the song played in my head. I laid on the floor of my closet, staring up at the darkness as if there were stars to see. Deep thoughts rolled through my sub conscience mind. Thoughts of Liam, thoughts of Harry. Thoughts of suicide to end my horrid cycle of bullshit. Thoughts of suicide to end my pain. To put an end to the endless tunnel whose light I cannot catch. To end my nightmares that no one can cure.

'Hold me when I'm here.'

I may leave Liam hanging, wondering of what might've happened between us.

'Love me when I'm gone.'

I may leave Niall without his second half or Harry thinking it's all his fault.

'Hold me when I'm scared'

But at least it'll all be over.

'Love me when I'm gone.'

All of the post traumatic stress left over from that night in the alley way i spent with a couple of assholes and a knife will be over. That wasn't even the worst part of the experience. The worst part was.....

*FLASHBACK*

    Rick had sliced fine, deep marks into my skin. I couldn't tell how many there were, blood covered my body and pooled around me. I grew limp and my eyes began to feel heavy. The others didn't bother with restraining me, I was too weak to protest against my oncoming death. Rick moved the blade to my jugular. He was going to end it. He was going to kill me and I did not give a panicked thought towards it. I wanted it to end; the pain, the torture of laying lifelessly in my own blood.

CRASSHH!

   Harry smashed a bottle against the brick at the entrance of the alleyway. I yelped as Rick jumped and sliced a mark under my collarbone, missing his target. All of the boys turned around to face Niall and Harry, pissed off and ready for a fight. Harry threw the half broken bottle and hit one of my attackers square in the stomach. The boy fell back and clutched his middle before standing up and dashing away. Niall ran up and grabbed the boy who had kicked me by his neck and hurled him to the ground on his back. The others in the group began to disperse, realizing their fate. Rick stood up from me to join them but Harry stepped his way.

    "I'm saving you for last." Harry growled, throwing a sharp punch to his nose. Niall had a different boy pressed against the wall, feeding him punch after punch to his body. Harry had a harasser pinned to the ground, yelling threats in between jabs to his stomach. The boys then moved to Rick; clutching his nose and leaning against the grimy wall. I wanted to shy my eyes away from the horrible scene unfolding before me, but I couldn't. I wanted to pass out, die, fall asleep, anything to keep from seeing what was about to happen to Rick.....

    "No..... No... NO." I mumbled, burying my face into my knees and hugging them. I couldn't think about that. I couldn't think about any of it; the cuts, the blood, suicide, what happened to Rick... I had to shoo it away, I had to pull through. I jumped as my closet door was opened hesitantly, light pouring into the dark space.